DH has a new gf because I’m not ambitious enough

sorry to hear that. I have ADHD too so I get it. He is just a jerk so don't listen to what he says

Their business is a marital asset, sounds like OP is a shareholder and an employee and possibly a Director. He can't simply 'fire' her. He has to go through a process or face an employment tribunal (if OP was up for it, and she should be). The business has to be assessed, valued and split fairly in any divorce, he'd be an idiot to try anything so ludicrous prior to seeking legal consult on the divorce. Which is why the OP needs to ger her own legal representation sharpish. She needs to use her salary to do so, and stop using it for any other purpose that the DH is presumably dictating. As he describes her as an unambitious SAHM, that doesn't 'work' I imagine that the salary he pays her, he considers isn't earnt through a reasonable amount of work for the company on a daily basis (the OP says as much herself I think). He can never, ever, disclose this to anyone however, because, if he does it will expose it for the tax dodge it undoubtedly is for him IE taking money out of the company but at a lesser rate of tax than if he paid only himself a salary (Income Tax and Corporation Tax potentially). And unless her employment contract states employees have to give up shares upon redundancy/severance, then OP keeps those too. Further, OP states she is staring her own business, in the same field, but has no contacts or clients. She does. She has those of the company - again unless her contract states she cannot approach clients in her own capacity (or for a period after leaving), there's nothing stopping her.
OP holds a lot of cards here, she just needs representation and quickly, because he no doubt has it already.

He sounds nauseating.

No I don’t agree with this. Separated parents can and should have grown up conversations around when to introduce new partners. There’s a child at the centre of this who needs to be the focus. Introducing partners before things get serious can be damaging. Especially if there’s multiple different partners. Children get attached very easily and can be heartbroken by splits. OP is absolutely right to hold this conversation with her DH and express concern / say no. If DH goes ahead anyway, there’s not a lot you can do. But to say she has no say is incorrect. DD is still her child and she has every right to look out for her child’s best interest.

When I met my DH, he agreed amicably with his ex wife that we’d wait at least 6 months before any introductions, and she did the same when she met someone. Obviously not all splits are amicable but common sense needs to apply

If you were still looking after the house, school run and things to do with child, this is not an 'easy life' or you being a 'cocklodger'; this is being a SAHM. Unless he took over cooking, cleaning, meal planning, child duties, life admin, etc, you did not get an 'easy life'. Don't let him rewrite the story.

Don't be too swift to give up our share of the business - if it has great potential & makes a profit, stay a silent partner and take the dividends.

Be careful with this, my friend thought they had a family business, husband, fired her as a secretary, and she got nothing.

Nailed it.
Aim high. You’ve got rid of a dead weight, now choose your path.
New career maybe, return to previous job, whatever you want. Look happy and successful, it pisses exes right off, ime

You need to get the business valued along with any other assets like the house. Do you have access to the annual company accounts for the past few years? Start rooting these out and ask your solicitor for a recommendation on a company that does business valuations. Document your involvement with the business and setting it up.

I’m so sorry @DreamySloth💐

It sounds highly likely that your “lack of ambition” is actually just the excuse he has seized on to justify his actions, and this affair probably started a while ago. However, you’ll never know the truth and it’s a waste of time to focus on anything other than what you (and Dd) want and need right now.

Don’t forget that when he wasn’t firing on all cylinders and leaving his keys in the fridge, you looked after him. He hasn’t had the respect to reciprocate or at least own the fact that the breakup is down to him changing, NOT anything you’re doing wrong. That’s how I know he’s just making excuses. If ADHD meds had changed his life and he’d outgrown the relationship (which happens) but he was an honest and decent guy, he’d be making this about him, not somehow making it your fault.

Don’t bother arguing with him but do your best to remove any power he has over you, beginning with a little financial independence and absolutely fighting for the 50% of the business that is rightfully yours (I bet you’re downplaying all that mothering you had to do before he became super ambitious and the slack you picked up in terms of housework and childcare to facilitate him growing the business).

Ultimately you can’t stop him choosing when to introduce a new GF so it’s not a hill to die on. All you can do is ask him to tread sensitively for your DD’s sake and be ready to reassure her. They’re not going to have DD so regularly she’s likely to form a strong attachment at this point (it would interfere with their little love nest). If it fizzles out it won’t do too much harm and if it actually lasts then there will have been a slower lead in time.

Best of luck with your future. You can do this. A man has capitalised off your passive nature and lack of ego.l and left you feeling worthless. He’s wrong.

SAHDs aren't cocklodgersany more than SAHMs are. Cocklodgers are the ones doing no housework, no or minimal childcare, not carrying the mental load or getting involved with life admin, not working and just using their partner as a cash cow/sex slave/nanny. OP is none of these things. She's been doing everything, allowing him to focus on his career. She's still doing everything. She even mothered him and held his life together in the beginning when he was so incapable he couldn't function as a normal human being. So STFU calling her names.

When a friend of mine was in a similar situation, she received full child and spousal maintenance until her child finished primary school, because that had been their initial plan.

During that time, he also had to pay for her to retrain in a new career.

He did not want 50:50 or anything near, so it was considered more than fair.

There’s no urgency about the OP getting a job and she doesn’t want her ex to have 50/50 care. I don’t know why people are banging on about this. The OP needs to start divorce proceedings and get a decent, fair financial settlement including her share of the business plus settled arrangements made re their daughter if that’s what she wants. It’s very much to her advantage to be the parent available for care responsibilities right now.

OP hasn’t been a ‘lady of leisure’ cockbag has probably made her feel like that. They run a business together, so that could easily mean sorting shit out at the drop of a hat whenever ‘DH’ needs her to.

i bet he would have been furious if he’d had to do his fair share at home as she had an ambitious job.

Definitely sounds like he's left you for another woman. He's a dick.

But you're not completely helpless OP. It's time to get a job and be financially independent of him.

Wow, he sounds like a complete cock.

Does he not realise (like a lot of men) that he has probably ONLY been able to achieve what he has in his career BECAUSE you have been at home, doing ALL THE THINGS!

Hes been cheating. I'm sorry welcome to the club. Get a lawyer and only discuss child, divorce and money stuff. Keep all emails.
Hes a twat.

This! As soon as your daughter started school why weren't you looking for a part time job?
In fact instead you were just being a titlodger! I don't know why women think this okay for them but not for SAHDs to do!
What he did was wrong but you're not exactly innocent!

Hi OP I don’t think you need to be a go getter but you need to be a survivor! Pull your big girl pants on and start surviving rather than existing. Thats not what you want or need right now and it’s not what your daughter needs.

You cant control his behaviours when DD is in his care and sadly that includes her meeting his new gf. Focus on you and DD and what you both want and need.

Get some legal advice about the business and any other assets And focus on you because you are important xxx

So true 😂

Yeah but those men aren’t doing all the childcare and housework while allowing their spouse to climb the career ladder. If they’re doing that then nobody would call them a cocklodger.

THIS!!!

Just wanted to say that let him continue to see your daughter twice a week. Because he is setting a precedent. If he ever took you to court (especially when cMS is mentioned some men then suddenly want 50/50) you can show that you were the main carer during the relationship and after. Document every contact, anything that happens at all.
Please look into grey rocking and yellow rocking.
Follow legally nik on instagram, she is really helpful with different things.
Get legal advice, don't tell him.
Get photos/copies of everything financial and any other important documentation. I would store this at someone else's house seeing as he has access to yours.
I would seek legal advice about the house. He has moved out. Therefore speak to a professional, but my ex changed the locks and I haven't had access to my house or belongings for over a year, so potentially you could change the locks to keep that home a safe space for you and your child.
When he sees his daughter he can take her out, ot doesn't have to be in your home or at the expense of your mental health.
Go to the GP and get signed up to therapy. You have a long road ahead of you, the skills you will learn in therapy will be so beneficial. Not just for you, but for your daughter.
If you haven't already, speak to school and tell them what is happening as there have been big changes for your child and it is best ot have school informed so they can support if it is needed.
Wishing you lots of luck. The divorce/separation group on here might also be a good call as they have great advice too.

She was a SAHM by mutual agreement with her ex. She hasn't "milked him". He's just changed the narrative now he's cheated and left, trying to make her out to be the villain. If he wanted her to get a job when DD started school, he'd have needed to use his words like a grown-up and have a conversation with her about that. OP is in no way a cocklodger.

Also as you are co-owners he can also have the flexibility to do half of the school runs.

That will free up half your week to build your business.