what would you do 72 years old farmers wife

Just abroad your own / with a friend, if you have no money worries then why not, your husband can look after himself for a couple of weeks if he doesn’t want to go.

In a few years time you may be too old to do it

My father is a farmer ( semi retired now) and he feels like he can never leave the farm as things will go wrong, he does however (with my mother) go abroad for 4/5 days a year but it’s a bit of a struggle to make him go, for years when we were younger and he was busier he wouldn’t go abroad at all

Can you not go on a coach trip? Days out with National Express or similar. Quite reasonable and lots of friendly people .what about a railcard ? Lots of deals

@farmerwifesfriend
Please tell us what country you're in.

Most of the replies seem to think that you're in the USA & free to travel alone.

The language you used makes me think you are in the USA. I love Americans and your husband’s attitude is not unusual for the Americans I have met.
i am also aware a lot of Americans go to Church. Is there a ladies group who could be persuaded to pros trip to the ocean?
Most Americans, especially farmers, drive and think nothing of a long round trip, especially if rural.
can you drive there?
If money and time no problem, book a cruise. It doesn’t have to be a party cruise- Cunard cater for mature cruises and have meetings for solo travellers.
Please see the ocean. It is part of God’s creation.
Bless you

I'm a few years younger than you. About 10 years ago I realised that even though we now had the time and the money my husband had absolutely no desire to see the world. For holidays he just wanted to visit the same three places over and over again (his home country, NY and Bermuda). All lovely places but not enough for me. I resented being restricted and it caused arguments.

Eventually I decided to travel on my own or with friends. I'm away 2 or 3 months a year. I've been all over Asia, Central America and Europe. Sometimes mini-breaks, sometimes a week long package or a cruise, the occasional month long trip. Next year I plan to do a multi destination trip round Africa.

I don't blame DH for not wanting to travel. I suspect he has undiagnosed autism and cannot handle stepping out of his known routines. TBH he can't even contemplate a change as basic as wearing a short sleeved shirt in a heatwave or selling his knackered car for one that actually starts. It's not his fault, it's the way he is wired. But I can't let his issues hold me back.

And on the upside - my frequent absences have resulted in him finding the way to the washer and dryer!

I hear you, my DH is similar and never wants to go anywhere. You know what, though? I go places by myself, life's too short to miss out.
I'm not missing out on places to go and things I want to see just because no-one else wants to or can go with me!
Just had a little mini overnight break by myself actually, it was lovely.
Please don't sit and get upset that you never go anywhere, do something about it if you're able (money and health wise)
Doesn't have to be anything big if you can't afford much.
Just a day to yourself somewhere new, and get to that ocean! Everyone needs to see the sea at some point

Because while Britain is mostly surrounded by seas, America has oceans on either side. The words are not interchangeable

People who have security of a home and no money worries can still be living in prison of sorts. Ironic in the sense it sounds like you're living like a farm animal. Confined to one area, same routine day in and day out.

Don't live your life full of regret, get out there and start living. AS others have suggested pick a date and do it. Take a friend or relative with you for support if you like.

I like the way everyone on here is saying 'ocean' right now :)

If the OP can drive or there's suitable public transport, which may not be the case in rural US.

OP, are you able to leave the farm for the day? Can you get to the ocean (eg drive and access to a car and money?). If you're not confident going alone, which really shouldn't be a worry, it's really fine to go places by yourself, then do you have a friend or relative to go with you?

Just because your DH doesn't want to leave the farm, or feels that he can't, doesn't mean you shouldn't or that he won't let you go.

Please, please go on your own. Life is too short not to see the sea.

If you're in the UK a coach tour could be perfect. My grandma goes on an coach holiday every year, sometimes alone and sometimes with a friend. She says there are always single passengers and people tend to chat over dinner etc.

I'm a farmers wife too. Has it always been like that for you? My DH would probably keep happily farming away 365 days a year but I make him go on holidays, which he then enjoys.

My ILs are around your age. They don't go anyway. But FIL has had a few big trips with my SIL, MIL isn't interested. Can you go with someone else?

In the long term does your husband ever plan to retire? Will you sell the farm or do you have someone to take it on? What would happen if he was too sick to work?

I'm just curious as he doesn't seem able to take a few days off.

Guessing you aren't in the UK as we don't say 'ocean' - usually 'sea'.

Do you mean you've never been to a beach/ sea in your life?

Where do you live? Are you 72or is he?

If you want to stay with him you need to carve out your own thing. A couple hobbies etc. Friends you could travel with. If he doesn't want to go anywhere that's fine but ita not stopping you.

I'm lucky I've always lived by the sea, infact I live right next to the water now, I go on holiday all the time as lifes too short, the ocean and water is magical it's my happy place, you need to go on holiday on your own to the ocean, life is far too short

He is thinking about only himself and what he needs or wants. You are the linchpin to why he has the life that he has. Farm probably comes first in most situations but it is the people on the farm who come first. You are not getting your needs met and you have got used to being put way down the line all the time. In fact you may be seen or told as causing trouble or upsetting everybody and the workings of the farm by even requesting what you want. Get a friend and start making changes .....ignore husband's demands and possibly trying to guilt you into not going away. The backlash may be guilting you or saying " you left me on my own" or feigning or exaggerating sickness or ailments.

Mum in her seventies toured Italy. The following year she did NYC and New England. Do one of those Caribbean cruises if you're in the USA it's all organised for singles.

Do people actually read posts! The lady says she lives on the farm with her husband , and no family living there.I'm also assuming the US. Farming is an incredibly hard intensive life. You can't throw a sickie have a lie in.. course this is Mumsnet,so you would be expected to divorce..I would be very surprised at a non driving farmers wife.. hire a campervan, take yourself off,go where you want to,see the ocean
After all these years of seclusion,it would be very scary going on a cruise for instance,you likely wouldn't have a suitable wardrobe,a lot of strangers can be very intimidating,if you're not used to it..

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Go and see the ocean! Do you have any children or a friend to go with, if he doesn't want to go?

Farmers can really be so stuck in their ways, especially the older generation! They think if they leave the farm than it’ll disintegrate completely. The lifestyle creates workaholics and it can be SO difficult to break that cycle as even when they are forced to have a day off the phone still rigs, or they’re thinking about what they’re sowing next, or feeding cattle or buying another tractor.

You don’t have money worries which is a massive advantage, especially in farming. Take advantage of this and go yourself. Plenty of farmer’s wives do! I know you want to spend time with your husband but you know yourself you’ll be waiting forever. Just leave him to work the farm, he’s and adult and it’s his choice. But don’t waste your life not fulfilling your desires to do things you want to do!

Definitely go on your own, or with a friend.

💐

Ah, I feel for you - being a farmers wife is never understood unless you've lived it. Your life isnt your own, you essentially cater to your husband and the land.

My Nan was a farmers wife, my grandad sadly passed away 9 years ago and even though she was grieving, I have never seen my Nan do so much.

She's reconnected with old friends, gone on holiday twice with us, does regular coach trips to the coast etc.

My advice is give up on your husband wanting to leave the farm, he won't. It's his entire life. Is there anyone else you can go away with? And ignore the guilt of 'will he be okay' because he will cope, and you need to live your life too.

I’m 75 and my husband died last year. I had looked after him for 10 years through his illness and so I couldn’t go away then. Now if I go anywhere it’s on my own, and it’s really ok. Just do it. Book a hotel by the ocean for a couple of nights and go. It will be so good for your mental health.

You're in the US & have funds? What about planning an Alaskan cruise? You'll see lots of ocean.