DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

My DS is in yr 7 and quite often when his mates have been over, the toilet is grim after! But having said that, they close the lid and flush and leave a cloud of lynx Africa behind so at least the smell is (better??) gone. if I’m honest I’m quite glad they feel comfortable enough to 💩 in my house- said as someone who is not very comfortable poohing anywhere but in her own loo! I wouldn’t ever message DS friends mums about this, my DS would never forgive me for embarrassing him like that!

Wow I can’t believe you actually msged that lads mum 😂….honestly I’d just have laughed, cleaned it and moved on. You sound very stuck up to me, he’s a bloody kid, there’s bigger things to worry about.

Do you mean he just left a few marks in the toilet? I thought from the title he'd smeared shit up the walls. No way would I contact my child's friends mum because of a few marks in the toilet, how completely humiliating for all involved. I'm really glad you're not my mum!

Silicone toilet brushes, which is what we gave in our bathrooms, also don't harbour as much bacteria, because silicone is a non-porous material. And yes, you "rinse" the brush with the clean flushing water before you put the brush back in its holder. I'm a germaphobe, so I also pour bleach over the brushes.

A 12-year-old boy is certainly capable of cleaning a toilet and toilet seat with bleach. Come on!

Exactly. She is exactly the type of coarse woman raising the louts who take their mothers, wives and girlfriends for granted, and who go about soiling everything and expecting others to clean up after them.

Getting rid of skid marks is literally what a loo brush is for.

You pour some loo cleaner into the bowl and use the brush to scrub.

Then you flush, while holding the brush in the water.

You put it back in its holder. Many people leave some diluted loo cleaner in the holder to sanitize the brush even further.

What are you saving your loo brush for?

No it's not.

Respect is earned.

Guests do not befoul a bathroom and leave it for a woman to clean up. This boy is clearly used to treating women badly and getting away with it. His fool of a mother made a rod for her own back and expects other women to laugh along with her while dealing with literal shite.

I can't believe so many - presumably women - here think you're being unreasonable.
And some of the responses here - "you're fun" : wtf?

The attitude of the lad's mother is an extremely good example of why young women these days (those who value themselves anyway) are not willing to tie themselves to barely housetrained and completely unashamed of it young men. There are cats who are cleaner.

I'd send the mother a curt "sorry you feel that way" response, and if this rude kid ever darkens your door again, I'd tell him immediately that while cleaning up after himself isnt required of him in his own house, it certainly is in your home, and he needs to leave the loo as clean as he found it. Don't hold back. He will treat you as if you have the low standards of his mother otherwise.

To be honest if the skid marks were in the loo, yes he should have flushed again, but no harm done, just flush again. If they were on the toilet seat, then the toilet seat would have needed a proper clean with bleach which no a child shouldn't be doing. If a child that age can't make the loo properly then he's almost certainly got a bowel condition - well done for embarrassing him and his mum - poor kid.

You asked if I'm in denial about what toilets are for. And I told you what I think they're for. Do you disagree with my understanding of what toilets are meant for? If so, which part? The part where I said they're for releasing yourself - or the part where I said that they're not meant to display shit and urine in? You know, like some disgusting museum of shart...

I am saddened to read that some people think what happened is OK, be it the child with no consideration, or the child's mother responding.

I don't think the OP overreacted.

Any one else reminded of the thread about a teenager and unwrapped san pro in the bin? Ringing the mother to complain and telling her to lecture her disgusting daughter. I felt so sorry for her as well.

Of course this is true

Entirely different situation. Visitors don’t routinely cook for themselves in someone else’s kitchen. If they do, the means of cleaning said kitchen are freely available. However, given a significant number of Mners horror of the toilet brush, and the fact that they appear to favour a one-use cloth, gloves and bleach, are you suggesting that this teenage boy should have had the savour-faire to approach his friends mother and say ‘Mrs X, I’ve left skid marks in your loo. Can you provide me with whatever cleaning materials you deem appropriate?’

Because when adult Mners can’t tell someone that, no, they can’t host a family of nine they met once for a fortnight, or that no, they won’t be doing a twenty mile round trip to drop off little X after gymnastics, and seem routinely unable to excrete anywhere other thsn home, that seems a tall order.

Jeez!!!

one of my sons friends was round and used our toilet, and we found after he’d gone home, that he’d left a “present” which we couldn’t flush whatever we did.

we dealt with it, and it was a standing joke for a while after … ‘I hope you haven’t done a (enter boys name) in the toilet ????’

I wouldn’t have dreamt of contacting the parents and shaming him… can you imagine the backlash for my own son…‘Don’t go round to his house, you’re not allowed to use the toilet !!’

overreacting much !!

Wow 🤣🤣

If I received a message from my son's friend's mother asking me to ask him to clean the loo of skidmarks I'd genuinely think they were a bit fragile and I'd have a bit of concern for the mother. My husband said he'd think she was a right weirdo and laugh his head off. So there's 2 sides.

The correct way to do this is in a frank but lighthearted manner. When you next see him "Colin, while I think on; if you need a poo - we use the brush afterwards in this house. No one needs to see your produce, thank you!" That's embarrassing enough. Never mind tattle tailing!

Shit in the toilet is a million times better than shit on a toilet brush IMO. Unless you have disposable toilet brush wand heads or some nearby toilet cleaner, I'd rather they leave the skid marks alone than messing up my brush.

I know that. But I don't think he meant for his words to apply to shit-stained toilets...

I mean, do what you want in your own home, I guess. But don't practice your low standards in other people's home. It doesn't take more than two brain cells to understand that most people probably are disgusted by shit. Especially other people's shit.

No? Toilets are for releasing yourself, they're not there to put your internal garbage on exhibition for the next users. Just like I know that kitchens are for cooking food, but I still need to do the dishes and clean off spills, grease etc. I don't just leave kitchen mess to fester.

What?
Ok so some men don’t care as much? Its not intrinsically part of being a woman to have a clean loo is it.
Cleaning standards aren’t biological.

I would think someone leaving my loo in a state is a bit grotty. Male or female. Same as leaving muddy footprints or dropping food on the floor. It’s nothing more than different standards.

Agree. Laughing shows poor values and character. Decent people would apologize and remind their son about rock-bottom manners in others' homes.

Judging by his mother's response to OP addressing her son's shit, I really don't think this is a matter of a boy having IBS or whatever. It's clearly learned behaviour that he doesn't need to clean up after himself, because mummy and others boys' mummies will do it for him.

As a genuine question for those horrified by this - if you were in a public toilet and left behind marks in the bowl, what would you do? As a general rule there are no toilet brushes or bleach available.