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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH has a new gf because I’m not ambitious enough

360 replies

DreamySloth · 30/04/2025 06:55

My DH split up with me on Boxing Day. It was out of the blue and I was heartbroken.

He told me that he has outgrown me because he is now an ambitious businessman and I have low self esteem so I’m not a go getter.
When we met, DH had bad ADHD so struggled with work, holding a conversation, leaving keys in fridge sort of thing so I looked after him.
Three years ago he started adhd meds so is now super focused and successful in his business.
I am a SAHM to our 5 year old so do school runs, have to get to school at half 2 because parking is a nightmare, walk dog, house stuff etc. When she started school I guess I became a bit of a lady of leisure and had a nice relaxed day.
A few months before he ended it, he would come home late and keep his headphones on. Hardly interact with me and DD and say he was stressed with work. Totally avoided being around me.
Since we split, he has been house sitting somewhere in London so has been there 4 times a week - about 40 min train ride away. So has been socialising and living the London life.
He got a tattoo and new clothes, is going to take motorcycle lessons and I joked it was a mid life crisis.
He has now told me he has a new gf. Dating for about 5 weeks but met last year.
He wants new gf to meet DD but I said it was too soon and he only sees DD twice a week so why waste one of times with gf as well. Surely he should want as much one on one as possible?
AIBU?
As always, I am wrong, unreasonable and emotionally immature in his eyes. He is paying for everything still atm so his way goes.

OP posts:
justkeepswimingswiming · 30/04/2025 07:14

You need to get independent, find a job so he doesn’t get to call the shots. You can’t afford to be a lady of leisure anymore op.

KarCat · 30/04/2025 07:14

NeverFeelBadAboutThis · 30/04/2025 07:12

When she started school I guess I became a bit of a lady of leisure and had a nice relaxed day.

Was this discussed and agreed?

Yes, he was wrong for having an affair but when men do this they're described as cocklodgers on here and women are told to 'get rid'.

Don’t be ridiculous, it’s a totally different scenario to cocklodging, they’re married and have a child ffs!!

BlondiePortz · 30/04/2025 07:14

Well you need to get a job (if you dont have one already) and stop relying on him for money, and you have no say on who he is introduces your child too same as he would have no say on who you do, yes he should pay money towards his child but you are a grown adult so you need to be responsible for yourself

Crayfishforyou · 30/04/2025 07:13

Tell him you are ambitious, and will be aiming higher than a total wanker in the future.

KarCat · 30/04/2025 07:12

Your problem is that at the moment you’re entirely financially dependent on him,
Far too soon for “new” gf to meet dd, in reality he will probably go ahead with it anyway.
You need to extricate yourself from him financially.
Your situation is exactly the one I faced 20 years ago btw, so I have every sympathy for you!
What an utter selfish prick.

NeverFeelBadAboutThis · 30/04/2025 07:12

When she started school I guess I became a bit of a lady of leisure and had a nice relaxed day.

Was this discussed and agreed?

Yes, he was wrong for having an affair but when men do this they're described as cocklodgers on here and women are told to 'get rid'.

Original poster
DreamySloth · 30/04/2025 07:10

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 30/04/2025 07:04

This.

He has now told me he has a new gf. Dating for about 5 weeks but met last year.

Also what a sanitised way of saying i dumped my family and am shagging someone else. Please tell me you aren't buying this nonsense. He's clearly been having an affair for months.

50:50 would certainly be a cold bucket of water over the fancy free love nest life

Edited
Show quote history

I think it’s possible he has been having an affair or at least be interested in this woman for a while.
I would be sad to not have DD for 50%. I would miss her so much. He obviously doesn’t miss her

OP posts:
Allmychickenscometoroost · 30/04/2025 07:08

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa · 30/04/2025 06:58

Prick. Ask him how 50:50 with the child and dog will work and tell him you’re looking forward to him picking up the responsibility so you can get back to work.

Even if he wasn’t paying a penny you can’t make him think beyond himself and be sensible. He is probably introducing her sp she can start doing childcare so he has to do less.

Agree. what a nasty piece of work.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 30/04/2025 07:04

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa · 30/04/2025 06:58

Prick. Ask him how 50:50 with the child and dog will work and tell him you’re looking forward to him picking up the responsibility so you can get back to work.

Even if he wasn’t paying a penny you can’t make him think beyond himself and be sensible. He is probably introducing her sp she can start doing childcare so he has to do less.

This.

He has now told me he has a new gf. Dating for about 5 weeks but met last year.

Also what a sanitised way of saying i dumped my family and am shagging someone else. Please tell me you aren't buying this nonsense. He's clearly been having an affair for months.

50:50 would certainly be a cold bucket of water over the fancy free love nest life

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa · 30/04/2025 06:58

Prick. Ask him how 50:50 with the child and dog will work and tell him you’re looking forward to him picking up the responsibility so you can get back to work.

Even if he wasn’t paying a penny you can’t make him think beyond himself and be sensible. He is probably introducing her sp she can start doing childcare so he has to do less.