To have reacted like this to someone who won’t allow me to get a word in edgeways?

You probably were being a bit unreasonable but you have made me laugh op.

You made your point I am sure it wasn't the first time that she has heard something along those lines.

Barmaids usually have an outgoing personality, it helps with the job. She is the extreme version.

I wonder what is the thought cycle? Are they in some weird feedback loop whereby they initially don’t let people speak, and then because no one is speaking they assume people have nothing much to say, forgetting that they initially didn’t allow anyone to speak? Or do they get some kind of special pleasure from their own voice? Or do they get off on boring the pants off people?

I would expect at least some overlap between those who don't read non-verbal communication well and who don't understand how conversation works. This approach isn't going to work on everyone.

This.

There's a work colleague in my office who rabbits on non-stop. It's annoying, but I just give a wide berth. In situations such as these, if I need to walk away, interject, I would do so in an assertive manner. I do this a lot with people who like to ramble on. I try to be polite but can only tolerate being talked at for so long.

She sounds very irritating and likely won't change, so you will need to adopt new strategies. You could maybe apologise [if you wish to], make any excuse (eg. Bad day etc) or just be brief and diplomatic and move on.

I don’t think these people can take any hint/give a shit about your body language. “Yeah it’s really interesting - sorry I’ve got to go and do X now” is the only way.

Haha! We all know at least someone. The people I know are mostly women. Times like that, I tend to extract myself. Pop to the loo or the bar. Or say I’ve got to dash if I’ve bumped into them.

OP I wouldn’t describe her as a friend as such.

I have an acquaintance/work colleague who is part of a wider group of friends not quite as brazen as your bar maid but loves to talk about herself.

This one will interrupt a conversation and ask something like has anyone got any holidays booked (they get 30 seconds before she goes off on one about where she has been, where she would like to go or where she is going). Or another is whats everyone doing at the weekend. Again she allows the group 30 seconds then she interrupts and goes off on one about what she is doing. Or has anyone been to such and such or used X brand of paint, make up or furniture from such and such always an expensive brand. Recently, I have started saying hang on a minute Karen Julie was just talking or in the middle of telling us all about such and such.

The people I've encountered like this are men. The worst was the husband of a colleague. We used to have a company Christmas meal and partners were invited. Small company so only 8 attendees. Every Christmas this man would monologue for the whole meal. The worst was 2 hours listening to him talk about issues with probate over his brother's will.

You were driven to it.
Text her that you apologise if you hurt her feelings BUT you felt driven to it.
Her non stop long monologues are very rude and stressful when you are just trying to get drinks.

Also next time put your ✋️up to stop her.
She sounds ghastly.

Well it's done now OP she will probably be frosty and not really speak to you again, which sounds like that would be preferable to you. Job done then.

@thaigirl it was rude but I’m not surprised it got to that point if she’s like that every time. Maybe let DP go to the bar for the next few times 🫣😬

IMHO this is a case of two wrongs not making a right. And blurring of boundaries.

She’s at work. Her job is to serve customers. If she doesn’t serve you promptly, exchange brief pleasantries, then leave you in peace, no doubt she’s not doing her job as expected. Though it sounds like the sort of pub where bar staff chat as mates with the regulars.

And you also say she’s a friend. Some people are more chatty. We should all be able to vent a bit to friends. But she’s clearly not realising you’re in the pub as a customer, rather than to chat to her.

So, you should be more assertive, rather than passive aggressive. It was rude to make a noise rather than interjecting calmly, politely and assertively:

”Sorry to interrupt. Could I have a drink, please. I want to go and sit down”

”Sorry to interrupt. We’re here for a quiet drink. Could I chat to you some other time”

She obviously struggles to understand social norms and good customer service. When people clearly don’t realise, it’s best to let them know if it bothers you if you’re being reasonable. As she’s texted you, I’d use the opportunity to let her know directly:

“I’m sorry I was rude and spoke to you about this in front of other customers. I realise it embarrassed and blindsided you when we’re friends. I was frustrated, as you were talking a lot rather than serving me. I should have let you know more discretely that when I come to the pub, it’s for a drink, rather than a chat. It’s always good to see you. But I usually want to get my order and sit in peace. I also feel awkward when you tell me private things about your ex. I should have made all this clear before, but I didn’t want to hurt your feelings”.

She may get shirty and offish with you for being direct with her. Or she may keep doing it when she knows how you feel. In either case, she’s hard work and I’d give her a wide berth. But also try to see it with a bit of humour. We all know chatty people where it’s harder to get a word in. Better that, IMHO, than people who barely say a word.

Yes you're wrong...I had a partner just like this. It was mortifying meeting up with people as he talked and talked and talked. No matter how calmly and nicely I asked him to listen to other people he just wouldn't or couldn't.

Of course it’s ok if OP orders her drinks. This person is bar staff. Why should a customer pander to the waffling of an inefficient service provider??

She has poor social skills and unawareness. There no reason to embarrass her. Surely says her name loudly a few times would have had the same effect

The first time she approached us for a chat as we sat in the beer garden and I immediately noticed how she loved to dominate the conversation.

Jesus Christ, why the hell did you persevere after this point?? Go to a different pub. I’m irritated and I don’t even know her.

I have a SIL like this. Overbearing, overloud, just SO annoying.
I tend to avoid her at all costs, and walk away if she tries to talk at me. Never anything interesting, just a long drone of rubbish.

This has really made me laugh! You contained the frustration until it built up to the point of foghorn. It's the stuff of comedy sketches!

There seems to be a lot of people around like this. It’s baffling. I’m a good listener but often come away feeling completely used.

Found it "To have laughed at her Slimming World advice" in 2022. The OP hooted like an owl to stop her colleague banging on about Muller Lite yogurt 😀.

Hi OP,

I think this is called "monologuing" and is a sign of ASD. You might just need to pack an air horn. No offense to ASD people. I am diagnosed ASD myself.

She's not a friend. She sees you as someone she can talk at and hold captive. I think your way of stopping her in her tracks was probably a bit OTT but it did the trick.
Who owns the pub? I would be having serious issues about her failure to sell drinks because she's holding court. Presumably you're not the only one she does this with.
I understand what you mean about the pub and character. Next time, send your husband in to buy drinks.

It was a strange thing to do, but maybe it will make her think.

I have a friend that talks about herself and has never grasped the art of conversation and it being a back and forth. She’s a crashing bore and most of our friendship group avoid her wherever they can. Of course, she’s completely oblivious to this.

Reminds me of a thread a few years ago when either the OP or a friend/colleague hooted like an owl.