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Original poster

DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

613 replies

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:49

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

OP posts:
Kulwinder54 · 30/04/2025 22:21

Your son won't be inviting anyone over ever again. Poor boy.

DraigCymraeg · 30/04/2025 22:19

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:49

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

Let him visit again - then have a quiet word with him about the state of the loo.
If he makes a mess again, rub his nose in it.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/04/2025 22:16

I would go similarly passagg back at her

"Clear why he doesnt know how to use a bog brush! Hope you enjoy still cleaning up his skid marks when he is 60 😅😅"

Blueberrymuffin80 · 30/04/2025 22:12

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:49

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

One word - Idiot

mathanxiety · 30/04/2025 22:11

Bloozie · 30/04/2025 22:08

As a kid, your son would be so embarrassed if you said that to his friend.

The OP is not unreasonable in thinking it's gross, but is being unreasonable making such a huge deal out of it. Messaging his mum is bonkers. Banning him is also bonkers. Mentioning it to him is bonkers.

Show quote history

If the son is embarrassed then maybe he can quietly clean up after his friend himself?

Or do you expect the little woman to clean the shitty loo just to spare the precious feelings of two boys who probably think farting contests are hilarious, and might even send each other photos of their best poos...

lizzyBennet08 · 30/04/2025 22:11

Honestly mountain of molehill. I think you come across as totally nuts. Who on earth messages a mom to tell her her son left skid marks in her loo. Honestly you’ve made yourself sound totally nuts and don’t think you need to worry about him coming over again.

Bloozie · 30/04/2025 22:08

TwinklySquid · 30/04/2025 21:54

Next time the friend is around, I’d say something to him like “Do you need a demonstration on how to use a toilet brush.” As a mum I’d be so embrassed if my kid did that. I don’t think it’s setting a good example for him to think women will just clear up after them.

My six year old knows how to use a toilet brush. But she’s a girl so maybe she was born knowing how to do it 🙃

As a kid, your son would be so embarrassed if you said that to his friend.

The OP is not unreasonable in thinking it's gross, but is being unreasonable making such a huge deal out of it. Messaging his mum is bonkers. Banning him is also bonkers. Mentioning it to him is bonkers.

MrBiscuits24 · 30/04/2025 22:07

No way would I have the audacity to message another mum about their teen sons toilet behaviour- it’s very odd.

Worldgonecrazy · 30/04/2025 22:03

Eew! I cannot believe his parents have raised him to be so disrespectful. You absolutely did the right thing. Shame on his family for teaching him that it is acceptable to leave a toilet like that.

BendySpoon · 30/04/2025 21:58

I can’t believe so many people have put ‘YANBU’!! How is this boy ever going to learn if his mother, and now strangers, are cleaning up his shit from the toilet? When my DS lived at home, I would make him come and clean his skiddies if he left them as I didn’t see why I should do it and felt it was disrespectful of him to expect me to.

TwinklySquid · 30/04/2025 21:54

Next time the friend is around, I’d say something to him like “Do you need a demonstration on how to use a toilet brush.” As a mum I’d be so embrassed if my kid did that. I don’t think it’s setting a good example for him to think women will just clear up after them.

My six year old knows how to use a toilet brush. But she’s a girl so maybe she was born knowing how to do it 🙃

Buffs · 30/04/2025 21:46

YABU. What did your son think of you texting his friend’s mum about the state of the loo?

TheHerboriste · 30/04/2025 21:46

Lookuptotheskies · 30/04/2025 21:35

To me this is a parenting fail that a teen old enough to go round their friend's houses doesn't know that leaving a shit stained toilet is a social faux par, doesn't even have a hint of embarrassment leaving it like that, and likely has never been taught to clean up his own literal shit going by his mum's sexist replies.

I'd have contacted the mum too. She needs to realise she's letting her kid down letting him go out into the world like this.

Exactly.

The fact that she laughed and thinks it's normal for boys/men to be such pigs is very telling, though. Some women just have incredibly low standards, and that's how we end up with so many sub-par men.

Tolkienista · 30/04/2025 21:45

Gross situation in the toilet ✓
Did you over react with the text message to his mother ✓

TheHerboriste · 30/04/2025 21:45

JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:04

I actually cannot believe you messaged someone’s mum about a dirty toilet.

Not everything needs something doing about it or raising attention. It’s quite possible to let things go.

This just makes you look quite embarrassing and I wouldn’t be sending my child round again. Not very nice for your DS really!

If your child left shit all over someone's toilet, they probably wouldn't want him around again, or being friends with the DS. So preventing him from visiting isn't quite the threat people seem to think it is.

JustSawJohnny · 30/04/2025 21:44

Huge over reaction, I think.

If he'd literally smeared shit all over the place then sure, call home, but a few skids down the pan?!

Really embarrassing.

PrincessFairyWren · 30/04/2025 21:42

The way I read it that the skid marks and poo were beyond the bowl. She did say "the toilet was completely covered in crap". So I guess it depends on how badly whole scene was.

If it was just skids in the bowl it is a pretty outrageous response. I'm more embarrassed for her than the kid.

Lookuptotheskies · 30/04/2025 21:35

To me this is a parenting fail that a teen old enough to go round their friend's houses doesn't know that leaving a shit stained toilet is a social faux par, doesn't even have a hint of embarrassment leaving it like that, and likely has never been taught to clean up his own literal shit going by his mum's sexist replies.

I'd have contacted the mum too. She needs to realise she's letting her kid down letting him go out into the world like this.

idkbroidk · 30/04/2025 21:35

mathanxiety · 30/04/2025 19:13

I can't believe so many - presumably women - here think you're being unreasonable.
And some of the responses here - "you're fun" : wtf?

The attitude of the lad's mother is an extremely good example of why young women these days (those who value themselves anyway) are not willing to tie themselves to barely housetrained and completely unashamed of it young men. There are cats who are cleaner.

I'd send the mother a curt "sorry you feel that way" response, and if this rude kid ever darkens your door again, I'd tell him immediately that while cleaning up after himself isnt required of him in his own house, it certainly is in your home, and he needs to leave the loo as clean as he found it. Don't hold back. He will treat you as if you have the low standards of his mother otherwise.

completely agree with you wholeheartedly!!!!

2025willbemytime · 30/04/2025 21:31

You should google as this post had 100% been written before.

Velmy · 30/04/2025 21:29

Your poor lad 😭

Thegodfatherreturns · 30/04/2025 21:26

mathanxiety · 30/04/2025 19:13

I can't believe so many - presumably women - here think you're being unreasonable.
And some of the responses here - "you're fun" : wtf?

The attitude of the lad's mother is an extremely good example of why young women these days (those who value themselves anyway) are not willing to tie themselves to barely housetrained and completely unashamed of it young men. There are cats who are cleaner.

I'd send the mother a curt "sorry you feel that way" response, and if this rude kid ever darkens your door again, I'd tell him immediately that while cleaning up after himself isnt required of him in his own house, it certainly is in your home, and he needs to leave the loo as clean as he found it. Don't hold back. He will treat you as if you have the low standards of his mother otherwise.

People are saying wtf about the fact that anyone would contact a secondary school age mother about the toilet. What is to be gained from that apart from embarrassing the mother and maybe the child and probably OPs son too? I doubt that he or probably anyone will want to visit again which might be a win for OP but probably not her son.

Weezee0409 · 30/04/2025 21:26

I think you've gone abit over board really. If he had shat on your floor or smeared shit all over the walls then I would go nuts and be messaging his mum. However he's shit in the toilet as a normal human being should and left shit on the sides! Wow that's not unusual really is it!? I'm sure you have some bleach lol I dont think my daughter would think twice about cleaning up her skid marks in the toilet in my house let alone a friends house. Kids /teenagers don't think like that until they're adults.

Lorrainedrops · 30/04/2025 21:24

Its not very nice to find a dirty toilet but in this instance I would've let it go. Boys wount think to check the toilet bowl after. If it happened again (though I can't envisage a return visit) then I would politely inform them to clean up after themselves with items provided. Thank your lucky stars that you didnt come eye to eye with a floater 😂

YourPurpleGal · 30/04/2025 21:21

It's your home! Anyone who is a guest in your home should leave it at least as clean and tidy as when they arrived. My blood would have boiled too! I don't think you are being unreasonable in the slightest!

I wouldn't pursue it any further with the boy's mother. I'm sure I would kindly make it clear to your son that particular schoolmate is not invited to your home again! If you meet either of them, give them a smile and a pleasantry, then move on.

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