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Original poster

DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

613 replies

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:49

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

OP posts:
Dweetfidilove · 30/04/2025 14:49

howdoyoudooooo · 30/04/2025 14:35

“Surely children can take correction, improve their behaviour and move on.”

Have you met very many children so far? 😂

Show quote history

Yes. I was a child too, funnily enough 😳.

howdoyoudooooo · 30/04/2025 14:35

Dweetfidilove · 30/04/2025 14:19

I don't understand why he'll be so embarrassed now he'll never return.

Surely children can take correction, improve their behaviour and move on.

Next time - Sorry I left a mess @LeahYoga , and off to play. Or say nothing and off to play, but leave no shit next time.

Must he be inconsiderate and fragile? How will he handle conflict in his friendships/relationships?

“Surely children can take correction, improve their behaviour and move on.”

Have you met very many children so far? 😂

howdoyoudooooo · 30/04/2025 14:33

Just out of interest, if you shared an Airbnb with a friend would you check the toilets were clean before leaving and tell your friend which toilet they were permitted to use so that you didn’t have to re-check them after she’d been?

What is it with people overreacting and policing other people’s toilet usage?!

In this specific scenario, I’d have just got my son to clean up. He could then decide whether he’s happy to clean up after his visitors in future, or if he wanted to say something in a matey way to his friend.

Definitely would not have messaged the mum. So on the one hand you say he’s old enough to clean up after himself and on the other hand you somehow think he’s young enough that you have to report his “behaviour” to his mum. What were you thinking? 😂

Dweetfidilove · 30/04/2025 14:19

I don't understand why he'll be so embarrassed now he'll never return.

Surely children can take correction, improve their behaviour and move on.

Next time - Sorry I left a mess @LeahYoga , and off to play. Or say nothing and off to play, but leave no shit next time.

Must he be inconsiderate and fragile? How will he handle conflict in his friendships/relationships?

FunMustard · 30/04/2025 14:12

I feel sorry for the lot of you raising children not to check they haven't left a disgusting toilet for the rest of the family to use tbh.

Dweetfidilove · 30/04/2025 14:09

insomniacalways · 30/04/2025 09:40

Wow. Good on you for saying something. Her life sounds shit - quite literally!

Literally ☹️.

Soontobesingles · 30/04/2025 14:07

Arancia · 30/04/2025 13:36

Plenty of WOMEN on this thread HAVE excused this behaviour! "He probably doesn't know how to clean a toilet", "he's just a poor lad", "it's normal for teenagers", "everyone leaves shit in the toilet, it's normal", etc. I don't know if the parents are more gross, or their shitty arsed offspring.

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Cannot understand this at all. How do you ever host anyone graciously if you can’t take even the minorest of social indiscretions? It’s a kid who forgot to look in the toilet bowl after flushing. Not someone who has painted her walls with excrement. Civility relies on sometimes letting things go for the sake of social ease.

Notchangingnameagain · 30/04/2025 13:45

Fucking hell.

Should he have left a mess - No

Should you have messaged his Mum - No What did you want the Mum to actually do?

If I was the Mum, I would tell my son to never, ever go to your house ever again.

Massively OTT.

Your son is going to suffer if you carry on like this.

Arancia · 30/04/2025 13:36

emmatherhino · 30/04/2025 10:07

No one is excusing it. It's gross. I've got two teenage boys and if they make a mess in the toilet, they're absolutely expected to clean it.

But we are all thinking about the posters own son, who could be now left with no friends ever wanting to visit the house in case his mum messages their mum about the toilet.

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Plenty of WOMEN on this thread HAVE excused this behaviour! "He probably doesn't know how to clean a toilet", "he's just a poor lad", "it's normal for teenagers", "everyone leaves shit in the toilet, it's normal", etc. I don't know if the parents are more gross, or their shitty arsed offspring.

Hwi · 30/04/2025 13:33

Arancia · 30/04/2025 13:25

There's a massive difference between sauce and literal shit.

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Why are you so literal? This is a metaphor! He was a writer!

Arancia · 30/04/2025 13:30

JojoM1981 · 30/04/2025 09:40

Quite. "Laugh it off"? Really? Some women here to to get a little self respect 😞

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It's probably the same kind of woman who thinks farting and burping in front of people is "hilarious" and "natural".

Cherrytree86 · 30/04/2025 13:28

How do you clean a toilet without a toilet brush?! I ain’t putting my hands in the water!!

Arancia · 30/04/2025 13:25

Hwi · 30/04/2025 08:34

A good upbringing means not that you won't spill sauce on the tablecloth, but that you won't notice it when someone else does.
Anton Chekhov

There's a massive difference between sauce and literal shit.

GoodCharl · 30/04/2025 13:19

You messaged his mum?! Fucking hell are you ok??! 😳 💩 🚽

AnonMJ · 30/04/2025 12:51

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/04/2025 11:32

Poor kid. Maybe he doesn’t examine the toilet bowl after use.

Bit of bleach, job done. Personally, find toilet brushes revolting, wouldn’t touch one.

@MrsSkylerWhite how do you clean the loo without a brush?

Mischance · 30/04/2025 12:12

He probably did not even notice it! To contact his mother over something so very minor is beyond credence!

It is not as if he spread shit all round the bathroom - there were just a few skid marks in the bowl.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/04/2025 12:10

Whatwouldnanado · 29/04/2025 22:54

The lad clearly needs housetraining and obviously won’t get that from his mother. I would’ve cleaned it, then next time the boy was round given everyone in earshot a reminder that here we leave the loo clean after we’ve used it. I wouldn’t’ve messaged the mother.

I agree completely, @Whatwouldnanado.

Luv2luv9 · 30/04/2025 12:04

He may have thought the flush would have been enough to clean the bowl & didn't think to look. I would have put it down to that & dealt with it. If it happened again it's the boy himself I'd have spoken to letting him know he must check the toilet is clean before leaving.

SoInLuv · 30/04/2025 12:04

thistimelastweek · 29/04/2025 22:55

You messaged his mum?
I don't think you need worry about not inviting him back. You'll never see him again.
But your poor son might never live it down.

I agree. I would never message any parent about something like this.

Pretz123 · 30/04/2025 11:59

I can't believe you've embarrassed your son by sending a message.....chances are none of his mates will be coming around anymore!

FOJN · 30/04/2025 11:52

BestDIL · 30/04/2025 10:45

As the mother of the boy said, in the time it took you to text her, you could have just cleaned the loo! FFS, get a grip.

Is there a single life skill it quicker to teach a child to than do it yourself? If we accepted your logic for never teaching children there would be forty year olds still in nappies and being fed pureed food.

How long cleaning the loo takes is not the issue.

Needlenardlenoo · 30/04/2025 11:42

Can't believe there are 16 pages on this but speaking as someone who worked in a 6th form college where the boys used to used the disabled loos to do their messy business (and clearly none of them had been taught to clean up after themselves) and those were the only toilets on those floors also available to staff...

Yuk! Boys (or girls come to that) need to know this is not ok.

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/04/2025 11:32

Poor kid. Maybe he doesn’t examine the toilet bowl after use.

Bit of bleach, job done. Personally, find toilet brushes revolting, wouldn’t touch one.

I8toys · 30/04/2025 11:31

I've had many a teenager around the house and they are equally as disgusting. Its not a boy/girl thing. I would just stick some bleach down and move on. Its not woman's work either. Both my husband and my kids do the clean up after parties.

user1492757084 · 30/04/2025 11:29

If the mate is going to be visiting regularly, unless Op wants to clean up a messy toilet again, it is her job to clearly explain the task of cleaning the toilet because the kid's parents have failed to do so.
Or Op can ask that the boy not visit, or ask her son to request that his friend cleans up after himself even though he doesn't know how - which is doomed and Op could have to clean it again. The son could also be asked to clean up after his guest. I prefer the option of teaching young guest a new skill.