DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

This 👏🏼

Skid marks in the toilet are horrible to look at but at least the shit is in the toilet. Can you imagine if he’d attempted to use the brush? Knowing how stupid/lazy teenage boys can be he’d probably have dripped the shitty water everywhere and left all the shit over the brush. I’d be glad he didn’t attempt to clean it!

Agree with all.

Shaming is a useful tool and exists for a reason.

“Bowel issues “ don’t preclude cleaning up after oneself. Come on.

Boys are gross because their gross parents tolerate and encourage it.

boys are gross in general. There was no need to belittle a child by messaging his mum. If my friends mum would have done that to me as a child I would end that friendship.

Spot on

Indeed!
And how can you be sure it was the friend?
OP, you have made the situation worse

This! I’m sorry OP but you really shouldn’t have messaged the mum!

Somehow, I get the feeling that you wouldn’t have done this if it was, say, a girl who left a big drop of period blood in the bathroom. This wasn’t just about a teenager leaving a mess, in your mind - this was about you showing A Male what you won’t tolerate As A Woman. So you decided it was okay to humiliate the hell out of him, because he’s not just a dumb teenager, he’s A Male.

There were much more sensitive ways to deal with this. Probably the easiest would be telling your son, “The next time Friend comes round, could you mention to him that he ought to clean the inside of the toilet if there’s a mess after he’s flushed it?” Still embarrassing for the friend, because you can’t avoid all embarrassment in this situation, but that way it’s less humiliating than what you did.

okay i'll stop swearing and just smear fecal matter everywhere, is that better for you?

I can almost guarantee if you have only cleaned toilet three times then you have left unpleasant marks on a loo, unwittingly. And yes, some people have bowel issues - that’s why it’s polite to be forgiving in this area. Now obviously it would have been proportionate for OP to say to her own son or the friend, ‘hey please use loo brush next time’, but to text his MUM? Completely mental.

I went to my 30 year olds house for the first time in years after he cut me off. This was his toilet!

the amount of people on this thread complaining about the friend and his mum being ashamed - they DESERVE to be shamed! yucky people

I think you should have told the boy - not involve his mum

@idkbroidkok potty mouth over there

some of you people are fucking disgusting. it is not normal OR okay at all to leave shit in someone's toilet, that's fucking appalling. people who said they wouldn't have told his mum: you need house training. because that is fucking rank.

why is it normalised for men to be fucking incompetant on purpose, even at a young age??? her comment about having 3 boys is also ridiculous. so they all leave shit marks in the toilet?

i have maybe once or twice had to clean my shit off a toilet with a toilet brush (when i've been unwell) and the fact that this happens regularly enough for some people is genuinely very worrying.

There's a dad in the house who could have cleaned the loo. No one is suggesting that cleaning loos is women's work. And the fact that teenage boys appreciate toilet humour doesn't mean that it's not very weird for your mum (or dad) to call out the mess you made in the toilet. It's not about preserving their precious feeling, it's about proportion. Not cleaning the loo could just have been a simple oversight. Imagine a world in which you were publicly called out on every mistake you made.

If the kid left the loo like that more than... I dunno... three times, I'd have a word with my son that it's a bit grim and see if we could come up with a solution together. Otherwise, I'd just suck it up. Not because I'm a 'little woman'. My teen son cooks for the whole family twice a week, he strips his own bed and cleans his own room, he irons his own clothes. I've taught him to look after himself. But I'm not a dick to his mates, and it's not my job to teach them 'respect' at this micro-level.

What if, instead, the next time the friend comes around, you take him aside and quietly say that you were unpleasantly surprised, and in the future you would expect him to clean up after himself, as your own family members would. That would likely result either in his cleaning up in the future, or being so embarrassed that he won't come back - without your having had to tell you son t ban him.

I can't believe what I'm reading.😲 I would never embarrass an adult like this never mind a teenager. In what bizarre world is this normal behaviour ? Your poor son and friend must be mortified. I wouldn't mention it at all, it just doesn't bother me but I was a care assistant so it poo actually in the toilet is a big deal 😁

It’s a total lack of respect. If his mother doesn’t want to teach him how to be a decent guest, then someone else should.

This is why we have men who do this- because no one bothers to call them out on it.

But most of the "disgusted" posts are about women cleaning up after mens shit.
My point is why is cleaning the toilet a womens job? Because surely it's just disrespectful to leave a toilet pan dirty and fuck all to do with the sex if the person cleaning it?

Oh Lord, I was beginning to wonder if I was doing life wrong, as I have a clean loo and a clean brush 🤦🏾‍♀️.

Thank you.

I agree that this lad never coming around again would be a huge win.

I disagree that embarrassing this kid and his silly mother would be a bad thing. In fact, I sincerely believe they should be embarrassed.

And the son is better off without the example of friends like that.
Also, he will realise that his mother has a backbone and has expectations of behaviour that he should not disregard. Perhaps some time in the future when he has a serious partner, he'll remember how his mother stood up for her home, and behave in a way in his own home, with his own partner, that will make her proud.

Actually, that's a win all around in my books. I do not see the downside of insisting that nobody treats you with any sort of disrespect in your own home.

I'm the mother of four DDs though, and I care greatly about the sort of BS boys and men are allowed to get away with by their spineless, incompetent parents. I didn't send mynDDs through school and off to university just for them to end up wiping the shit of an able bodied, entitled, badly brought-up little a-hole who is old enough to know better off the toilet of a house that they paid for.

I would have sighed

muttered “fucks sake”

and cleaned it.

I would NOT have messaged the mother of a teenage boy to tell on him for not using a toilet brush.