DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

Are you in denial about what toilets are actually for?

That really isn’t the case.

No, it's not. I never had my friends soil my parents' bathroom...what's wrong with you people?!

Also, where was the boy's respect for the OP, and his friendship with her son, when he left his smelly excrements in her toilet?

Some of these threads 🤣

It’s not reverse snobbery to have basic hosting manners. Obviously I clean my own toilet. I also don’t humiliate my guests for making what is, as another poster ventured, a minor social faux pa. As many others have pointed out this is a child who may well have had a tummy issue. It is not an adult deliberately smearing fecal matter on the walls.

I really don't think that'd be the reaction of most people. I think most people would be embarrassed and horrified that their children don't display better and more respectful behaviour when visiting other people's houses.

You sound odd with very little to worry about. Don't you have respect for your sons friendships? It is all part of the course.

Nonsense.

Cleanliness and decent standards of consideration aren't a mark of privilege. They cost nothing.

I don't really understand why getting a toilet brush and scrubbing the shite around the bowl then putting the brush back would help?! There'd just be shite sitting festering next to your toilet potentially for days?!

But then again I don't have a toilet brush.
I'd have told DS friend he needs gloves, bleach and a cloth that will be thrown away!

But yeah, it's embarrassing for all concerned. If you shame him then I very much doubt he'll do it again. But toilet brushes in other people's houses when you've done a poonami are not helpful as far as I can work out.

Indeed.

Oh and the obvious solution was to make your DS clean up after his mate.

That way your DS will not enjoy that and is likely to tell his mate to clean his own mess up next time, probably in an embarrassing way in front of peers that actually results in a change in behaviour next time.

Great post.

Omg i would not have messaged his mum. Pointless. If he's left it like that its because he has been raised in a home where he's been allowed to get away with leaving it like that, 20 to 1 the mum is not going to say anything anyway.

You can deal with it tactfully. You didn't need to text his mother. Next time he's over, just say "there's a toilet brush there if you need it" or something.

Would you have done it if it had been a girlfriend? I'm guessing no.

WOW. Seeing as you're asking for opinions - what you have done is way more rude. I agree with another poster, let it go and if it happened again then maybe mention it to him that he could clean up after himself. It sounds like his mum tried to respond in a jokey way before getting annoyed. You also should consider any backlash for your son before messaging another kids mum about something so minor. It's not nice I agree, but he IS still a kid and you went way overboard with this OP.

That was a ridiculous response . You should have addressed it with him the next time he came around. Cant believe you texted his mother. Feel sorry for your ds and embarrassed for you
for making such a tit of yourself

If most people got an irate text about skidmarks in their loo from an adult acquaintance, their chief response would be pity and embarrassment for the sender.

She clearly has no shame, though, because she didn't give a shit about what the OP had to say about her son. In fact, the mother actually threw an insult back at her and basically told her it's HER issue.

So grateful you aren’t my mum. Ridiculous

Precious privileged lady, never heard anything like it

She's not a "poor mother" if she is raising inconsiderate, dirty oafs. The boy is not five, he's in secondary school. And the mother laughed and trivialized the issue instead of apologizing and promising to speak to her son.

Not nice people.

i would of thought yuk, cleaned it, used extra bleach and moved on with my life. I would definately not have asked my son or text his mum! My son would be so embarrassed by this, omg

She didn’t say it to him though?!! She shamed his poor mother!!!!

I personally would have asked my child to tell the friend to clean up the toilet after using if it is crappy or else not use it. Between friends they can tell/teach each other 'good behavioural things' in a casual/funny way and no one would get offended. But messaging the mom saying 'if he'd have to come to our house again' sounds very rude and unnecessary. Kind of drawing a straw in your child's friendship almost.

Excellent post! The reverse snobbism thing is such a good point! And it extends to other areas of life, too. The kind of people who think it's normal to not clean up after yourself probably also think it's "old-fashioned", and "can't be fussed", to be on time for things, bring something for the host when they get invited to someone's house, etc. And those of us who do care about doing what's always been done are accused of being uptight, sheltered and "not fun".