DH has a new gf because I’m not ambitious enough

He encouraged you to be a Sahm, and then attacked you for that very reason and made it the entire reason he doesn't want to be with you. I bet a lot of your low self esteem issues are because of him and you will blossom without him putting you down.

Well, someone's been drinking the Kool-Aid. With that kind of nonsense, I'd be glad he had fucked off somewhere else.

what are his living arrangements now? Ask him when he's going to start taking DD 50-50.

Whether that's something that happens or not is another thing, but push him into thinking about it. He doesn't get to tell you that you need to be more ambitious and independent and prat around just being a Disney dad.. he's just responsible for her as you are.

Does DD even realise that this is permanent and that he's not just away working or whatever?

The great thing about being separated is that you don't need to listen to him moaning any more. Every time he starts, just say "Sorry, things to do, bye" and walk out.

Just to say he sounds like an idiot and your self esteem and life will soar when you’ve divorced this man. He sounds immature, selfish and somewhat delusional about his own greatness. This is not on you, but on him. It must be very painful for you right now but better things lie ahead. Take things day by day. Know that you are worth much more than this man. You sound like a lovely woman who has the ability and knowledge to set up her own business and is trying to put her daughter first. You have a mumsnet army behind you and life ahead will be much so much happier in time. Best wishes.

He is a twat.

Take him to the cleaners. Make a financially secure future for your daughter and get some therapy to give her a mother who can co parent with a pillock.

This is two totally separate issues:

Splitting up because of your ambition: perfectly reasonable, my parents split up for the sane reason. When they got together they were young and similar ambition then my mum had a baby and has never worked a day since. He was a perfectly good and engaged dad but just got really bored of my mum having nothing in her life apart from kids, particularly when I went to school and she was just faffing around in the house all day. I'm definitely my father's daughter - I could also never be in a relationship with someone who doesn't work.

The girlfriend: you've split up so there's no reason why he can't meet someone but I agree it is too soon to intro her to your little one. That is unreasonable.

Literally no one would say that unless they couldn't read. The child is five. He left her six months ago.

How much time has she been a lady of leisure? And please where are these term time/school hours only that would save him five or six hours of childcare a day that she's doing as a "lady of leisure".

This man wouldn't even be where he is now if you hadn't been there to sort him out with his ADHD at the beginning, holding conversations, keys and so on. Now that he is on medication it has changed him and he is now belittling you and calling you for no ambition. Take control of your life and apply in the meantime for CMS, UC, or find a job and have your own money. He is relishing the fact that is now in control of his life and he can control yours maliciously.
You won't like it if you do 50/50 with your child and the dog but he won't want to do it anyway - but force it on him. Finally just don't do anything for him - don't do his laundry, collect his prescriptions, in fact anything that makes his life easy.

ADHD medication saved my life. And it did not turn me into a selfish arse.

It allows me to work, be physically healthy, have the (mental) resources to be a caring partner, friend, daughter and soon hopefully mother.

I am however against women “fixing” losers that don’t have their shit together.

Get legal advice and tell them about the affair (new girlfriend) as you are still legally married that is infidelity.

A shareholder doesn't necessarily get a wage if they are not employed by the business, only the corresponding % of any dividends.

Start thinking like a man. Like a shitty man.

It doesn’t matter if he thinks you’re wrong. You’re right and you know it. Look after your financial interests and do not concern yourself with his wants.

he‘s telling you to be ambitious? „Why are you nagging me?“

he‘s getting angry? His emotions aren’t your problem.

he doesn’t want to be working with you? Well, he’s obviously free to leave the business.

too tired to respond? Can’t be arsed? Don’t respond.

your life will be easier when you’ve stopped caring (about him). He’s clearly managed to do that with you and is enjoying the emotional freedom.

Contact a lawyer and get your shit together.

You need to get divorced ASAP so he’s forced to buy you out of the business which will set you up for a bit. On the other hand this is why I don’t support ADHD medication

OK get your ducks in a row, get a solicitor, make sure you have all documents, get a job so you are less reliant on a man it will build your own self confidence. Get the solicitor to arrange visitations, if he insists on bringing his girlfriend do so through a contact centre to protect your daughter. Now is the time to woman up and toughen up for your daughter.he has treated you appallingly and you deserve better!

This and then this again. It isn’t his business; it’s a shared endeavour so all the money should be spilt equally. If you are a 50% shareholder you get a wage that is the same as his. You also need to check that he isn’t hiding assets from the business.

What a dick!! Also an absolute cliche. You need to read the script because he’s behaving so predictably.

Please say this to him

How ironic that he is critiquing you for having low self esteem. I would suggest he reflects on how effective that is. If he was trying to help you he’d be encouraging you and building you up.

What you're saying is that due to his ADHD he possibly doesn't miss his DD. She's not there so he doesn't miss her - as you say, out of sight, out of mind. If he doesn't experience missing people himself then getting him to do something sensible and proportionate about the possibility that DD might miss him is not gong to be easy.

I was wondering if the meds have sent him a bit manic. But maybe he's always been that arrogant and self-absorbed and the meds have just brought it out in a more active way. There's going to be fun and games when the new girlfriend dumps him. Or whichever else of his new "ambitions" goes tits-up and things don't go his way.

So I agree about getting taking proper legal advice and getting bought out of the business. He doesn't sound stable and OP you need stability and independence from him, for your own and DD's sake.

It’s so common that women help their husbands do well, sacrifice everything then off they go. I paid for my ex husbands masters and wrote his dissertation, brought up the kids, helped him with his drinking problem and various other unsavoury habits - off he went with the ‘crazy wife’ trope.

The point is half the business IS YOURS he can't just take it away unilaterally. HALF THE INCOME FROM THE BUSINESS IS YOURS. You need to see a solicitor and shake his tree a bit. He has you so downtrodden that you are just agreeing to everything he decrees. You are not worthless - and only entitled to his pity you are an EQUAL PARTNER! Have you seen the company books lately?

You already own 50% of a successful business and 50% of the marital home, you’ll be ok if you don’t let him stiff you on these assets.

@DreamySloth it’s nearly may so surely you have a solicitor on thsi ? Regarding divorce and finances ?
He doesn’t get to just decide .

Has he considered that your “low self esteem” could be something to do with him?!!

You may have low self esteem but is it surprising when someone spends so much time lecturing or criticising you. If you want to overcome your low self esteem I suggest you read the book overcoming low self esteem, seek counselling if this is something you can afford and stop entertaining him when he lectures you. You don’t have to be confrontational if you don’t feel brave enough to say I won’t be spoken to like this, you can simply tell him you need to do something and leave the room. Once you’ve built up some self esteem hopefully you’ll begin to see you deserve much better than the way he has behaved and that you’ve got all you need internally to have a lovely happy life with your daughter, regardless of his actions.