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DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

613 replies

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:49

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

OP posts:
HeatherMac007 · 30/04/2025 21:20

I would absolutely be telling my son to sort this out with his friend directly or tell him he'd be responsible for any future cleans ups on his behalf.

You expect this lad to have the manners of a grown up yet when he didn't meet your expectations you messaged his mum, hardly what you'd do if he were in fact a grown man (I hope!).

Thegodfatherreturns · 30/04/2025 21:18

TheHerboriste · 30/04/2025 20:17

No, for her son not cleaning up his shit. There's a difference, you know.

Hilarious that you think the mother is responsible for the fact that her teenage (or nearly teenage) son did not clean a toilet.

Bestfadeplans · 30/04/2025 21:08

This has to be a joke surely? You're more concerned with a toilet i presume you clean daily anyway than you are about embarrassing your son and his friend?? Yeah its not nice what happened but I highly doubt he left it intentionally. What you've done is worse.

Whatwouldnanado · 30/04/2025 21:07

Make a sign “If you’ve done a poo check the loo!”

ForeverTipsy · 30/04/2025 21:05

TBH one of my ds's is usually in a world of his own. I am training them to LOOK in the toilet bowl and to use the brush + flush again before washing hands and leaving the bathroom, but if he was at a mate's house and in a rush he may forget now and then.

Can't believe you text the boy's mum about him taking a dump in your toilet tho ! Shit happens, get over it 🤣

LondonNootropics · 30/04/2025 20:55

Omg this is hilarious 🤣 my toilet is always full of skid marks from various children, teens and adults. Do I like it? NO! Would I message one of the mums? NO WAY!!! I clean it up and let them parent their own child.

Frenzi · 30/04/2025 20:55

I dont think you need worry about it happening again.

I think your son will be so embarrassed he is unlikely to bring friends around for an awful long time!

Orangeoranges42 · 30/04/2025 20:49

You’ve embarrassed everyone here.

It was a one off and you don’t know how he’s been brought up I can’t imagine anyone who knows to clean the toilet after would suddenly not do it just to spite you.

I can’t believe you’ve done this. Poor KIDS!

Sweetheart1990 · 30/04/2025 20:49

This is awful, he's just a kid...it's not like he took a shit in your living room 🤣
It's what the toilet is for...fair enough it's not nice to have to clean it but no big deal really is it?
Your poor son might have lost a friend and the other lad is probably mortified.
Bad move on your part

Alwaysinamood · 30/04/2025 20:48

He probably put the lid down then flushed and hadn’t even realised! Not everyone examines the toilet after they’ve been. Very petty messaging his mum!

cherish123 · 30/04/2025 20:26

Hers was a rude reply but I actually can't believe you sent the message.

Hwi · 30/04/2025 20:24

Arancia · 30/04/2025 19:00

I know that. But I don't think he meant for his words to apply to shit-stained toilets...

I am afraid he did. He meant it to apply to much worse - Chekhov suffered from active TB and more than once he left blood-stained pillow cases at the houses of his friends where he stayed. I know, I know, it is surprising, that being a doctor he had no qualms about carrying this disease to his friends' homes, but nevertheless.

TheHerboriste · 30/04/2025 20:17

Pickledpoppetpickle · 30/04/2025 19:51

Am I reading this correctly? You want your son’s friend’s mum to apologise for her son shitting in your toilet?

No, for her son not cleaning up his shit. There's a difference, you know.

Woodywoodpecker321 · 30/04/2025 20:16

I think it's unreasonable to message his mum. As he's a teenager just tell him next time he has to clean up after himself.

Sortofdontwantto · 30/04/2025 20:16

And we wonder why some kids don’t have any friends. His mum, his own worst enemy

applebee33 · 30/04/2025 20:01

Wtaf 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 op you are not well. My ds would never live it down if I did that to him. You’ve some brass balls on you

stichguru · 30/04/2025 19:58

TheHerboriste · 30/04/2025 19:23

A 12-year-old boy is certainly capable of cleaning a toilet and toilet seat with bleach. Come on!

If he's been told to do it yes, if he's always been told not touch the bleach - no.

scoobysnaxx · 30/04/2025 19:55

@LeahYoga message her back and say “I think they all need more home training then 😂😂😂”

cocoromo · 30/04/2025 19:54

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:58

Why should he be able to treat my house with no respect at all and expect me to clean up after him? I’d be mortified if my DS behaved in such a manner. The message I sent was perfectly polite and I ensured it was worded in a reasonable tone.

why do a poll asking if your unreasonable if your satisfied with how you handled it. Just move on with your day.
FYI - you were unreasonable.

Pickledpoppetpickle · 30/04/2025 19:51

Am I reading this correctly? You want your son’s friend’s mum to apologise for her son shitting in your toilet?

Illegally18 · 30/04/2025 19:47

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:49

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

Well done, OP, for having the balls to ring up the mum and complain. I salute you!

LAMPS1 · 30/04/2025 19:39

In effect, it was a telling off for the poor lad’s mum for not teaching her son how to clean up after himself. She didn’t take offence, but she didn’t grovel an apology either, -which then caused you offence. She laughed it off with humour instead.
So it all became a bit silly and pointless by then.

I think if you invite somebody to your house, especially a youngster, you have to be prepared for things to go wrong. Children aren’t all brought up the same. Some have impeccable manners, others not so much. If no damage is caused, I think you should have been prepared to put it down to experince, decide to not invite him again if you were that offended, and let it go without causing a fuss. It’s not as if he actually broke the toilet is it OP.

AlinaRawlings · 30/04/2025 19:37

dontlookgottalook · 29/04/2025 23:15

But it isn’t polite to message someone about this, and it doesn’t at all sound like it sufficed.

Agreed. I think it was rude to msg the mum over it and embarrassing for everyone involved, just not appropriate. Wondering if op might be ND?

brunettemic · 30/04/2025 19:36

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:58

Why should he be able to treat my house with no respect at all and expect me to clean up after him? I’d be mortified if my DS behaved in such a manner. The message I sent was perfectly polite and I ensured it was worded in a reasonable tone.

What’s the point in your post? You asked for views, nobody agrees and now you don’t like it. Honestly the whole thing is pathetic. Messaging someones mum about some skid marks 🙄

midlifeattheoasis · 30/04/2025 19:36

I don't think that he'd want to come round again now that you've messaged his mum.

Your dilemma is solved.

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