DH has a new gf because I’m not ambitious enough

Its clear that your school didn't, judging by this pose!

I know this word is thrown about a bit much on here, but his behaviour sounds really narcissistic and quite emotionally abusive.
When you are in a more stable place it might be worth getting some counselling.

The fact that you are holding everything together and thinking about business opportunities to support your daughter, after your marriage ending unexpectedly a few months back and what sounds like years of emotional abuse, shows you are anything but unambitious
You sound resilient and respurceful, and emotionally intelligent.

Make sure you see a solicitor about your half of the business well as everything else.

You are being reasonable. He left you and in this situation he has to take your feelings into account. You’ve only been split up a few months so to spring this on you so soon is cruel and incredibly inconsiderate. Out of respect, he should wait a year before he makes a request like that. The other thing is he cannot bring women he has been dating 5 weeks (basically 5 minutes!) to meet your child. It’s not appropriate for the child. Say no because you’d find it distressing and also that he can’t bring a string of women he dates for 5 minutes, that you don’t know, to be around your child. She is a stranger to you and your child. Once they’ve been together a year proving their relationship may have a future, you can allow it.

On another note, at least he’s currently only wanting to see your child twice a week. It’d be harsh for you at the minute for him to ask for 50% and bear in mind that time may come bug perhaps not if he’s in London. Stay strong.

I hope you got advice from a good solicitor because if you are married, as the main carer you are entitled to a specific chunk of his monthly income and a bigger chunk of the house to make up for the fact you forfeited working full time to be a mum and the rules are you have to both move on financially equally.

Good on you for battling forwards while feeling heartbroken and giving the business a go. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, it sounds a great idea. Well done.

i know you probably still love him and it hurts. Keep being a great mum and moving forwards and building your confidence up. You’re going to become a strong woman who your child respects especially when they are old enough to understand.

Most likely this girlfriend of his will be done and dusted in 18 months once the honeymoon period is over and cracks start to show.

I know you don’t want to be in this situation but keep reaching out for support, keep building your work up to get a reasonable income and most of all keep being a great mum!

You’ve got this. We’re all rooting for you!

People are saying it because currently -

He's spending 50% of his downtime outside work IN OPs HOME. Under the guise of seeing their DD. Whilst emotionally abusing OP.

If he wants to see DD he needs to take her to his own flat during his contact time with her and do the grunt work of providing bed, clothes, toys, school uniform, doing school drop offs/pickups on his days, feeding her and clearing up after her etc.

At the moment he's swanning in and out of OPs and DDs lives whenever he feels like it, creating havoc and cherry picking the best bits of everything.

OP can stop that, getting him out of her home whilst also being fair, by offering him genuine 50/50...

... Which he won't want because he doesn't want the grunt work of parenting and it'll cramp his style with new GF.

Then OP will have back majority of the time with DD. And no time at all with him, who's continuing to keep her shut down and passive with his emotional abuse. Plus it'll be his choice not to see DD so much, so he won't be able to blame that on OP.

@BluesBird19764

If he is still paying 100% of your lifestyle then he deserves 50/50 time with his child. Whether he wants that is a different question

He's not. That's the bullshit he's telling her and she's in turn parroting it to us. Along with referring to it as "his business".

Reality is she's earning a wage and dividends, from the business she co-owns and is director of, with him.

If he is still paying 100% of your lifestyle then he deserves 50/50 time with his child. Whether he wants that is a different question.

Sorry but why do people come out with this crap?

"Ha ha, make him do 50/50..."

Like OP can make him do any such thing? On what planet does a man who's clearly walked out on his family, and been staying at this woman's house "house-sitting" (FFS did he really get away with that as an excuse) suddenly go, "oh my god, yes, what a gotcha moment, I must have this child 50% of the time."

That conversation will go:

"Oooh, how's your little set up going to like having DD and all the school runs 50% of the time"

"Lol, I'll see her every other weekend if it doesn't mess with mine and gf plans"

Is the company a limited company? If it is, have you looked it up in Companies House to see who the directors are, and how the filing stands at the moment?

If it is, you should be named as a director, and share holder

If it is not, you will somehow have to establish your 50% ownership. That might mean consulting a solicitor, especially if you are starting up a new business with a similar trade.

You should get legal advice about that, ahead of any divorce proceedings.

Do you know HOW she is encouraging him to do better?

If his reasons for leaving you are that you are not ambitious enough to help him do better, it would be interesting to know how she helps him, since you have known him - hopefully - so much longer.

He sounds self centred and perhaps narcissistic. Thank God he walked away rather than damaging your self esteem beyond redeption. What a horrible character. Goodluck OP. As a pp mentioned, you'd be much better off without him. Xx

Wow so now he's on the ADHD meds and he's super focused he's forgotten all the support and help you gave him? While it's good that they've made such a difference in his life he's an arrogant selfish bastard for dismissing the help you gave him before the meds. Remind him of that. Without the meds he'd be right back where he was before and so called ambition would fly out of the window. The fact that he's now using this against you, to make YOU feel shit about yourself,has got another woman and has left you is cold as hell. Way too soon for the girlfriend to meet DD and for him to have her 50/50 but while you're financially dependent on him, like you said, he calls the shots. So you need to muster up the courage to get out there, get a job and get financially independent. The guy is an utter wanker, you're well rid of him.

You are not being unreasonable. You've been a great support to him during his learning difficulties and have played a major part in his current successes.

It is way too soon to be introducing his gf to your daughter. You are quite right - he needs to spend quality time with her to reassure her that he loves her and hasn't rejected her.

Sounds like he's been gaslighting you for a long time, has knocked down your confidence used you for full time childcare when it was convenient to him, even thought that impacted your career prospects and would have impacted his, if he needed to do childcare himself. He's selfish, entitled and you will be much better off in the long-term. Don't believe any negative nonsense that comes from his mouth. If you didn't stay at home he would have had to pay thousands for a professional to look after your daughter. If he had an issue with you staying at home and not 'earning' then he should have had the conversation with you. Don't rely on him for anything, get a decent lawyer, split proceedings including the business, you are entitled to it as he would not have been able to build this business without your support. And try to find some work, maybe a part time admin position to begin with while you build your own business on the side. You can do it for yourself and your child and it might take some time, but you will get your confidence back. Your daughter one day will know what strong mum she has and what a pathetic weak excuse of father he is. I'm saying this as someone who was raised by a successful single mum. Side note, I don't hate men and have a loving caring husband who is nothing like my bio dad. Xxx

I have been through this kind of scenario and know other women who struggled to get their kids father to see their kids after a split.

My friend weng through a family court to set up access arrangements for their 3 sons because dad was not doing anything to spend time with the 3 boys.

Even the courts said Dads ( or any parent) cannot be forced legally to spend time with their own children.

The only thing that can be enforced is Child support payments if he refuses to pay the amount calculated by CMS.

Make sure you get all your financial affairs in order, sell the house, get legal advice on who gets what because you are the main caregiver of your child so legally you are entitled to a larger split of equity.
If he kicks off, which he will, send him your solicitors details and do not engage with him if he's being anything other than reasonable.

Make a fresh start in a new home does wonders for creating a new life. Go find somewhere you would like to live. You are in control now.
Start to rebuild your life. It takes time but you will heal.

Sell up, move on. Gain financial independence. Start a new hobby.
All these things will give your self esteem a boost.
There is a new life waiting for you. Take back control now.

What a disgusting human being. See a lawyer immediately and make sure you get what you're entitled to. Don't let him belittle you and diminish you, he's clearly been shagging behind your back for months.

This whole story is making me so sad. OP you are worth more and Im so sorry he didn't see your worth. Please lawyer up and get ready he is going to play dirty.

Sorry what does this mean? Did they ... "and English"??

I was just thinking the same thing. I would be full on raging if someone fucked me and my kid over like that, especially after encouraging me to be in a vulnerable position of not even having any financial independence. And then to dump you on boxing day as well. Has the man got no fucking shame??!! What a massive cunt.
I'm raging now actually.
OP you need to get some self-esteem fast. Go to counselling and sort out some of your old issues or you will end up in the same scenario with next bloke. You need to know your worth. You are worth 10 of him. Sending you lots of strength and wishing you the best of luck with your new venture. Xx
P.s my ex did something similar we were together years, dumped me and then phoned me two weeks later to warn me he was going on a first date with someone he'd known for ages and didn't want me to hear on the grapevine. I believed it as well but the bastard was cheating on my for absolutely ages and it appears loads of people knew. I know it's devastating but you'll get through it and be stronger and more badass than before.

Assuming that you went to school, did they ever teach and English?

What a fucking deluded bellend he is!!!! It's not you it's him. He's a self indulgent wanker. Ffs. Men!!! They fecking retards

He sounds a particularly charmless individual. Classic advice is, let him get on with his life and concentrate on your own. He’s just some bloke, he’s not the arbiter of what’s good or bad. Do what makes you content and leave the new girlfriend to enjoy the lectures.

OP, you’ve also been focused on raising your daughter and trusted this man when he said it was your time to heal. You’re not a failure in any way - he’s eroded your confidence with his betrayal. No shame in trusting your husband. Don’t let the grief pretend to be guilt. That’s on him. You sound absolutely lovely and you will be very pleased very soon that you dropped this sack of shit x

I agree.

You've got a chance to get rid of this mill stone from around your neck that was dragging you down down down.
You absolutely don't have to listen to his stupid self important lectures anymore, which are all designed to say how important he is in comparison to you. He's wrong, but let him think that if that's what he gets a kick out of it. But you no longer have to participate or engage in his nonsense and self agrandisement.
He was only able to get where he is now because he had you as an effective support system.
Now you can apply all that support to yourself! and you will flourish and it will no longer matter with he thinks. It will be come irrelevant to you because you will have time to focus on yourself instead of propping up this energy drain.
You can hold your hand palm up and have some stock phrases
"So you say... can we please discuss xyz."
"Yes. Yes.. You've already said that... what time are you picking up DD."

Or "Can we get back to the topic in hand?"
Could you put that in an email. I don't have time to chat now.
and so on.
Good idea to put everything in writing anyway.
Look at your watch continuously.

But really I'd make him make appointment and stop spending time in your home, have DD ready to go as soon as he gets there...

What nice thing could you do together with your daughter this weekend?

Get your ducks in a row.
Get everything in writing.
Either take 50 % of the business, or take the contacts and start your own.
find work, and get some finances behind you, as you are reliant on him atm.
Start divorce proceedings.
Get maintenance sorted.
It's going to be a pain in the butt.

He has done you a favour. Trust me. He will only grind you down further and make it seem like it was your fault. He will call you stagnant so he can dull your sunlight.
He will argue the toss with an empty room for the sake of it.
He sounds like an eristic prick.
Take what is yours and focus on healing and building yourself up for you and your daughter.

If you give this eristic prick any more of your time, then you are showing this to your daughter.
He is a twat. 👊
You deserve better.
Please believe it. Hugs to you 🫂

OP has enough on her plate with her Husband.
She doesn't need us piling in on her.
Let's be kind, supportive and constructive.