DH has a new gf because I’m not ambitious enough

Is he still living with you? If he is you need to throw his deceased arse out. I don't know how you can share a house with someone who can openly cheat on you. Do you share towels?

This is awful for you & daughter.Get this man out of your life.Has he any idea, how much work running a home looking after & bringing up a child takes.You & daughter deserve so much more! How he has behaved is abuse.I would be a million miles away from this nasty piece of work.Be brave & find a life free from this person.Sending Hugs!

Do you have any family who can support you emotionally?

Please speak to a lawyer ASAP. In the U.K. A SAHM who does so to support her husband’s business is considered to have made an equal value of contribution to the business to the breadwinner. You would be entitled to a fair share of assets AND the business.

Just remember the important bit. When he was struggling with his ADHD symptoms you supported and helped him as you loved him. When you are struggling he’s made the symptoms far worse and not supported you.

On top of that he left you on Boxing Day so that alone sums up anything we need to know about him and his obvious affair.

So now forget about him and his opinions, form your own. You may have low self esteem etc I understand as I’m struggling with crippling anxiety etc at the moment and also not working.

But you can do it and a low paid but routine job would be the best. So take a pt admin job it gets you and your DD into a new routine and your life will start expanding. You will also have your own money then so everything will start to seem brighter.

OP.

Your DH is a massive tool but you’ve not helped yourself by leaving yourself in a vulnerable position. I know it sucks, but you need to pic yourself off and wise up. Get professional advice on the business and keep contact with your ex to chat about DD only.

He probably thinks you’re sitting there with no clue what you’re doing saying things like how unambiguous you are. Get a job, get some professional help - for YOU!

You realise that this was deliberate don't you? He used the facade of trying to encourage you, to put you down and make you feel worthless. He is still doing that. You don't need to entertain his BS unless it is to do with your daughter or business. Tell him to keep his opinion/advice whatever he's calling it now, to himself. Look for work, even low paid admin work, you will be able to claim benefits to support you. You need to be less passive in this process.

Remember that even if your now ex owned 100% of the business, it is still a marital asset

its a really minor thing, but it can make a huge difference in how you act/behave.

Stop referring to him as your 'DH'

He is NOT your 'dear husband' he is your EX.

As long as you keep thinking of him and referring to him as DH you will keep giving him concessions he doesn't deserve.

Mindset in divorce is such an important thing.

And don't tell him ANY of your plans or your successes or anything. Ever. Keep schtum.

All power to you. You can do this.

What is the business?

If it's essentially consultancy - he gets paid for work he does, no assets are owned and it has nothing but contacts, then there isn't much value in it. You say you did bits and pieces (although you also say you didn't work) - can you actually do the work the business requires, or was what you did occasional admin?

Surely if you own 50% of the business, you should take that 50%? get him to buy you out.

better without him. when the novelty of London life wears off and he is broke she will soon clear off.

Then he obviously changed his mind and has since said that I should’ve been pulling my weight, I need to step up.
Still to this day, I get long lectures from him that I should try to be achieving great things but my low self esteem gets in the way

WTF doesn’t he realise that the only reason he is in the position he is in is because he hasn’t got to do the school run look after a child or pay for any wraparound care or holiday cover or take weeks off to do everything.

Did he not realise that you getting a job would mean his life would change

Noooo

I'm in a similar situation nearly 2 years down the line. It was only when I stopped all communication apart from through his lawyer that I started to feel better

100% yes to this first statement. Might shut him up for a bit.

Let him know you look forward to him taking over the childcare so you too can become an ambitious go getter.

Honestly, what a prick. Are the NHS giving out free lobotomies at the minute or something?

And no, his new gf of 5 weeks has no business being involved in his contact time.

You own half that business, so you need professional advice asap. He’s a dick, so you’ve got to wise up sharpish.

This is why women can’t and should never trust men. We give them everything and in return… they take everything. My sympathies op.

Say you get half the house each .
Half the business. He can then give you the whole house for say the whole business.
Obviously it all goes down to the figures and you will know them.
You will need to ask your accountant to give you a value for the business for your solicitor . Even if you are walking away from the business don’t do this without getting what your due from it .

Your DH is a dick. If he has a problem with you not working then he should resolve it, but he uses the excuse to cheat.
I work with mostly men and some do complain a lot about their SAHM wife doing not much and spending money, I don't know sometimes if they are joking or not, but I always think it's dickish to talk about your wife that way when you need her to do childcare and everything else.

He used Op and now has his true ‘preference’