DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

this is horrible! perhaps the child had a poorly tummy. i agree its not ideal but to message the mother?! shame on you. i hope that you can guarantee your dc can be impeccably behaved at all times in other people’s homes

If I'd recieved such a message after my dyspraxic, fibrous sons had been visiting, I'd be appologetic and make some kind of comment about toilet traning taking a long time.

This is the flip-side of wanting a village to support us with raising children, it comes with critique, and that critique can be used to reinforce the messaging and training that we give out at home.

Me too!!

The amount of posters saying they'd "clean it and forget about it" is appalling - now we know where the husbands who can't even clean a toilet come from.

Err, no. If a guest makes a mess, then usually someone in the household will clean it up and not say anything.

Op’s job is asking her son to clean his own mess - and the mess of his guest, if she wants. What she did was message another parent - NB, mother - and effectively tell her that she wasn’t parenting well enough. And it doesn’t sound like she’s massively close to that mother eithe.

How to make friends and influence people.

Oh wow. I'd have just told DS to clean up after his mate. That would have sorted it because then you didn't have to clean and he would have given his mate an earful. By far and away the best option

What a shit thing to do.

Sorry.

💩

The posts about men expecting women to clean up their shit are because this is clearly the message that this boy’s mum is sending to her son, so he thought nothing of making a mess in OP’s loo and expecting her to clean it up without question, the way his mum does.

The mum’s reply makes it clear that her own husband and sons thinking nothing of treating her like a toilet attendant and her bar is so low that she doesn’t recognise the level of disrespect this shows for her. So her husband and sons are never going to clean the loo because they’ve conditioned her to believe it’s her job.

After I've used the toilet I put the lid down, flush it and walk away, and I suspect most people are the same. If it's messy in there I'll notice it the next time I use it.

When I have guests I expect that they, too, would be unlikely to inspect the toilet after they've flushed it. And if they left it a bit dirty, I certainly wouldn't dream of messaging their mother about it. 😂

Very strange messaging the mum. I'd have just dealt with it. Voted yabu too

I think you're getting a hard time, OP. I don't think I'd have messaged the mum, but I completely agree that it's unacceptable for a teenager to leave his shit for others to clean up. The amount of posters saying they'd "clean it and forget about it" is appalling - now we know where the husbands who can't even clean a toilet come from.

We can absolutely expect better from teenagers. They are fully capable of cleaning, they just need to be in the habit of it. Start early, young primary, and be consistent, and you'll have a teenager who leaves the toilet clean.

Not sending the child round again? What a loss to OP! She looked so much forward to clean another stained toilet.

OP this is mortifying for you and your poor son. The sane thing to do would be clean the loo and move on with your life. Honestly I’m not surprised his mum flamed you she must think you are a nut case.

Yes

Your poor son, he is going to be mortified today!

Your poor son.

If this is real.... OP you have prioritised your need for some sort of sterile life over your child's (and your own) social life/relationships.
Obviously none of us like clearing up this kind of stuff but unless this was some sort of dirty protest you've massively overreacted by texting the mother and you'll have embarrassed them and your child as well as yourself. You could have simply used the experience to teach your own child but you've gone for some sort of weird retribution. I genuinely don't know what you were trying to achieve! But you have definitely risked your sons social life to make a bizarre point.

He shat in a toilet love. If he'd coated the floor by all means but obviously this is something that's fixable (get a spray that limits cling ons) or just mention to your son to tell his mates if they use the bathroom they need to check its clean

Why all the posts about men expecting women to clean up their shit?
Sorry but it's just as much a husbands job to clean the loos as a wife.

The friend didn't clean the loo because it didn't occur to him. I never cleaned under the loo seat as a teen but it never occurred to me.
The lesson comes when it's "your loo" and you are responsible for it.

I can't believe anyone is that petty they message someone over how a loo was left. No wonder the mum left laughing emoji's.

No, wait! That is even better you're right!

To all those saying it's terribly embarrassing - surely the embarrassing thing is not cleaning up after yourself? If not, it bloody should be.

I hope this is a wind up but I’ll say well done to you. We have enough stories on here about men babies to know where this starts. It starts with boys being taught that they need to clean up after themselves. I would have told the kid directly to get back in that bathroom and clean the toilet after himself and told his mum. Absolutely disgraceful. Good for you.

You are brilliant OP - I don't know that I would have the nerve, but I love that you did. This is how we make the world a better place where people clean up after themselves!

This,
the best way and reinforces that cleaning up toilets after messy guests is not women’s work…good life lessons

It won’t hold him back in life because the dreadful message his mother has sent him by cleaning up his mess is that there will always be a woman to do it for him. And that message will be passed on to any future partner - who, l would hope, would hand him a pair of marigolds and a loo brush and teach him what his mother should have. I fail to understand why MN has such a low bar for women being treated like toilet attendants in their own home. The lack of respect is shocking.

I think some DCs deliberately leave a mess or do something irritating to the Mum due to jealousy of their home.
I had this from a much older teen friend of DD and also another DD’s friend would ‘accidently’ trample plants in my garden

irt was a sort of revenge but I’m not a psychiatrist so who knows?

This has got to be a wind up