DH has a new gf because I’m not ambitious enough

This
I would have never willingly given up
work / career to allow my dh to focus solely on his own business and leave me in a vulnerable position.

@DreamySloth

You have been to see a solicitor about what you need to do now, haven't you, OP?

You must.

https://solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/

He has you to thank for looking after him before taking meds for his adhd. He’s used you as a stepping stone for a new life, unfortunately. Good luck with your new life going forward.

Totally this.

file now, because whoever files is in the driving seat.

plus it shows him that you mean business.

you can file online, I believe. Then get yourself educated and lawyered up, with a view to getting your ducks in a row.

Get as much evidence of what he has and what the business is worth and any pensions and investments he has. It is all marital assets. The starting point is 50%

So if the business is worth £500k and your house has a net worth after mortgage of £400k and he has a pension of £200k. He can keep the business you can take the house and £150k of his pension.

But that is only a straight 50/50 split you could get more. + if your ex decides he can only do a couple of days per week childcare then you will get CM

Forget getting a job at this time. Time to get to work and get copies of every bank account statement, payslip, pension and investment, ISA and savings account you can find. Company records can be found on line HMRC.gov with regards to company accounts and time to get a good divorce solicitor.

Bank and Credit card statements will show his expenditure if he says he only earns £2.50 per week and can’t afford CM

Why are you letting him do this to you,? Stop all contact apart from to do with your DD.

I would carry on in the business for now and get the groundwork done for your new one, but don't launch till you're divorced.
He sounds like the type who'll come after it.

It's not easy, but you will get over him OP. Focus on yourself, you can't control what he does with DD in his own time, stressing over it will only eat away at you.

You've done well by thinking of the next steps like your business, keep on being positive and your self esteem will soon match up.

Ah, I’m sorry OP - of course it’s too early for your daughter to meet a girl friend. She shouldn’t be meeting anyone unless they are likely to become a long term partner, so certainly a year.

He sounds like an absolute idiot, and long term you are well shot of him.

Since he’s so successful book a series of sessions with a therapist to sort out your head. Gather all your joint financials and go and see a solicitor to see what you’ll get in a split.

Focus on getting back to work and building your own life and career up, you will feel much better and be able to leave him properly behind.

Sort out the money as a priority.

he’s doing that because deep down he knows he wouldn’t be able to do the shit he does now if it weren’t for you getting him through those years.

dont think yourself as less you were technically his carer whilst his adhd was going through management and medication. Fight for yourself and DD and remember adhd people do relapse without support.(he’s just thrown his away) It seems he’s got his life on track but he’s just in a hyperfocus phase (these pass btw) and he’s likely on his way to burnout. How likely with the GF support him? Probably not.

im not saying this for you to feel sad or wait it out but to prepare for him crawling back when he does burnout so you can prepare your ‘fuck right off dear’ speech.

(I have an adhd almost adult and we go through these cycles of amazing hyperfocus and growth then burnout because the meds make DC feel superhuman. Burnout happens, things fall apart and then the cycle starts again)

Don't shoot yourself in the foot.
Your soon to be ex makes his money from the business so it needs to stay profitable enough for him to be paid his wage -as he does most of the work. You, I imagine then (on paper) earn 50% of the profit after all wages and expenses. Sometimes the profit will go back to invest in equipment etc.

Start up your own business and ask ex be understanding and supportive until you are earning enough to draw a wage.

Fortunately your child is at school so now is the time for increasing your business.

Probably. It’s perfectly possible that he’s been planning this for months.

but whether he already has a lawyer or doesn’t truly does not matter. What matters is that you need a lawyer.

Shut down any lectures from him. He doesn't matter anymore.

Id suggest to him that a minimum of 6 months of dating would be an apporipate time to introduce gf to dd as you don't want her upset or annoyed at so many changes.

I don't think you became a lady of leisure. I think you took a bit of a rest after years of picking up after your DH. Now you've rested though, time to work hard.
He will likely discard your DD as he has done you. Might even leave the Gf if she's not massaging his ego.
The business is something you worked hard in. You didn't just 'do a bit of admin' you held everything together whilst he was building the business. It's in your name and his?
So it's how you're going to put food on the table for DD.
It's also not him paying all the bills. That's a joint business. You need to contact solicitors to ensure you don't lose out when leaving the business. Take half of the business so you can spend it on your family; you and dd.

@DreamySloth make sure you get what you’re entitled to.

Show him how very ambitious an ill treated woman can be.

Find out your rights, secure the paperwork, see a solicitor, do not believe a word he says.

I've read too many accounts here from women abused by scornful men. There are many here who've been there and will guide you.

Take him down.

Even if he was fine with you not working at the beginning his head will have been turned by others especially women he works with who will wind him up by slagging you off and calling you lazy whilst praising him for working so hard and being the bread winner.

Women are awful for this if they are working and are resentful of beamy they see as a housewife who is leading a life of leisure because they just think you swan around all day having your nails and hair done and going out for lunch every day and then looking wonderful when you greet your husband home from work.

They forget you're doing all of the housework, life admin and organising the life of your child.

He will have his girlfriend and others slaying you and building him up until he fully believed it himself and dumped you.

I've seen this set up quite a few times, it's quite unnerving how often it seems to happen.
Man meets a woman, plays the poor me...I can't do this without your help sort of victim mentality. The woman then mothers him, taking all other responsibilities off his plate like housework and life admin. Often takes a career break, doesn't want to focus on any of their dreams yet. Even finds jobs for them and cheer leads the man's life. Sometimes the man can't even entertain that the woman has needs also like being married etc. The carrot the man dangles seems to be, we're going to have a big house, you don't have to work dear, I'll pay your pension, look at how our mums and dad's did it and it worked out great for them.
Just when the woman's youth is going or they don't have any financial security net, starts to trust that it's all worked out well or they rely on the man completely the tables are turned.
He calls her names and belittles her and then he goes off to get a younger more independent model and blames everything on the x.
I guess one thing we could take away from this is that our children are watching. Your DD is watching and needs provisions in place to prevent her from repeating this. You could say that to him, we need to save for when a man does this to DD. How are we going to teach her what to look for in manipulative men?

And for goodness sake don't walk away from the business if it's doing so well & you own half! I don't know if you can lodge anything formal to ensure he doesn't falsify papers signing your share away - wouldn't be surprised once he realises what he's got to lose. Get yourself a solicitor fast and submit an application to CMS.

What an arsehole. I'm sure you will look back on this and be thankful but right now you need to take some decisive action. I would be coming down hard on his lectures and telling him in no uncertain terms that the opportunity to give you life advice is now over and to STFU!! If you plan on building a business from scratch then you really need to be doing this in your spare time - you need income and you need it fast. Get yourself a job - any job - check out any benefits you are entitled to and make damn sure you've got a record of DH's finances as it sounds like he's going to play hard ball.

You need legal advice. You own a business together and that means half of it is yours (depending on set up )
Do not sign anything he puts in front of you.

Business needs sorting.
House and other finances too.
Child maintenance application by you will probably get him thinking 50:50 is a good idea.

Work on your own business.

This.

The problem here is would dh be outside the school gates at 9am to do drop offs or at 2.30pm to do his share of the school run or would he pay for wraparound care so his wife could go back to work and probably earn not much more (wraparound care when I did the school run 10 years ago (outer London suburbs and it’s probably a lot more now) was £5.50 per hour per child. Drop off 7am pick up 7pm meant £33 per day

Then there is holiday cover (could quite easily be another £350-£450 per week and you are looking at least £10k+ of net pay on childcare just for one child. Add in the cost of a cleaner and everything else that has to be done because parents are so knackered after spending 3 hours per day stood up sandwiched on a tube or train, a full day of work and Lady of Leisure starts to sound like a financially sound way to go.

Whilst this might be a joint expense, if the overall net income is only a few pounds more or in some cases a negative number, is it worth it.

Out of interest, what is the business OP? I’m curious that you can set a second up with no capital to invest.

I do hope you're going to make sure that you take all the contact details from the old business? After all, if you take your former clients, your ex can hardly complain, you're just being ambitious like he said you should be.