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Original poster

DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

613 replies

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:49

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

OP posts:
JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:28

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/04/2025 23:25

I would've messaged his mum too. She may think it's a woman's job to clean shit up after boys/men old enough to do it themselves but it isn't something I'd be tolerating so I wouldn't be silently cleaning it up.

Would you have expected him to return and clean it himself?

JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:27

pinkingshears · 29/04/2025 23:22

This reminds me of my then best friends Mum, who brought up, over dinner with her Dad & brothers there, that I 'seemed to have left some blood in their wc'. I was 12 & utterly mortified. She went on & on, & I left the table in tears. Your son (& friend) will be upset too.

Show quote history

Yes exactly and some people here think you’d have deserved the humiliation (or maybe they just hate teenage boys). Honestly some people are such miserable nasty fuckers.

WhenDaisiesPied · 29/04/2025 23:27

The lad's mother needs to grow a spine. Letting all the men in her house walk all over her like that. She is raising little turds!

AthWat · 29/04/2025 23:27

ChompinCrocodiles · 29/04/2025 23:01

If he'd fished it out and smeared it over your walls, you'd have been absolutely right to raise it.

But skid marks inside the toilet? I mean yes, it would have been polite for him to have cleaned it but your actions were awful.

If it had been a friend or colleague of your dh's instead of a friend of your ds, would you have messaged them after they left to berate them?

I presume she means inside. She doesn't actually say....

midlandsmummy123 · 29/04/2025 23:26

Toilet brushes are really unhygienic, I didn't realise people still use them.

Robinredd · 29/04/2025 23:26

shuggles · 29/04/2025 23:19

@LeahYoga DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere.

This will surprise you OP, but some people use toilets for defecation.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I don't use toilet brushes. Toilet brushes are the most disgusting thing ever created and are extremely unhygienic.

Think about this logically- you are inserting something into a toilet to get it covered in shit, and then you are removing it from the toilet. In the process of doing so, it is easy for the tiny bristles to get caught on something and flick droplets of water and shit over the bathroom and yourself.

To improve the hygiene of your household, my recommendation is to get rid of your toilet brush.

Edited

I agree with this. Toilet brushes are absolutely minging!

I remember my ex had one and there was a little pool of water underneath it that had come off the brush, revolting. I'd rather have the skiddy toilet (I don't by the way).

Busybeemumm · 29/04/2025 23:26

Do you want your son to have friends over or any friends at all? Would you have messaged if it was your friend or relative or any other adult?

JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:26

Enrichetta · 29/04/2025 23:20

They are secondary age - old enough to know better and clean up after themselves! Doesn’t matter which sex. I’d be mortified if a child of mine left a host’s toilet in a filthy state.

Show quote history

Yes they’re old enough but they’re also forgetful and their brains are often made of fluff. There’d be no malice and it’s hardly the end of the world. No reason at all to be a dick to a child.

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/04/2025 23:25

I would've messaged his mum too. She may think it's a woman's job to clean shit up after boys/men old enough to do it themselves but it isn't something I'd be tolerating so I wouldn't be silently cleaning it up.

Skirtless · 29/04/2025 23:25

MamaorBruh · 29/04/2025 23:12

You actually messaged a child's mother to chastise her son about making a mess in your toilet.....you're bonkers!

This. I had to go back and doublecheck the ages

Hamandpineapplepizza · 29/04/2025 23:25

MamaLenny · 29/04/2025 23:00

I think it's poor etiquette not to clean up after yourself, but also poor etiquette to shame someone for leaving skidmarks in the toilet. So a bit of a catch 22 really.

Yes this.

Not good he left it like that, but really poor form to make a bit deal of it.

BaldingMum · 29/04/2025 23:24

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 23:11

Me mentioning it to him myself would be the more embarrassing option, so I don’t think that’s appropriate and a polite message to the Mum sufficed.

Your message didn’t suffice… at all.

How awkward for your DS now with his friend.

JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:23

shuggles · 29/04/2025 23:19

@LeahYoga DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere.

This will surprise you OP, but some people use toilets for defecation.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I don't use toilet brushes. Toilet brushes are the most disgusting thing ever created and are extremely unhygienic.

Think about this logically- you are inserting something into a toilet to get it covered in shit, and then you are removing it from the toilet. In the process of doing so, it is easy for the tiny bristles to get caught on something and flick droplets of water and shit over the bathroom and yourself.

To improve the hygiene of your household, my recommendation is to get rid of your toilet brush.

Edited

Agree toilet brushes are rank. I’ve never met a stain that a squirt of bleach can’t obliterate

SkibidiSigma · 29/04/2025 23:23

suki1964 · 29/04/2025 23:17

Sometimes I read a thread on here and think Im definitely from a different planet

You contacted his mother to give off about the mess he left????

Seriously???

Away to lie down in a darkened room and hope the madness has passed, by time I decide to emerge

Trust me, you're not the one on a different planet...

rosemarble · 29/04/2025 23:22

shuggles · 29/04/2025 23:19

@LeahYoga DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere.

This will surprise you OP, but some people use toilets for defecation.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I don't use toilet brushes. Toilet brushes are the most disgusting thing ever created and are extremely unhygienic.

Think about this logically- you are inserting something into a toilet to get it covered in shit, and then you are removing it from the toilet. In the process of doing so, it is easy for the tiny bristles to get caught on something and flick droplets of water and shit over the bathroom and yourself.

To improve the hygiene of your household, my recommendation is to get rid of your toilet brush.

Edited

Not if you're using bleach or other toilet cleaner.
I have one of those rubbery ones. When it gets used I leave it in the loo with toilet cleaner after flushing. No poo flung anywhere.

EilishMcCandlish · 29/04/2025 23:22

It's ok. I don't think you need to worry about your son inviting him back. You fixed that by messaging his mum.
I doubt your son will invite any friends over after that.

JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:22

324GG · 29/04/2025 23:17

Why the hell would you have laughed??

What is funny about a teenage boy leaving shit over the loo that someone else has to clean up?

Show quote history

Not everyone is anal about poo in a toilet. Pun intended.

I always forget how poo anxiety is a real thing on MN.

324GG · 29/04/2025 23:22

shuggles · 29/04/2025 23:19

@LeahYoga DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere.

This will surprise you OP, but some people use toilets for defecation.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I don't use toilet brushes. Toilet brushes are the most disgusting thing ever created and are extremely unhygienic.

Think about this logically- you are inserting something into a toilet to get it covered in shit, and then you are removing it from the toilet. In the process of doing so, it is easy for the tiny bristles to get caught on something and flick droplets of water and shit over the bathroom and yourself.

To improve the hygiene of your household, my recommendation is to get rid of your toilet brush.

Edited

This will surprise you OP, but some people use toilets for defecation.

And it will surprise you that most teens can clean up their own shitty skid marks, and if not, deserved to be called out on their disgusting, lazy behaviour

pinkingshears · 29/04/2025 23:22

ChompinCrocodiles · 29/04/2025 23:01

If he'd fished it out and smeared it over your walls, you'd have been absolutely right to raise it.

But skid marks inside the toilet? I mean yes, it would have been polite for him to have cleaned it but your actions were awful.

If it had been a friend or colleague of your dh's instead of a friend of your ds, would you have messaged them after they left to berate them?

This reminds me of my then best friends Mum, who brought up, over dinner with her Dad & brothers there, that I 'seemed to have left some blood in their wc'. I was 12 & utterly mortified. She went on & on, & I left the table in tears. Your son (& friend) will be upset too.

Ultravox · 29/04/2025 23:21

Of course that is gross. The way to deal with it would have been getting you son to clean it up and telling his friends not to leave a loo in that state again. So weird that you messaged the boy’s mum!

Robinredd · 29/04/2025 23:21

Haha.

They really walk among us!

If I'd have been the mum I'd have just messaged back with a load of laughing faces.

You've embarrassed yourself and your son, you sound absolutely cuckoo!

Enrichetta · 29/04/2025 23:20

JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:18

I don’t think mistakes mean preteens/teens deserve to be embarrassed.

How would you feel about a dad telling his DD’s teenager female friend that she needs to clean up after herself when she uses the toilet?

Show quote history

They are secondary age - old enough to know better and clean up after themselves! Doesn’t matter which sex. I’d be mortified if a child of mine left a host’s toilet in a filthy state.

JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:20

MamaorBruh · 29/04/2025 23:16

Also, my child (teen) would wipe his bum, lid down and flush. Wash hands and leave. Im pretty sure he wouldn't think to check it was all clean.
Hes also be absolutely mortified if I messaged one of his mates parents for that reason. He'd most certainly be laughed at by his pals for it too so well done, you've just managed to make your son a joke amongst his peers.

My DD is 11 and their brains are basically cheese half the time, she does the same and I have to remind her that a flush exists! I wouldn’t dream of embarrassing her by saying something like this to her mates.

rosemarble · 29/04/2025 23:20

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:58

Why should he be able to treat my house with no respect at all and expect me to clean up after him? I’d be mortified if my DS behaved in such a manner. The message I sent was perfectly polite and I ensured it was worded in a reasonable tone.

When one of my son's mates left the loo in a similar state I used it as an opportunity to remind my son to make sure he treats other people's home with respect and leave it as clean as I expect him to leave our loo.

I can teach my own children manners and respect, but I'm not going to phone his friend's parents about their own kids - not about a skiddy toilet.

That said, if I did receive such a text I wouldn't have replied as that Mum did, I would have been very embarrassed and gone straight to my son and had a go at him.

Rklap · 29/04/2025 23:20

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 23:11

Me mentioning it to him myself would be the more embarrassing option, so I don’t think that’s appropriate and a polite message to the Mum sufficed.

But the least embarrassing option would have been to quickly clean the shit up and forget about it.