DH has a new gf because I’m not ambitious enough

There are many men who blame their womenfolk for not being ambitious. What many of them are saying is ''I would be so much better if you could just show more interest in me and encourage me to do better''.

They usually cannot cope on their own, make mistakes, and look for someone to blame.

Long engagements are the only answer, and not living with them until more than a year has passed.

Get down on your knees, kiss the ground and thank God he has a diversion so that you can get on with the rest of your life.

I hope your post is a help to others.

I hope I am not being unkind to you; I do not intend to be, but could I ask if you thought you could help him with his ADHD before you married him?

It is good to help someone live with any physical or mental problem, and many well meaning women have tried to, but failed.

I think your post is a help to those who are thinking of marrying someone with problems which they think they can help with.

Oh God! He sounds so tedious. You're well rid of him.

I so agree with this. When my fiance of 6 years ghosted me, some one said to me that people fall in and out of love all the time which made the whole thing feel less personal (totally different situation to where marriage and kids are involved, I realise). Since then I've read loads of stories on the internet of men checking out of relationships in weird and not-so-wonderful ways - it seems to me that a lot of men are incapable of owning their shit and have no emotional tool kit whatsoever "not all men". Since the ghosting my life has much improved and i never allow myself to rely on anyone. Sorry this happened to you

Everything has changed since cost of living crisis. Being with someone who wasn't a team player financially would be most people's nightmare right now tbf. Even with double income household, we're cutting back on some luxuries. I'm not sure how single income households get by. Although I will say he has handled this like a complete tool and I had picked having an affair over discussing and working through things like a grown up .

Lack of ambition could be due to learned behaviours in childhood: not being too successfull or achieving too much might have resulted in negative fall back from care givers. This could mean you feel safer when not striving for better therefore are happy and secure being you. Also another reason for being happy and secure being you might be because you are enough and happy and secure in yourself. Either way if its the main reason hes checked out of the relationship I think it probably means its an excuse and he feels he no longer is a viable relationship there: there might not infact been any specific reason other than it just isnt meant to be any more which is reanoble it happens all the time (bery hurtful if the other person isnt ready). Similar happned to me when my son was 18months old. But now he is nearly 8 I am super grateful for how my life turned out and even more glad I like myself. xx Hope you find peace and inner love for yourself xxxx

You will look back one day and think yes I am better off without him. But I do feel for you. Men can be so selfish. Good luck to you for your future and your new venture make sure you get everything that's due to you .

Surely if 50% of the business is yours - I hope you have something in writing - then you can take that and use it to help start afresh.

@DreamySloth he's abusive. He may have adhd, but he's also showing narcissist qualities. I'm not saying jump on the label, but grey rock and some of the practices for dealing with narcissism would help. His lectures are emotional abuse, masked as 'only trying to help'. I follow Dr psych mom and if you search her website for narcissism you'd find very similar examples of what is happening to you. By which I mean, don't feel alone, this is a pattern and it's also not a reflection of you but of them. I'm sorry it's happened but also glad you're rid and have a chance to get out from under this.

Living with a husband with ADHD and his kind of attitude is really difficult. They can be massively critical, inflating their own ego to messianic proportions - even when they’re completely incompetent. It’s oppressive to the point where it crushes you. It is not your fault OP. When he’s actually spending 24 hours a day with the gf, it will start to unravel.

Low self esteem is hugely debilitating - if you think so lowly of yourself why should someone else regard you any differently? It's a vicious cycle that only you can break.

As someone who has good self esteem I would say my mindset is I dont give a fiddle what others think of me. If you start telling yourself this and everytime you feel overwhelmed repeat it and tell yourself you've got it you can do this it will help start a turn around. A psychologist said get up in the morning say nothing go into the bathroom and look in the mirror. Look eye to eye with yourself and take your time to give yourself a high 5 in the mirror still saying nothing. Do this everyday. How you feel starts to change immediately and you will consciously notice this pretty quickly.

Good luck. The man doesn't deserve you. We all know this and so should you. Go get on track to your best life. The hurt will subside soon x

Agree with this.
Saying he had outgrown you, headphones on and not speaking, and then ending your marriage on Boxing Day sounds very much like he was already having an affair and the plan was to leave as soon as Christmas Day was done. He’s now strutting around like a puffed up peacock thinking he’s great.
Having a nice family life is just too much of a drudge for some men - not exciting enough. I have been in a very similar situation to you with a similar sounding H. Still trying to make sense of it all and recently read that ADHD is often typified by risky behaviour leading to infidelity. (Ex) spouses are often left feeling completely burnt out by their behaviour.
He’s sounds dreadful and you deserve so much better OP.

OP I am so sorry you have been hurt this way and this has happened. It sounds heartbreaking. Also, no one should have an affair, although it is not certain one took place. Many people who split find someone very soon after (my best friend has not been alone in 25 years longer than 2 weeks but has never cheated as her own parents split up that way). Also, I see other threads saying “you go girl” etc on this platform if you had found someone new which the same people conveniently forget when DH does it. Then it’s always “he must have been cheating”.). Optics do not equal certainty. I would propose that you try not to listen to the more extreme reactions on this thread “tell him it’s going to be 50/50 childcare etc”. If he asked for 50/50 the same people would be hysterical in their reactions as to what an animal he is. They are expressing their own hurt or fears and it’s not impartial advice for your experience or situation - it’s an expression of theirs. Remember you will spend a long time co parenting together. Start as you mean to go on and communicate what’s important to you and in your child’s best interest. I’m no fan of his but he didn’t have to tell you about his. new GF and he could have just arranged the meeting without your knowledge leaving you to find out after the event. That’s not unusual sadly, so you have ground to build a co parenting platform. Good luck though OP whatever you decide.

God he sounds like such an arrogant prick. Get rid asap. You will be so much better off without him in your life. Believe me. It may take months or years until you get through the sadness of the marriage ending but you will succeed and eventually feel so much happier. Have you good friends or family that you can lean on?

That sounds like man speak for: “I’m keeping you sweet so when my new fling goes tits up, I can come back to you like nothing happened”

Here here, totally agree.

great mum. And I'm going to guess that you have done more for the business than he gives you credit for. He is blowing a lot of hot air. He is gas lighting you into feeling worthless when you are far from it.

while waiting for counselling perhaps you can try writing a list of all the good things about yourself and put it up somewhere you can see it.

e.g. Kind person.

great Mum

competent business owner

also please get legal advice !

Don't give him the marriage certs. He can go get a copy from the county. Let him do all the work don't do it for him. Prick

Cocklodgers do not do all the childrearing and parenting. (And I'll bet my house all the household labour too)

men who steal women's time for their own leisure and convenience are still gold diggers\ cocklodgers even if they are working.

I'm sorry, but you do sound passive and with low self-esteem. The first step would be to secure therapy for yourself, and legal advice. Do not take crap from him any more. You need to stand up for yourself. Tell him you no longer need his lectures -he can go lecture his new girlfriend. Hurry up and get legal advice, too, so you know where you stand, and you have someone on your side who can protect your assets. The time to act is now. The least of your problems is whether your daughter meets the new gf or not.

He’s just making up stories in his head to explain why it’s all your fault and you drove him to it.

What a knob.

This means YOU need. Lawyer. You are not a SAHM you are a business partner and salaried employee - he cannot just turf you out, nor can he stop paying you, nor can he solely claim the business. You have employment rights and you have as much right to the business as him (- you do not need to start again in competition)....

stick to your guns! if that’s the right saying! he needs to sort himself out before involving your daughter meeting him or his new girlfriend! i hope you find strength in the responses xx

Agree with Scaredofdinosaurs you are both equal partners in the business and you need to get out for your own health and sanity.

You need advice from a tax accountant as well as a divorce solicitor regarding him buying out your share of the business. It seems currently you are unpaid labour.

You need a job now because a new business takes time to make a profit before you begin to take an income from the business and also a job will improve your sense of self worth and you’ll be too busy to respond to calls.

Personally I’d restrict him to text messaging by keeping the phone on silent.

PS sorry for so many posts in a row, but this cliche of a prick has me riled. 😂