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Original poster

DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

613 replies

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:49

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

OP posts:
MumWifeOther · 29/04/2025 23:19

I would be grossed out but I also wouldn’t dream of embarrassing my son or his friend like that!! Have a word with yourself

Scratchingaroundinthesameoldhole · 29/04/2025 23:19

I'm absolutely cringing on your behalf. The kid will never forget you humiliating him, and your ds will hate you for it. I expect everyone is laughing at you.

shuggles · 29/04/2025 23:19

@LeahYoga DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere.

This will surprise you OP, but some people use toilets for defecation.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I don't use toilet brushes. Toilet brushes are the most disgusting thing ever created and are extremely unhygienic.

Think about this logically- you are inserting something into a toilet to get it covered in shit, and then you are removing it from the toilet. In the process of doing so, it is easy for the tiny bristles to get caught on something and flick droplets of water and shit over the bathroom and yourself.

To improve the hygiene of your household, my recommendation is to get rid of your toilet brush.

JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:18

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 23:11

Me mentioning it to him myself would be the more embarrassing option, so I don’t think that’s appropriate and a polite message to the Mum sufficed.

But why say anything? Did you not think this might have an effect on your son?

How old are they?

Rklap · 29/04/2025 23:18

Eenameenadeeka · 29/04/2025 23:16

It's definitely gross and I'd be very unimpressed but I think it was very strange to message the mum about it

Agree with this

Messaging was OTT

JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:18

Enrichetta · 29/04/2025 23:09

He deserved to be embarrassed.

though I probably wouldn’t have messaged his mum. Probably…

Show quote history

I don’t think mistakes mean preteens/teens deserve to be embarrassed.

How would you feel about a dad telling his DD’s teenager female friend that she needs to clean up after herself when she uses the toilet?

324GG · 29/04/2025 23:17

Scratchingaroundinthesameoldhole · 29/04/2025 22:51

I think i would have just dealt with it, rolled eyes and laughed. I definitely would not have messaged his mum. How embarrassing

Why the hell would you have laughed??

What is funny about a teenage boy leaving shit over the loo that someone else has to clean up?

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 29/04/2025 23:17

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 23:11

Me mentioning it to him myself would be the more embarrassing option, so I don’t think that’s appropriate and a polite message to the Mum sufficed.

If you still don’t realise that messaging the mum comes across a little unhinged, then I don’t know what else to say 🤷‍♀️

Saying it to the boy is fine - you’re not saying “CLEAN UP YOUR SHIT” but making a subtle point that he is not to leave your bathroom a mess. You could say it in a jokey way that gets the point across. Or just get your DS to keep an eye on his friends and be responsible for cleaning mess up.

BerniesAuntie · 29/04/2025 23:17

Well you’ll give your son’s mates a very good laugh if nothing else.

Outofthepan · 29/04/2025 23:17

Moveoverdarlin · 29/04/2025 23:16

I don’t believe this for a minute. No one would message a child’s Mum over this. Surely not?!

A normal mother would think dirty little bastard, squirt some bleach and flush, if still there, whizz the toilet brush round, flush again. Taking no more the 20 seconds. And then never speak of it again.

Yeah it’s gross but why would you embarrass your son, his friend, the friends mother and yourself by messaging?

It reminds me of the viral video from years ago where the Mum bursts in to her daughter’s room demanding to know ‘which one of yuz has done a shit?’ Awful.

yes to this

suki1964 · 29/04/2025 23:17

Sometimes I read a thread on here and think Im definitely from a different planet

You contacted his mother to give off about the mess he left????

Seriously???

Away to lie down in a darkened room and hope the madness has passed, by time I decide to emerge

Eenameenadeeka · 29/04/2025 23:16

It's definitely gross and I'd be very unimpressed but I think it was very strange to message the mum about it

Moveoverdarlin · 29/04/2025 23:16

I don’t believe this for a minute. No one would message a child’s Mum over this. Surely not?!

A normal mother would think dirty little bastard, squirt some bleach and flush, if still there, whizz the toilet brush round, flush again. Taking no more the 20 seconds. And then never speak of it again.

Yeah it’s gross but why would you embarrass your son, his friend, the friends mother and yourself by messaging?

It reminds me of the viral video from years ago where the Mum bursts in to her daughter’s room demanding to know ‘which one of yuz has done a shit?’ Awful.

BlondiePortz · 29/04/2025 23:16

Op what do you want us to say? yes gross but no I would not have messaged the parent like a lot of other people have said

do you want permission to say you were right?

MamaorBruh · 29/04/2025 23:16

Also, my child (teen) would wipe his bum, lid down and flush. Wash hands and leave. Im pretty sure he wouldn't think to check it was all clean.
Hes also be absolutely mortified if I messaged one of his mates parents for that reason. He'd most certainly be laughed at by his pals for it too so well done, you've just managed to make your son a joke amongst his peers.

HeidioftheAlps · 29/04/2025 23:16

JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:05

Also when you say secondary school age what do you mean? Big difference between an 11yo and an 18yo

OP said young teenager

dontlookgottalook · 29/04/2025 23:15

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 23:11

Me mentioning it to him myself would be the more embarrassing option, so I don’t think that’s appropriate and a polite message to the Mum sufficed.

But it isn’t polite to message someone about this, and it doesn’t at all sound like it sufficed.

Cakencookieobsessed · 29/04/2025 23:15

Gross and embarrassing on your behalf.

DustlandFairytaleBeginning · 29/04/2025 23:14

I can't believe you sent that message! And in his friends defence sometimes its easy to not realise you've left marks in the toilet if you've closed the lid to flush and not opened it up again to check.

Edenmum2 · 29/04/2025 23:13

You did not message his mum. Please tell me you did not do this.

Agapornis · 29/04/2025 23:13

Reply back "You didn't teach your sons to clean up after themselves? 🤣🤣 sucker"

MamaorBruh · 29/04/2025 23:12

You actually messaged a child's mother to chastise her son about making a mess in your toilet.....you're bonkers!

rainbowsparkle28 · 29/04/2025 23:12

Scratchingaroundinthesameoldhole · 29/04/2025 22:51

I think i would have just dealt with it, rolled eyes and laughed. I definitely would not have messaged his mum. How embarrassing

This. Yeah I might have been a bit miffed / grossed out and yes ideally they should clean up after themselves, but honestly, there are bigger issues going on in the world / life to be giving so much energy to this 🤷‍♀️ Maybe just me. For the odd occasion the friend might visit and in this one instance of it happening, let it go.

PoorUncleBarry · 29/04/2025 23:12

You did the right thing and, as per a previous poster, that mother is unwittingly setting up another person to be her sons live in skivvy down the line. If my son behaves poorly in any way I would want to know because it means I fucked up as a parent.

Original poster
LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 23:11

Me mentioning it to him myself would be the more embarrassing option, so I don’t think that’s appropriate and a polite message to the Mum sufficed.

OP posts: