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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

613 replies

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:49

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

OP posts:
Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 30/04/2025 06:35

I agree it was a bit odd to message the mum, but l can appreciate it was probably a knee jerk reaction from anger - l would have been livid. And at the same time you now know why the child acted as he did. Because mum facilitates it and sees it as the norm that the males in her home treat her like a toilet attendant. Her pathetically low bar is making rods for the backs of their future wives.

l don’t think it would be wise to ban the boy from the house, but l would certainly make it clear to your own DS that he should explain to his friend that in your home you clean up your own mess, because if it happens again he will be the one cleaning it up !!

AmusedGoose · 30/04/2025 06:33

Lots of adults don't clean the loo let alone a young teenager. Another mumsnetter with princess syndrome. Mortifying for your poor son that you brought it up and messaged the mum.

unevenwalls · 30/04/2025 06:32

This is a total overreaction. I agree that it was unpleasant for you but texting the mum is way over the top. Your poor DS must be mortified

Thegreyhound · 30/04/2025 06:32

StrawberryWater · 30/04/2025 00:12

Yeah I'm the kind of person who'd just tell him to clean up after himself if he wants to hang around my house.

Boo hoo if it embarrasses him, kid needs to learn as his mother clearly hasn't told him to clean up after himself.

So many mumsnet threads where people jump on women who don't want to clean up someone else's loo mess. It's bloody weird.

His mother should have told him? Not his dad?

Quicksilver15 · 30/04/2025 06:30

Wow, this is unbelievable somebody would even raise such an issue, it’s a toilet and this is hardly a big deal.

I could understand this reaction if it was on the seat or the walls.

People should really chill out there’s worse things in life, it’s not like he was doing drugs in your toilet, it’s highly unlikely being bad at cleaning a toilet is going to hold him or anyone else back in life. Some people are genuinely pretty scatty by nature too.

Thegreyhound · 30/04/2025 06:27

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:58

Why should he be able to treat my house with no respect at all and expect me to clean up after him? I’d be mortified if my DS behaved in such a manner. The message I sent was perfectly polite and I ensured it was worded in a reasonable tone.

The poor kid did a poo! It’s not like he did it on the stairs!

JojoM1981 · 30/04/2025 06:26

SheilaFentiman · 29/04/2025 22:55

Mate. I would have told your DS to clean it then let him take it up with his friend. You went to his mum?!

Personally? Yes it might have been wrong to message the mum. You'd do this if maybe the child was nursery/primary age. Then again,if his toilet habits are that of a primary age then something obviously needs to be done.

His mum is obviously very embarrassed and has gone on the defensive 🙄

Superhansrantowindsor · 30/04/2025 06:16

I’d have got ds to clean it. But honestly - contacting his mum? I thought from your thread title you meant he had done permanent damage.

Octoberdreaming · 30/04/2025 06:13

Littletreefrog · 29/04/2025 22:53

Not ideal but I can't believe you messaged his Mum about it.

I know right, super awkward.

Horserider5678 · 30/04/2025 06:12

Wrexhamite · 30/04/2025 03:33

No I think you’re right here. That’s disgusting. I was raised to never do a number 2 anywhere that’s not my home.
granted, overnight stays are different if you’re going to be there all the next day too, but, only if you’re really desperate. I’ve done entire weekends without going.
At home I wasn’t expected to clean it, as I did anyway, probably because I had been raised to help clean the house too, and that included the bathroom.
sometimes I joke “I’m lazy, I don’t want to clean at the end of a day, so I clean as I go” in work. But it’s true, who wants to spend time trying to scrub off stains when you can do it when it happens and make it easier when doing a proper clean.
ps. To those who say it’s a male thing. No, it’s not. I’m a male, I was raised right is all.

Edited

How pathetic you are! So you go on holiday for 2 weeks and never have a poo? It’s unhealthy to stool hold and can lead to all sorts of bowel problems and not just constipation!

Motnight · 30/04/2025 06:11

AutumnLeaves91 · 29/04/2025 22:52

Can tell you’re fun.

Yep Op should be laughing as she cleans a young man's shit up.

whitewineandsun · 30/04/2025 06:10

thistimelastweek · 29/04/2025 22:55

You messaged his mum?
I don't think you need worry about not inviting him back. You'll never see him again.
But your poor son might never live it down.

This. What were you thinking? Your poor kid.

Horserider5678 · 30/04/2025 06:07

SecondVerseSameAsThe1st · 30/04/2025 05:27

This 💯. The kid has eyes, he chose to leave a mess. I wouldn’t have messaged his mum but I’d be speaking to him directly and not mince words. I doubt you’ll see him again though.

Show quote history

I doubt whether her son will be on his friend’s list after this!

Peacepleaselouise · 30/04/2025 06:05

I think it’s crass to message someone with this. I just wouldn’t, whatever their age.

Horserider5678 · 30/04/2025 06:05

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:58

Why should he be able to treat my house with no respect at all and expect me to clean up after him? I’d be mortified if my DS behaved in such a manner. The message I sent was perfectly polite and I ensured it was worded in a reasonable tone.

With absolutely no thought for the fallout for your son! How do you know your son wouldn’t do the same thing or do you not let him visit friends? The way you started the thread it sounded like he’d smeared poo all around the bathroom! Get a grip and don’t message other parents over something that is actually quite trivial! Expect your son to come home saying he’s the laughing stock of his mates!

babyproblems · 30/04/2025 06:02

Id be worried about repercussions for your son tbh if you’ve messaged his mum! I do see your point but equally I think it’s an overreaction on your part.. it might also have been your son & he’s lied!

Londonlassy · 30/04/2025 05:57

My 11 year old regularly forgets to flush the toilet she has ADHD. When she is distracted or overwhelmed she just forgets. She would be deeply mortified if a parent complained about this when at a friend’s house. I would never humiliate a child like you did OP. Complete overreaction and nasty.

Blueblell · 30/04/2025 05:50

I don’t blame you for being annoyed but it is a bit ridiculous to message his mum.

Firenzeflower · 30/04/2025 05:48

You didn't really message surely?! Utterly mortifying. Poor kid.

MaggieBsBoat · 30/04/2025 05:46

I would’ve replied then that she wouldn’t have so much work to do if she taught them to clean up after themselves and you hope that they learn before they inflict this on another woman!

JojoM1981 · 30/04/2025 05:41

AutumnLeaves91 · 29/04/2025 22:52

Can tell you’re fun.

Because she won't put up with cleaning other people's mess? Riiight...🙄🙄🙄🤣

olympicsrock · 30/04/2025 05:34

My boys have been asked to clean bad skid marks but don’t always remember.
You job with a visiting child is just to sort it . His own mum’s job is to house train him and I’m sure she will be aware if this is something that is a frequent problem .

Poor boy and poor DS - no way his friend will want to return now!way to lose friends !

rainbow231 · 30/04/2025 05:33

Im with everyone else, utterly cringeworthy that you texted his mum! Your poor DS! Sounds like you don’t want to hear it though, so not sure why you bothered posting?

SecondVerseSameAsThe1st · 30/04/2025 05:27

TheAmusedQuail · 29/04/2025 23:00

I'd let him come round again, but as he walked in, I'd tell him to leave your toilet clean or else it'll be his last visit.

Fcuk being polite. Someone has to tell him sometime that isn't OK or he'll be one of those men that thinks the whole world is their wife.

This 💯. The kid has eyes, he chose to leave a mess. I wouldn’t have messaged his mum but I’d be speaking to him directly and not mince words. I doubt you’ll see him again though.

Littlemisscapable · 30/04/2025 05:14

AiryFairyLights · 30/04/2025 05:05

See you in a few weeks when you’re posting that your son is having trouble at secondary school with his peers as a result of this!
you need to learn to pick your battles @LeahYoga - this was one you should’ve not acted on. 👍

This..why on earth would you think this is ok? You have embarrassed everyone. You can't choose who your son is friends with....not in secondary. Yes it's a bit grim but there are many reasons why this has happened...unless he is round everyday doing this there were better ways to handle this..go easy with teens this is a tricky time.