DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

^ @LeahYoga : you are SO SO right to have complained to his mum. Why should you pick up some man/boys 💩.

If his mother wants to do that, let her - but she should have taught him some manners.

If the boy is embarrassed: let him be

I have noticed friends of mine sending their kids back to check the loo is clean when visiting me/other friends, and it makes me think they are respectful people!

Yes - middle schools are the exception rather than the norm, you'd start secondary aged 11 in year 7, and carry on to age 18 in the upper sixth if the school has a sixth form (alternatively do the sixth form years at a college)

Yes, he should have cleaned up after himself but you were totally wrong to message his mum. How embarrassing for the lad and his mum.

My DD (20) has a male friend who was guilty of this a couple of times. I put a stop to it by shouting so that both my DC and DD’s friend all heard “can whoever has shat all over the toilet clean it up please”. I mean I knew full well who it was but yelling at closed doors was an effective resolution. Hasn’t happened again, I mean it probably has but at least he cleans it up now. I wouldn’t have messaged his mum 😂.

I’m a HUGE certified ocd medicated germaphobe and I wound never in a million years behave like that.

This was not malicious, and I would never humiliate someone over poo. I doubt any one here would confront an adult friend over this. Why embarrass a kid?

OP I’m 100% behind you. Why is everyone laughing this off as a boys will be boys thing?
Absolutely don’t allow him back in your home. And hell yes he should know why. Whether it’s via his mum or your son - it doesn’t matter who tells him.

11-yr-olds and 18-yr-olds are in secondary school in the UK?

I’m mortified you think like this.

Put some bleach down it and remember you’re talking about a CHILD.

I’m cringing like mad for you. How embarrassing.

I imagine because she's friends with her and not his dad? OP can't text her dad if she doesn't have his number.

Both parents are at fault. Dad because it sounds like mum cleans up after him too but also mum because she is enabling them.

I'd be mortified if you were my mother! I'm sure you and your son will be the talk of the school and not for the right reasons.

I'm cringing hard on your behalf 🥴🥴🥴

The horrors! You're doing the ultimate sin of texting the teenager's mum - and I can see why teens find parents so embarrassing! Do you remember being an embarrassed teen, OP? 😆😳😖

Ah well. Never mind, aye. The boy won't be back now, so no need to fret any more 😉

Agree again.

i know my upbringing wasn’t the norm when it came to house work, my DF and his brothers were raised to pull their weight, my Nan would give them a clip round the ear of more if they ever suggested their wives and daughters were responsible for housework.

I don’t think any such message could possibly be considered polite OP, no matter how you phrased it.

Yes he should have cleaned up after himself but you were wrong to message his mother. If one of your own friends had left the loo like this, would you have messaged them (or their parents)?

I think YABVU OP bad I would never have messaged the mum of the boy - I’m far to precious and embarrassed about these matters

id jusf pretend it never happened

I can't believe you messaged his mum. Can't you really see how embarrassing and awkward it is?
You should have asked your son to speak to his friend.

They absolutely would. This is MN, where teen girls can do no wrong and teen boys are bizarrely hated!

I think the opposite, that she'd be judged much more harshly than a teen boy. I don't think anyone would be saying 'teen girls just don't think about things like that'.

haha yes, but there was no toilet roll and instead of using the toilet paper my DF had put there to use ( we were poor used newspaper a lot) until he got home from work with toilet roll he found my mums pads.

This. Common decency. How is that hard for PPs to understand. This isn’t a toddler who made a mess. If the mother gets defensive that’s on her for not teaching her son basis bathroom etiquette. Which is obviously an important life lesson. If she can’t manage to parent the.. let’s not be daft.. the basics and expects you to deal with the shit, that’s a her problem. I wouldn’t have the kid around again.

I’m dying inside a little bit for you 😱.

Also, toilet brushes are repugnant inventions. Chuck some bleach on and the shit just vanishes. No faeces covered bristles pollinating your bathroom with tiny shite droplets and no little turd festering pool of water stagnating in the bog brush holder.

@LeahYoga good for you.

Yes I do wonder what rock people live under when I hear how clean women's public toilets are compared to mens and any I go into are gross

I presume the OPs husband cleans the toilet if people are going down the feminist route

Yeah I'm the kind of person who'd just tell him to clean up after himself if he wants to hang around my house.

Boo hoo if it embarrasses him, kid needs to learn as his mother clearly hasn't told him to clean up after himself.

So many mumsnet threads where people jump on women who don't want to clean up someone else's loo mess. It's bloody weird.

This might be one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. OP seriously get a very big grip.

Not only was this mega embarrassing but you actually texted another mum about this?

I despair.

Your poor ds 😳 how embarrassing this is going to be if his friend’s mum tells her son. What a nightmare you’ve been here