DH has a new gf because I’m not ambitious enough

It doesn't matter what you did previously it's what you do now going forward. Find your inner strength he's a dick head who ain't worthy of your time or love.

@DreamySloth - have you checked out Wikivorce and read Divorce for Dummies yet? You really should.

don't forget to order a replacement marriage certificate and collect all financial documents.

then see an experienced family solicitor.

oh….. and don’t forget to change your username…….. WideAwakeTiger?

Contact every lawyer locally.
OP I know you think you’re not strong, but you are! You just need to get mad and find it. HOW DARE he say and do these things to you, screw him!!
Take him to court and get every single Penny you can, force him to accept that you’re his wife and mother of his child and he can’t just walk away.
I genuinely believe you can do it!!

@AnonWho23 😄I like the thumbs up response.

I believe that if you make an enquiry with any solicitor, they'll no longer be able to represent him. So contact all the very good ones locally to make sure he can't use them.

Hope it all goes well for you eventually, and that he has to buy you out of the business for serious £££.

Well you could always sell your half of the business to someone he can't stand OP.

Dude you need a solicitor,.like yesterday. It sounds as if he has got balls rolling, is way ahead of you and is confident in your compliance to get what he wants. You need a hand.

Well I hope you didn't give him the marriage certificates! He left you, you're not his life admin anymore. He can order them from the Registry Office like everyone else who needs a copy.

As per the others, you need an EXCELLENT solicitor ASAP.

It sounds like you are a thoroughly decent person and a great mum. Please try some counselling or therapy, if it’s possible, to help your self esteem and to believe in yourself. If you’re achieving the reliable, honest and loving mum status you appear to - then you have accomplished far more than your ex ever has to date. You sound so deferential, not just to your ex but to many people on here. You supported him with his adhd, helped him back on his feet etc it was supposed to be a partnership not a competition. I understand the financial implications you’re facing, - and you sound determined to remedy this - I think you sound wonderful.

Exactly.
you really do have ti steer your own ship.
Time to feel your anger and put yourself first.

I think you have to stop him from coming round and put in some boundaries. He thinks he can still come round whenever and talk to you like shit. If you can't afford the house on your own then start to look for somewhere else. If you can, then change the locks and tell him he has to arrange to visit. Get a lawyer. You need advice on this.

Sorry to hear that but unfortunately when you won't take decisions for yourself someone else will.

Totally agree
CBT helped repair my self esteem after similar ….. took time , but you’ll get there.

I think you are hoping he comes back to you that's why you haven't let go. We all deserve love but if the person we want isn't reciprocating then you have to try and move on. It's not easy because you have children with him. It's good that you are seeing someone to guide you through this challenging time. You deserve to be loved by the right man you are worthy of that and not to be treated like shit by him. Take each day as it comes and when you meet him please come back and tell us how you have moved on with Mr right and you are happy than ever before. Fuck him he lost out and now his new bow has to put up with his ups and downs.

You see it all the time on Mumsnet: a woman wants to leave because he’s not ambitious enough, doesn’t earn as much, isn’t as driven—and the replies come fast: Why are you still with this loser? You deserve better. That’s totally fine. Her choice, her standards, her life.

In fact we are constantly told a woman can break up for whatever reason she wants.

But the second a man says he wants out—maybe she’s dead weight, maybe they’ve drifted, maybe he’s just unhappy—it’s open season. Suddenly he’s a shallow prick, a midlife crisis cliché, a nasty cunt.

Figures.

The urgent priority is getting legal advice about the business and divorce proceedings. He is about to do his level best to screw you over here.

DD has you. You can worry about her relationship with Ex once you’ve ensured that he cannot leave you homeless and penniless.

Grey rock his whining.

Tell him you now have a far more considerate partner even if you haven't. What a cheek .

Oh god I was in the exact same position as you 20 odd years ago except his excuse was I wasn't exciting enough. Funny that - given I had our seven month old baby at home. I'd also done the massively supporting years.

Hold your head high and move on. you absolutely will be better off in the long run, I know I am. Mine was shagging a junior in our business who I was already suspicious of. What predictable cunts they can be! 🤣

Seriously???!!!!’

I’m not sure why everyone is saying OP is financially vulnerable.

She married him and has 50% of the business. That- coupled with the fact that OP is doing the lion’s share of the childcare means that she is in a very strong position.

I’m a well paid professional who married a cock lodger, and quite frankly, I would’ve been better off in OP’s position.

OP- speak to a solicitor immediately. Do NOT agree to anything with your ex until you have.

Your DD meeting the gf shouldn’t be your focus. He’ll do what he wants anyway. As her dad he can do what he wants.

focus on getting most of the matrimonial home and keeping half the business.

in eyes of the family court, everything you both have is part of the matrimonial pot, and you have equally contributed to it.

@DreamySloth I’m worried that you are acting a bit like your user name. Get to a solicitor immediately! You don’t seem to be worried about the fact he is wanting to start divorce proceedings. You need to know what to expect.

Also - don’t buy into the narrative that you are in a weak or vulnerable position. You are in a very strong position.

Sounds like he's having a great time chasing dopamine hits. However, they'll take him off the ADHD meds when his blood pressure rises (and it probably will) and, no matter how well medicated he is now, his ADHD will get worse as he ages unless he learns strategies to deal with it. It doesn't go away. I wonder if he is award of that, while he's having a ball burning all his bridges.

(My husband and adult son both have ADHD, are medicated and have received lots of condition specific therapy).