Forgive me for long post but need to get off chest my dad always been quite lewd, he’s 78. Long sad story short my lovely mum had cancer and died late last year, obviously leaving me my sister and dad devastated. He now lives alone with limited mobility.
start of story is when my mum was alive and unwell he one day told me I looked nice in the (thin) jumper I was wearing, I felt uncomfortable and went into the kitchen and he shuffled in and followed me and tried to touch my boobs and I shot round and told him to get off me and obviously felt absolutely shocked. A little while after he came up behind me and touched my bum and I shouted at him. All thoughts running through my mind and one of them to go and tell me mum but then sensibly realised I could never do that.
my sister lives a long way away and occasionally comes up to visit and take over any care my dad gets from (reduced work hours to help him before this) and I cannot remember how we got on the subject but she said after a lot of difficulty that when she was last up she was bending over dusting and he said she would give him a hard on (that was difficult to write and for her to say) she walked out. I then told her what he had done to me and we didn’t really know what to do anyway the straw that broke the camels back was one evening just as I was leaving after cooking his dinner etc (I live 2 mins round the corner) he asked me how he could watch adult tv. I was stupidly confused and said you can watch adult tv it’s on now thinking he meant normal tv and he said 2 or 3 times no I mean pornography. I throw the controls down and walked out and proceeded to drive to other end of country to stay with my sister after writing him a 4 page letter telling him what we thought of him. He has never apologised but my sister (who’s tougher than me) called him but he said it was cocky bravado and was stupid).
he has never apologised and I went back to looking after him but keeping my distance.
my sister has visited and one afternoon when we were both there he was whispering in his bedroom and I said to her I don’t know what he’s whispering about I think he sits in there and swears and moans about everything and doesn’t want to do it in front of us he does it every evening after having a shower. She crept up to the doorway and then came back and said I think he talks to mums photo and came and sat down. He was none the wiser but then he started again and I heard him saying along the lines (I couldn’t hear exactly) but (here we go deep breath again) that he fantasises about us with no clothes on or me but definitely something along those lines. I had that punch in the gut feeling and just sat there and didn’t say anything. To her as she was leaving from there for the long drive home. I did message her and told her what I had heard and she said she will have it out with him or write him a letter and to not go there. I told my husband who is fuming.
that’s another thing since my mum died he hates my husband and would be more than happy if he never saw him struggles to say hello to him etc and my husband has now said wants nothing to do with him.
i truly believe the reason he hates my husband is because he hates the thought of me having a husband I mentioned this thought a while ago to my sister but it went by the wayside and we thought oh maybe not that’s dramatic and a bit weird to think he thinks that way . My sister when last visiting called him out on it aand asked why he was so off with my husband and my dad said we have nothing in common and have nothing to talk about(rubbish you can find something talk about for 10 mins) .
before all of this I admittedly spent too much time at my dads as I felt sorry for him and he loved it and kept saying my friends keep saying you remind them of mum etc etc and other close to the mark comments. He’s always made me feel uncomfortable and the thing that is driving me insane is I still feel sorry for him but also he makes me feel sick. I would love to not go there but he cannot look after himself well technically he can ….
I feel without having to sickeningly stand outside his bedroom door again and listen precisely to what he’s saying to himself everyday I cannot call him out on it and I don’t want it to become a witch-hunt. At the same time I feel like he sits in his room and talks to himself about it cause he can’t control himself and that makes me want to run a mile . He was always a bully to my mum and controlling but can cry at the drop of a hat etc etc .The last thing is and I’m sure people will think I’m being over the top he has a little dog we bought my mum as a puppy a. Couple of weeks before she was diagnosed and I idolise her as she reminds me of my mum and also she is lovely . If I was to take her from him (he cannot walk her) I do that twice a day I fear he would consider doing something to himself as he has cried before and said she’s all he has left etc etc.
he does not have dementia btw he is fully with it apart from his mobility so that’s not the reason he’s being a gross person. Please be mindful I know it’s really easy to say just walk away but I am not finding it that easy and things are never that simple although I wish they were.
Any similar stories or advice as to what I should do