To have reacted like this to someone who won’t allow me to get a word in edgeways?

I had a friend like this a few years ago. She was seeing a really nice bloke at the time and spent her time giving out about him to me and anyone who would listen.

She came to my house one evening for a few drinks before a gig later. As soon as we opened a beer She started on about said bf. I just turned to her and said that I don't want a whole night listening to this bs about bf. She looked at me shocked and said I can leave if you want and I just shrugged at her and said if you want to ok. She was expecting me to say oh no don't go but I didn't. She changed her tune pretty quickly after that and we continued with our night and very little was mentioned about bf for the rest of the night.

I need to know! Did you ever get to order your drinks? 🤣

I know two people who do this and both were later diagnosed with adhd. One of the people I know who does it comes across as incredibly rude as she’ll talk over you and make every conversation about herself, for example I’ll mention something like, oh I’m thinking about buying a new tv, and she’ll monologue forever about when she bought a new tv, and I can’t get a word in edgeways or I’ll mention an illness I’ve been diagnosed with and she’ll say something like oh I think I have that (she absolutely doesn’t). It is really annoying however she is actually aware she does it and can’t help herself and gets quite down about it. Because of her adhd she really struggles with the social etiquette and knowing how a conversation should flow. She said she either talks and talks or just stays silent because she doesn’t know when to join in. She also says that when she does the ‘oh me too’ thing about literally anything, that she’s trying to show she sympathises / identifies with what I’m saying and is sharing her experience in solidarity. So yes, at first she really pissed me off but as I’ve got to know her more I’ve realised that she feels embarrassed about it but is unable to change and I’ve come to understand her and why it is she struggles to have a conversation that’s back and forth.
The other person I know who does it I don’t know them well enough to ask if they’re aware they’re doing it. This lady is less rude with it though, although she monologues a lot and controls the conversation she does let you talk back.

I’ve reread the OP’s posts. This person is a “friend” but has the OP’s number. Honestly, the two of you aren’t going to be friends. It’s up to you whether you respond.

A recommended technique for neurodiverse children who monologue is to put limits on it. So they can talk about their special subject until the next street, the end of the song or 2 turns of the egg timer. Then they have to stop.

If you are to continue a friendship with this person, it sounds like you need to have a chat with her and perhaps agree a signal between so that she knows to wind up.

Ah, you see this would be unacceptable in so many ways. I don’t tolerate my close family talking to me when I’m on the toilet, I’d be creeped out if a colleague did this.

I think the problem is that people who tend to do this is that they irritate others, who then avoid them. So when they do meet someone who tolerates it, they are even worse - because they feel as though no one listens to them.

Why are you friends with someone you clearly don't like and appear to enjoy embarrassing in public? What do you do that irritates your friends - and how do you think they should draw attention to this?

An airhorn may not be loud enough, better a vovozela. When the pub is shocked into silence the OP can loudly say with a smile - "heck, that was loud but now that I have your attention can I order....? 😉

Seriously OP, she's not your friend and is an awful pub barmaid. Don't overthink it.

I have a friend like this, I love her dearly but it can be very wearing. At her worst (it’s worse when she’s stressed), if you can imagine Uncle Colm from Derry Girls (she’s from Northern Ireland too!) but speaking much faster. I do shut her down gently, but I fear she alienates people with this way of speaking.

hard to say without knowing of she was more bar staff or more friend.

I’m confused whether you went to the bar for a chat or for a drink. Or both maybe.

If you go to a bar to ask for a drink and it takes 10 minutes of small talk chat aimed AT you then surely you would simply interject somehow and remind her you were there to order drinks please. In fact I think I wouldn’t wait ten minutes, I’d assume she needed a reminder way before that..after a minute.

How come you made ‘friends’ with her in the first place when you got the measure of her immediately upon meeting. You don’t exactly describe her as friend material so how come you gave her your number.

But if you were a friend, then I’d say that yes, it wasn’t so good to lose your temper with her and humiliate her in a public space. I can understand her feeling upset if she thought you were a friend.

And I don't think you should care about 'embarrassing her'. She's got one job - to serve drinks. It doesn't sound as though she's doing this very efficiently if you're waiting ten minutes listening to her rabbitting on - does she not get an enormously long queue? Do other people not complain? Because in every pub I've ever worked in she'd have the job for about half an hour before she got kicked out.

Totally understandable and sounds like she deserved it.

I do sometimes wish though that we were all more comfortable giving almost immediate feedback in a calm, private way. The British model is very much to silently smoulder for weeks and weeks while appearing to be nice and polite, then losing our shit in a way that the other person finds baffling, allowing them to think the other person is the problem (ie not learning and changing).

Don’t get me wrong - I do this too. I just have this fantasy world of speaking freely, firmly but nicely every time someone annoys me.

5 mins into first monologue: “I can tell you like talking, but I’m here for a quiet chat with my husband, so we’ll have to end it here. Thanks for the drinks!” Or “I’ve noticed you talk unbroken for a long time. I enjoy conversations when both people show an interest in each other, so I’m going to end it there. Have a good day!” “I’ve noticed you only ever talk about your own child and their achievements, while being dismissive of anything I say about my child. I like chats that are more equal than that, so I’m going to head off now” “I’ve noticed you talk a huge amount about your diet, and I’m afraid it’s a topic I don’t find interesting. Shall we switch to something else, or finish it here?” Or “Do you notice that I’ve asked you five questions about yourself and you’ve asked me none about me? That makes me feel I’m talking to someone who isn’t interested in me. I don’t enjoy that, so I’m ready to move on now.”

If everyone did this and it was acceptable, people would learn to be way less annoying!

About 18 months ago I made a conscious decision to disentangle myself from people like this who I already knew, and to walk away from any new friend exhibiting signs of monologue syndrome. I don't have loads of friends, but the ones I do have actually listen. We take it in turns to speak, we are interested in each other and acknowledge what the other has to say, and have an actual proper conversation! It's wonderful.

Yeah OP, you really were rude to make a noise like this (although I’m laughing imagining it) - no wonder she’s embarrassed! Couldn’t you have just said jokingly like ‘bloody hell would you let me get a word in so I can order my drinks!’ - especially if you do value her as a friend (although I’m not sure you do??)

The head of my department does this. She has actually followed a colleague to the toilet various times and continued her monologue there. There is no way to stop these kind of people.

You have learnt your lesson. Next time just order. If she starts up conversation politely tell her that you better get back to your table as it’s a precious bit of couples time.

Fucking hilarious. I would have paid to see it.

I know loads of women like this. You try to interject, they sort of register the fact you have spoken, look slightly disturbed and carry on talking.

Brilliant. Just own it. When you see her just say ‘Look for the love of god I just wanted a pint and a G&T, I couldn’t get a word in bloody edge ways. Next time I’ll just put my hand in the air so you know it’s my turn to order drinks and your turn to stop talking. That a deal? Ha ha!

But I think YANBU - how will she know if no one ever pulls her up?

I don’t blame you for doing what you did. I’d say, “I’m sorry that you felt humiliated. I was trying to be funny because I’d been waiting to order my drink for 10 minutes and you hadn’t given me a chance to speak.”

You need to get more assertive about interrupting her, if you want to continue to be friends - use her name to get her attention, and if she won’t STFU, excuse yourself to make a call or something. It sounds like you’ve been very patient!

Also - just because she treats you like a friend because she tells you a lot of personal stuff, doesn’t mean she is a friend. You’re within your rights to spend your free time as you wish without having to be a sounding board for her.

I agree - vast majority male

YANBU OP.

It was the last straw after putting up with her selfishness for so long.
I have a sister like this, it's excruciating!

Usually a poor me monologue, so feel bad cutting it short.
I've tried interjecting with something positive, but she quickly goes back to woe is me mode.

It is draining and don't blame you OP as it came to a head after probably years of inward resentment.

Is she a spectacularly unsuccessful barmaid? Most people I know who work in pubs have to do more listening than talking, because they are serving the public who generally just want to talk about themselves and will walk away when they've got their order, even if the bar person is talking at the time.

I can't imagine many of the locals are fans.

I've just looked up that bit from Dumb & Dumber and have to disagree - that's not the most annoying noise in the world. Donald Trump's voice is much more annoying.

She clearly isn't your friend if these are the only interactions you have with her.
She sounds annoying but in the situation you describe you could have just said "ok, lovely, catch you later" and walked away rather than make weird noises.