DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

Or he's learning standards and that his family home is to be respected.

No one is obliged to put up with a dirty mess just to "be nice." The friend isn't delayed, disabled or otherwise challenged; just dirty and thoughtless.

I didn’t say that I was a mother of boys and nor did I say that I let my kids make a mess. I just felt it was unnecessary to text the Mum.

Plenty of WOMEN on this thread HAVE excused this behaviour! "He probably doesn't know how to clean a toilet", "he's just a poor lad", "it's normal for teenagers", "everyone leaves shit in the toilet, it's normal", etc. I don't know if the parents are more gross, or their shitty arsed offspring.

As said previously there have been multiple threads about colleagues leaving toilets dirty; which have left posters concerned, mortified, horrified, in total shock, crying and shaking... This (quotes above) is why the behaviour progresses into adulthood.

Have you told your DS you messaged his friends Mum? He must be mortified by you!!!!

There’s no way to message someone that in a reasonable and polite way!! YABU

Right.

I'd get kicked off if I posted the real words that come to mind regarding the mother of the youth, laughing and excusing the vile behaviour of her multiple sons. What princes she's raising. Five or 10 years from now the desperadoes who hook up with them will be on here whinging that their men leave the bathroom in a shitty state and won't clean up after themselves because they think it's women's work.

God forbid we should "embarrass" a tween or teenage boy, though. Males can't be expected to be responsible, considerate, clean or proactive in caring for a home. SMH.

No, we live among clean, decent people who have empathy and consideration for others. And in families where children are taught from a young age that it's not anyone else's job to clean up their bodily waste.

What hogwash. It's not uptight to expect people to leave the loo clean.

This sort of reverse snobbism is so obnoxious; accusing anyone who expects rock-bottom behaviour to be "uptight" "unwelcoming" "snooty" and so on. How on earth do some of you live?? Zero standards, zero expectations, let it all hang out and wallow in filth? As long as everyone is "comfortable" and doesn't have any standards to live up to, all is great?

I don't care how easily dealt with "a bit of poo" is, I don't want to be the one dealing with it. Not if the depositor is over the age of five. Are you seriously not teaching your offspring to leave a clean, tidy bathroom for others to use? If not, why?

And why do you think I care about what I seem to be like to a random person on the internet that enjoys shitty toilets?

You seem uptight and socially brittle, they call it anally retentive for a reason. A bit of poo in a loo is easily dealt with! But as you will see the majority agree with me on this.

Not at all, I just keep a clean home and come from a family that appreciates cleanliness and good hygiene - and happen to have considerate friends that are properly toilet trained. But of course people that have shit infested bathrooms think that's the norm for everybody.

Also, I never said I haven't seen skid marks before. I have seen shit smeared all over toilets and walls. But in public toilets that are used by some of the dirty people that have commented on this thread, and their gross children - I have not encountered such disgustingness at home, in my own bathrooms.

If you have never seen a skid mark in a toilet I’d suggest you lead a sheltered life.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to make it clear what is unacceptable in your home.

I'm a mother of boys, too, they don't leave the toilet behind in a mess. You have gross kids, probably because you are 'lax about shit. Congratulations.

Good! They can go shit up someone else's toilet.

No, it's definitely more embarrassing to leave the contents of your bowels on display.

Maybe it's "laughable" to leave shit stains in the toilet of your friends when you're 13, but if this habit is not corrected pronto, it's going to make the kid an embarrassment when he still does it at 30, at the office where his colleagues will have to look at his shit traces.

I literally don't know anybody who's disgusting enough to leave their shit on display in the toilet. Because it's NOT A NORMAL THING TO DO! I come from a huge Mediterranean family with lots of boys, men and teenagers. We have all learnt to leave the bathroom clean after ourselves. My friends are also not the kind of people that leave shit behind, either. I have never had to clean anyone's shit up unless they were my own babies and small toddlers.

You're assuming people read.

No, it's PARENTS' job to teach their kids basic good toilet habits. Could be a mother's job, could be a father's. Either way, one of the parents have to do it.

It takes a village to shape character.

Boys get away with this bullshit and grow up into men who think it's someone else's job to deal with their shit, literally and figuratively.

Leaving a bathroom clean and tidy for the next person is rock-bottom basic awareness and empathy. People who fail to teach this to their offspring are lazy slobs.

Exactly. And why should the poor OPs son be made to clean up his friend's shit? 😮

OP isn't marrying or living with the boy though.

The number of posters on here who think it’s normal to clean up other people’s shit in their own homes is baffling. If it was an adult guest you wouldn’t say anything because you’d never have them stay around again or they were close enough you could ask them to clean up. If this is a mate who’ll be coming around often then of course he needs to be told to clean up.

I wouldn’t bother messaging a parent or expecting my own DC to clean up their friend’s shit - but telling the teenager directly. They’re not little Gods who need to be tip toed around lest they mock you - WGAF what they think. Not like they respect adults anyway, probably even less those adults more interested in pleasing them than telling them off. As for teasing your own DC, they’ll be doing that over something or the other anyway - and they probably already crack jokes about everyone’s parents, no harm done if they want to their repertoire.

The mum’s response was pathetic, imagine justifying an existence cleaning up after 4 men and not even getting paid for it. Anyway, that’s her choice in life, OP doesn’t have to be yours. Quiet word in the lad’s ear about cleaning up after himself as it’s a family loo. If he doesn’t want to visit as a result, good riddance - you’ll be hated as an authority figure no matter what you do, at least this way you can maintain some principles at home.

This. The number here willing to overlook it and excuse the "poor lad" is very telling.

No wonder so many women are willing to settle for dirty, entitled, inconsiderate men. And then go on to raise more of them.

The boy is in secondary school, not nursery. Well old enough to be aware of his own mess and clean up out of consideration for others.

People need to drastically raise their standards.