To have reacted like this to someone who won’t allow me to get a word in edgeways?

Find a new friend.
Find a new pub.

The talking louder thing to shut you up is def more a male thing ime (though not exclusive to men). It really really annoys me.

I do the go silent thing too, but there's a knack to it. The trick is to stay silent when they expect you to speak, make it awkward. Eventually I say, 'Oh, am I allowed to speak now? It's just that every time I try, you talk over me anyway.'

This mostly works on ADHD friends who actually like/respect me so take notice. If you're not close or it's a professional environment it's probably not that appropriate!

I think this is hilarious. I've just come out of hospital and my stitches hurt from laughing at this 🤣

Was just going to say this. Most of the people I know that do this have ADHD. You sound really proud that you interrupted her with your loud, stupid noise however you clearly humiliated her in front of regulars at the pub. Doing that to someone you consider a friend is pretty shit. Why not find a way to speak to her about this, she may not even realise she's doing it

You sort of encouraged this by entering into conversation with her. Given she was at work, it might have been better to interrupt by saying (loudly) something like "Sorry, got to get back to DH, can I have my drinks?"

I go completely silent when it happens to me but it doesn't deter them. When it happened last week it would have been quite obvious I was uncomfortable. Aside from the silence, I kept looking around trying to catch someone's eye so they'd save me. In the end I interjected with one 'mmmm' and walked away.

Try going completely silent with people like this. I think saying “mm” etc is just telling them to keep going. You need to shut her down with body language.

I suspect a lot of people were a bit borderline, maybe only did the monologues some of the time, but regressed a lot in lockdown. There's definitely more of this now.

YANBU at all.

I've noticed an increase in this kind of behaviour over the last few years. I had a man do it to me last week at a social event, after I made small talk with him about his job. It makes me want to scream and often it will end with me walking/turning away quite abruptly and then I feel bad about being rude, but fuck it. They need to learn.

You don't know that just like I don't know that. She could equally just be self obsessed. Autism is rolled out as an excuse for bad behaviour so many times on here

I’d message and say “I’m sorry I embarrassed you. I’ve been frustrated for a long time that you always dominate the conversation. You never ask me questions or let me speak. You’d been talking at me for ten minutes solid, I thought this might be a lighthearted way of making it stop. That was misjudged”.

No, none of this is the right approach . Is it ok to order my drinks? Why not apologise for existing at the same time.

I’ve seen my mum twice and spoken on the phone twice since I came back from holiday in New York, she’s never once mentioned or asked about the holiday .

she also can’t do the usual social how are you how you’ve been like your relative, just launches into a monologue, usually starts with “what I need you to do is” and assigns me a task. Lack of emotional intelligence in her case.

I used to work with a man like this. Bob (not his real name) used to corner people and just talk at them about anything. We used to call it ‘Being Bobbed’. I am pretty sure he had an autism diagnosis.

Oh 😂😂😂😂 this is brilliant. I wish I had been there.

But why is she embarrassed, she didn’t make the noise? That’s like saying a cow strayed mooing when I was speaking how embarrassing for me.

Ah no I know it’s because she turns everything back to herself and has no ability to self reflect.

I had this with a relative last week, it was a family event and I’d not seen her in about five years. She didn’t even ask me how I was, just launched into a huge monologue about various things that happened to people I didn’t know about 20 years ago, it was so weird, all I could do was nod and probably look shell shocked…

I had a friend who did it too, I don’t see her now, it was pointless because every time we met up we’d come away and I’d barely have got a word in edgeways, we didn’t actually have a conversation I may as well have been a brick wall for her to talk at.

My lovely friends does this but it’s just gets progressively worse the more she drinks.. so 3 glasses of wine in and not a chance of talking. It’s pretty exhausting, but her heart is in the right place, we take it in turns to be the listener, for me I sometimes go out and can’t be arsed to talk so she’s fab for that.

Why do you think autism is an actual diagnosis? It’s not a minor thing. And one of the main features is struggles with social communication… her behaviour sounds exactly like an autistic person who is unaware of how another person is responding/feeling during their ‘conversation’. She’s lost in her world of thought and verbal diarrhoea. Yes, it’s annoying for the OP, but also, what it isn’t is NASTY, or humiliating, which the OPs behaviour was. She could very easily have laughed and said ‘please could I order some drinks?’

Do what my line manager did with a colleague we have like this.

Colleague wouldn’t shut up (never does), so part way through line manager gets up and opens the window.

Colleague asks why she did that, line manager responded “you’ve got a talent for sucking all the air out of a room.”

The thing is, there’s a social contract where, if you are meeting someone one on one, you each get a third of the conversation. The last third is up for grabs. People who don’t keep to it end up pissing everyone off.

Someone upthread said that you can train her out of it. Realistically I think this would be even weirder. She’s another adult, not your dog or child.

I wouldn’t worry about it, you went into the pub, went into your local and instead of doing her job she just made it all about her. She must of seen your frustration in your face but still kept gabbling, she is not a friend she is someone your friendly with. A friend is someone who not only wants to share their news but interested in how you are, what’s happening in your life and your views and not just constantly droning on about themselves 100% of the time.

I was waiting for someone to come along and say this. Maybe she is just a self obsessed idiot. She works in a public facing role, has no self awareness and rants at customers about her life without serving them or letting them speak.

Op I would find another pub. I would also send her a text and explain that she was over sharing personal details in earshot of all her customers, unfortunately you find she doesn't let you speak and this happens a lot so is not the first time.

Conversation is a two way street

It's obviously an unconscious pattern of behaviour for her. If you care about maintaining the friendship you can 'train' it out of her. Use a visual cue to stop her, (hold a hand up in a 'stop' gesture each time so you can reply. If that doesn't work then she's very far gone and you should literally turn your back on her, don't go anywhere, just turn your back overtly. If it somehow sill happens, walk away without a word. This is negative reinforcement, the removal of attention to make the behaviour extinct.

You have raised the issue with her so hopefully she should become more self aware after that and recognise what is causing the change of behaviour.