DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

@bittertwisted

“ I didn’t phone my sons girlfriends mum when she lovingly left a used tampon beside his bed.“

OMG! 🤢 How vile

Wish I'd come back to this thread sooner tbh.

I am embarrassed for so many of you, excusing your son's leaving shitty toilets because the poor lamb might be embarrassed.

It's a properly crap (pun intended) part of current life that some parents feel they can't do anything that might make their little cherubs feel uncomfortable in the slightest. This kid might only be 12 or so now, but if he continues with no one ever telling him to not leave a shitty toilet he'll still be doing it at 16, at 20, and one day, you'll be the one using the toilet after him in Costa or something. Then you'll be bemoaning the lack of manners in leaving a toilet so nasty.

But because OP isn't a wet lettuce and actually addressed it with his mum (and no, that isn't shaming the mum, it was shaming the kid until the mum decided to admit she doesn't bother teaching her sons important things like this) she's apparently the bad guy?!

And all the "you've embarrassed your son" - no, if people bring it up all he needs to do is say you know what, friend can't wipe his own arse so I'm not sure how that's embarrassing to me!

My god. Like I said - embarrassed for a lot of you.

Am I reading this correctly? You want your son’s friend’s mum to apologise for her son shitting in your toilet?

Wish I'd come back to this thread sooner tbh.

I am embarrassed for so many of you, excusing your son's leaving shitty toilets because the poor lamb might be embarrassed.

It's a properly crap (pun intended) part of current life that some parents feel they can't do anything that might make their little cherubs feel uncomfortable in the slightest. This kid might only be 12 or so now, but if he continues with no one ever telling him to not leave a shitty toilet he'll still be doing it at 16, at 20, and one day, you'll be the one using the toilet after him in Costa or something. Then you'll be bemoaning the lack of manners in leaving a toilet so nasty.

But because OP isn't a wet lettuce and actually addressed it with his mum (and no, that isn't shaming the mum, it was shaming the kid until the mum decided to admit she doesn't bother teaching her sons important things like this) she's apparently the bad guy?!

And all the "you've embarrassed your son" - no, if people bring it up all he needs to do is say you know what, friend can't wipe his own arse so I'm not sure how that's embarrassing to me!

My god. Like I said - embarrassed for a lot of you.

Why not? Does he have any housework responsibilities?

She wasn’t rude in the slightest. It takes a village, remember? Normal mothers would want to know if their son was so gross in someone else’s home, so they could work on his training.

My son's 13 and has never ever cleaned the toilet 🤣 oops

Yes, he’s a teenager. At least 5 years beyond the point of being excused for such an inconsiderate mess.

Those of you constantly making excuses for boys and young men are creating the broader problem of shitty immature men-children.

You can’t punish him for not doing something he’s never had the responsibility of doing and messaging the mum is an over reaction. He’s a teenager. Just clean the toilet and move on from it

Assuming he didn't deliberately spread shit around the toilet, I would reprimand my child but I would also think any parent who phoned me up about something so trivial (she would just needed to poor bleach down the bowl to disinfect) was absolutely batshit. I would apologise but also suggest they give the house a wide berth in the future and I suspect others would too if they heard about it. The child was rude but so was OP and she is an adult.

Exactly
they were playing, maybe he was missing out on a bit of a game or something and rushed

kids can be self absorbed, doesn’t mean he’s a skank

i would have gone with the jokey comment next time. Saying that, it just wouldn’t have bothered me in the first place, so maybe I’m the skank!

funnily enough I didn’t phone my sons girlfriends mum when she lovingly left a used tampon beside his bed. I told him to sort it, and to say it wasn’t very nice to her. To have shamed her is not the person I am, and I’m glad

Precious privileged lady, never heard anything like it

I think it is a bit sad that you dont expect a 12 year old to be respectful of being a guest or of shared spaces. I find it a bit sad that you wouldnt reprimand your child for treating someones home so badly.

If you want to be a doormat that releases a non-house trained human into the world, well thats up to you. The rest of us do our job as parents and teach them how to be self sufficient, capable and respectful.

Why should he be able to treat my house with no respect at all and expect me to clean up after him? I’d be mortified if my DS behaved in such a manner. The message I sent was perfectly polite and I ensured it was worded in a reasonable tone.

I'd let him come round again, but as he walked in, I'd tell him to leave your toilet clean or else it'll be his last visit.

Fcuk being polite. Someone has to tell him sometime that isn't OK or he'll be one of those men that thinks the whole world is their wife.

I cannot believe you messaged the woman.
If it was that important to you, you could have said next time he’s round ‘oi, boys, make sure you keep the toilet clean this time!’
But to message her is super weird.

the amount of people on this thread complaining about the friend and his mum being ashamed - they DESERVE to be shamed! yucky people

It's a bit sad that you think having friends that clean toilet bowls at the age of 12 or 13 is more important than anything else.

She didn't need to phone the mother to prevent the child from visiting again. If she doesn't want visitors she can just say so. No embarrassing phone calls shaming another woman are required.

Do you seriously think that OP's son will look back on this and think his mother has behaved wonderfully? More likely he will think she's an embarrassment and not want to invite people around if she is there. I doubt it will just be this one friend that doesn't want to visit either. Many of his friends will probably think OP's a bit batshit and not want to visit.

I agree that this lad never coming around again would be a huge win.

I disagree that embarrassing this kid and his silly mother would be a bad thing. In fact, I sincerely believe they should be embarrassed.

And the son is better off without the example of friends like that.
Also, he will realise that his mother has a backbone and has expectations of behaviour that he should not disregard. Perhaps some time in the future when he has a serious partner, he'll remember how his mother stood up for her home, and behave in a way in his own home, with his own partner, that will make her proud.

Actually, that's a win all around in my books. I do not see the downside of insisting that nobody treats you with any sort of disrespect in your own home.

I'm the mother of four DDs though, and I care greatly about the sort of BS boys and men are allowed to get away with by their spineless, incompetent parents. I didn't send mynDDs through school and off to university just for them to end up wiping the shit of an able bodied, entitled, badly brought-up little a-hole who is old enough to know better off the toilet of a house that they paid for.