DH has a new gf because I’m not ambitious enough

Men are described as cocklodgers when they contribute nothing. The OP has done all the childcare and helped her h with all his own difficulties. Her kid is 5 not 15. He's had all her help and advantage when the baby was tiny, now he wants to judge her for not rushing back to work the second her child is at school. And school age dc still need a lot of time from parents unless childcare is really good where she lives.

Actually, this was not at all about the OP or her job status - it was a man justifying to himself, his shitty behaviour!

To be clear, I’m not justifying or excusing his behaviour, more so to explain / just to let you know in case you don’t already. For a person with ADHD, object permanence can also apply to people. This can by why it can be hard to miss someone if you have ADHD. Out of sight, out of mind similarly to things / objects. So it’s not necessarily that he doesn’t miss her if that helps give some added context?

And even if you’ve been out of the work world a while, remember that you, as a mum, are an extremely capable person. Do not let his poison affect you - it’s designed to make you feel worse so he can feel better. Only very weak and insecure people operate that way.

You probably can't stop him moaning at you and the harder you try the more he will moan, plus the more you will bend yourself out of shape to shut him up instead of just getting on with whatever you want/need to do. Instead you need to set up some internal (mental) barriers so that his moaning mostly rolls past you and leaves you emotionally untouched. Google the "grey rock" technique.

When my exhusband left I went back to supply teaching . Our children were 3 and 2 at the time.Once they started school I added fulltime termly contracts in and when they were both completely settled I went back to permanent fulltime. I had no interest in a 'big ' job career. I just wanted enough to pay for everything without needing the sporadic maintenance I received. Lots of women want an important job. Lots want a job that gets you by. Both options are perfectly fine. Don't beat yourself up when your confidence is so low. My exhusband told me that I was physically repulsive and having sex with me was torture. That took a while to get over. You and your daughter will be fine . Fund your anger and make a plan xx

If you own 50% of the business then he isn't "giving" you money, it is yours. Do you draw a salary from your business? How do shares of the profits work? Do you have access to the finances? If he thinks you're lazy but he is still being (what you regard as) generous with money, then it's likely to keep you from looking at this stuff. So get a solicitor and look at this stuff.

You need some legal advice. You shouldn’t walk away from your shared business, he either needs to buy you out, or you continue together but with more defined roles and payouts, or you buy him out (business loan), or you both sell it and split the proceeds. But don’t just fade away and get a low-paid job! Get some advice, without telling him you are doing so.

Don’t walk away from the business without taking advice from a solicitor specialising in corporate issues. the first hour is often free.

I had to leave a business I’d set up with friends and initially I was going to just resign. Instead I took a free hour from 2 different solicitor firms and put together an email saying “I’d like to sell my share of the business for £x amount” and cc in their accountant.

I was scared to do it at first and it felt cheeky somehow like I was kicking them when they were down. But it turns out this is the protocol when you leave a business.

A bit of back and forth but nothing too stressful and I got £10k out of it which paid for the setup of my new business.

He won’t want you to have ties to his business so it’s worth him paying you to officially resign.

He’s an arsehole and you are well shot of him.

and whilst he shouldn’t be introducing someone so quickly- it’s up to him what and who on his contact time.

It’s not your calll.

Jesus get him to buy you out or take equity in the house for the share of the business.

Im with previous posters you've been so ground down by his bullshit you cant see the wood for the trees.

The business is just an asset you can trade it for what you want.

What do you want??? I think you've lost sight of anthing centred on you because it's all about him.

Given you are a sahm and child is young you should ve going for an absolute minimum of 50% on everything (pension savings house business car etc)
60-70% wouldn't be unreasonable

You will want a lawyer to help get the best deal if you can't horse whispering yourself into finding your anger and actually advocate for yourself (no judgement here, its hard when you are being ground down daily. I kniw because i watched my mum get shafted by not lawyering up and took a shit settlement from my dad)
Given the business aspect you def need a lawyer and keep in mind these assets are for your child not just you.
He clearly cannot be trusted. Who is to say he is not going to pay bare minimum legal and ride off into the sunset. You should secure as much financial security for your child as you can and you should go in hard for her not just you

He sounds insufferable. Count your blessings.

But did they discus it and agree to it? That's the most important point.

I've seen several threads in here where a couple were married, the man lost his job for whatever reason or the wife earned more and they'd agreed he would become the SAHP and the wife worked.

When she became resentful that he was having a 'nice relaxing day' whilst she was working he was called lazy and a cocklodger and she was told to get rid.

By the OP's own admission, she became a lady of leisure and enjoyed relaxing days. I think many people would become resentful at funding another adult to do that when they were in a stressful job.

I certainly would.

It's only ridiculous if you beleive women have a fundamental right to opt out of financially contributing to a household rather than it being a joint decision.

Wait hang on, you own 50% of his business???

Talk to a solicitor!!

Ah another manchild who has no idea how much responsibility his wife takes for child-rearing. Sorry, OP. Have you people on your side you can talk to? Think you need to quietly take some legal advice - gloves off. No doubt he underestimates you but you can do this.

So he started an affair last year and has been feeding you ‘the script’ to bash your self esteem and to try and remove blame from his sorry self . It’s a tale as old as time. What a shit . Don’t listen to his bullshit. He had an affair and abandoned his wife and children. End of, simple as that. Make sure you get your fair share of assets etc . Look after yourself as he is no longer your friend .

Remind him of the time before he started taking medication for his ADHD when he needed your help and support, which you willingly gave.

Tell him that he can fuck off with his self-righteous lectures as you are no longer required to listen to his self-important bullshit. Try and find your anger, seek legal advice and start taking the initiative in divorcing your horrible DH.

His ADHD is probably the reason why he is being so impulsive and cold now. It’s like a switch has been flicked in his brain, first he switched to ‘business man’ identity then ‘pulled down by unambitious wife’ identity now it’s ‘London man about town’. This will become very wearing for your DD, dad having a new identity every five seconds.
You need to be the consistent person for her, because he won’t be. Not because he has ADHD but because he has a fragile sense of self hence why he needs to keep changing his identity and expecting the world to adapt to his new self too.
Speak to citizens advice and get a solicitor ASAP

He didn't have any affair because you are not ambitious. He had an affair because he's a dickhead. He could have had a supportive conversation with you, strategising how you could get back to work and highlighting your strengths, but instead he chose to undermine your confidence in every way.

BTW if you own his business 50:50 you need to speak to a solicitor, that gives you strong bargaining power financially.

He is an utter prick, but I will never understand why women make themselves vulnerable in this way, of course he wanted you to be a SAHM it meant he didn't have to take any responsibility for his child or home and he now has a business to walk away with and you're left scrambling. You see it over and over again on here.

If DH walked away from me and ds tomorrow financially I'd be absolutely fine, in fact I'd be in a better position than he would. I grew up poor and learnt quickly that life is hard, you work hard and look after yourself, if anyone else comes along for the ride lovely, but you need to be able to do it on your own. Even when I was young I saw so many women stay in shit relationships with awful men because they couldn't afford not to. It was always the women going part time in flexible jobs earning a pittance, or giving up work entirely, to be around for the kids, while Billy big bollocks did what he liked and expected his dinner on the table because he threw a wad of cash on the table on a Friday.

This. I was also you but nearly 30 years ago. My husband was 30. The shiny new girlfriend was 17. You need a job and a divorce. He is an absolute prick but it isn't new. Men have been being prices forever

A cocklodger is a man who moves in with a woman purely for an easy ride. Very different to having someone's child and becoming a stay at home mum.

Op I think you're well rid and if you find a way to make your own money you'll feel better and more secure without him.

He is paying for everything still atm

but he won’t want to do this forever! You need to file for divorce and get a signed and sealed financial settlement asap, while he is still feeling guilty and/or generous.

Wikivorce
Divorce for Dummies

Gather all financial documentation and see an experienced family solicitor.

be aware that self-employed men and ‘businessmen’ often find it easy to minimize and hide their earnings.

Keep up with that business. You are entitled to 50%. You shouldn't need to rebuild it is already yours. So yes if that is where his money is coming from then he is not paying or everything - your shared business is!

I think you are being mentally abused by him.
Be very careful he doesn't screw you out of what you are entitled to.

Contact Women's aid for advice and support.
Do not allow him to decide what you are entitled to.
Protect yourself.
Next time he tries to lecture you, ask him how would he be without his pills?
Twat.