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Original poster

DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

613 replies

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:49

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

OP posts:
bittertwisted · 30/04/2025 08:06

the level of mortified I feel for both boys and the other mum
would have told my son to clean it, then make a lighthearted’oi grubs, make sure you scrub the bog if you go’ next time a mate is round

toilet brushes are revolting. That stand they go in …… give me a skidmark any day

BeanQuisine · 30/04/2025 08:05

Arancia · 30/04/2025 07:59

Ah, so it's people like you that leave your shit marinating in public toilets.

No. No, not everyone has left their shit behind in toilets. That's literally not a normal thing to do. Some of us have been taught to check that we leave toilets as clean as we found them, because it's not nice for the next person who needs to use the toilet to find it soiled. Stop normalising this shit.

Show quote history

Um no, it's people like nearly everyone. Toilets are for pooing in, sometimes not all the poo gets washed away. It's a mundane, everyday thing, not something to weep or shriek about, or take to the streets with torches and pitchforks, or message other people's hapless mothers about.

SallyWD · 30/04/2025 08:05

Even with pretty severe skid marks, you can squirt some bleach around, leave for 30 minutes and it's gone. No need to get your hands dirty. I think you messaging the mum was very humiliating for her son and, most importantly, your son.

Feelingmuchbetter · 30/04/2025 08:04

If you felt strongly op, you could have just mentioned it the next time he was visiting. Please leave the loo how you find it - there is a toilet brush provided. If he asks why you are mentioning it, you could say the last time he was here he forgot to clean up after himself. Then you have educated him on your expectations when he is in your house, using your facilities.

Reporting him to his mother is mortifying. Truly mortifying for both boys.

JojoM1981 · 30/04/2025 08:00

FortyNineAndABit · 30/04/2025 07:26

Would you have shamed an adult guest in that way? Very rude. Just clean it up.

I would have. That's disgusting.

Arancia · 30/04/2025 07:59

BeanQuisine · 30/04/2025 07:50

Leaving a few poo marks in someone's toilet when visiting them is a very minor faux pas, something we've probably all done at some stage, without even realising it.

Messaging a guest's mother to complain about them leaving poo marks in your toilet is a very major faux pas, infinitely ruder than leaving poo in a toilet bowl.

The fact that some posters can't see this is a little disturbing...

Ah, so it's people like you that leave your shit marinating in public toilets.

No. No, not everyone has left their shit behind in toilets. That's literally not a normal thing to do. Some of us have been taught to check that we leave toilets as clean as we found them, because it's not nice for the next person who needs to use the toilet to find it soiled. Stop normalising this shit.

SallyWD · 30/04/2025 07:59

Scratchingaroundinthesameoldhole · 29/04/2025 22:51

I think i would have just dealt with it, rolled eyes and laughed. I definitely would not have messaged his mum. How embarrassing

Same. No way I'd have messaged the mum.

emmatherhino · 30/04/2025 07:57

I have two young teenage boys. We regularly have a house filled with teenage boys.

I would have rolled my eyes and just cleaned it. No, I shouldn't have to and yes, he should be able to clean up after himself.

But absolutely not a chance in hell would I risk potentially alienating my sons from all of their friends because of something that would take me two mins to sort.

Arancia · 30/04/2025 07:56

SheilaFentiman · 30/04/2025 07:52

Is he still in nappies? No. Then he’s potty trained. Don’t be ludicrous.

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He should be in nappies! Because he clearly doesn't know how to use a toilet!

MissMoneyFairy · 30/04/2025 07:54

He's probably never cleaned a toilet I his life and would not rinse a loo brush anyway, I think it's pretty gross and next time ask him to wipe the bowl.
!

EstherGreenwood63 · 30/04/2025 07:52

I wouldn't have messaged the mum but I would speak to the disgusting scutter kid when I saw him. Fuck cleaning up anyone else's shit.

SheilaFentiman · 30/04/2025 07:52

Arancia · 30/04/2025 07:49

Shit Boy is the bigger laughing stock. How embarrassing for him to have reached teenage, and he's still not potty trained.

Show quote history

Is he still in nappies? No. Then he’s potty trained. Don’t be ludicrous.

BeanQuisine · 30/04/2025 07:50

Leaving a few poo marks in someone's toilet when visiting them is a very minor faux pas, something we've probably all done at some stage, without even realising it.

Messaging a guest's mother to complain about them leaving poo marks in your toilet is a very major faux pas, infinitely ruder than leaving poo in a toilet bowl.

The fact that some posters can't see this is a little disturbing...

Alevel2 · 30/04/2025 07:50

MamaorBruh · 29/04/2025 23:16

Also, my child (teen) would wipe his bum, lid down and flush. Wash hands and leave. Im pretty sure he wouldn't think to check it was all clean.
Hes also be absolutely mortified if I messaged one of his mates parents for that reason. He'd most certainly be laughed at by his pals for it too so well done, you've just managed to make your son a joke amongst his peers.

This - it doesn’t mean he knew it was messy and left it anyway - it’s likely he had a lot in the bowl and then shut the lid and flushed without checking there were skid marks. It’s not something that’s crossed my mind to mentioned to my kids to check for skid marks post flush so will do now!!
no idea why as an adult you would shame him in this way though - kids of today have enough to get on with.
its sad you thought contacting his mum was a good idea

Arancia · 30/04/2025 07:49

rwalker · 30/04/2025 07:43

Whilst obviously grim you’ve made your son a laughingstock by his mum kicking off about skid marks
I would of told your ds to sought it if you absolutely couldn’t

Shit Boy is the bigger laughing stock. How embarrassing for him to have reached teenage, and he's still not potty trained.

SheilaFentiman · 30/04/2025 07:48

nomas · 30/04/2025 07:31

So she needs to clean random shit to facilitate friendships?

Show quote history

I have already said that if OP wasn’t prepared to clean it (reasonable) then asking her DS to clean up after his guest would have been better.

Then DS could raise it in the best way with his own friend (mate, my mum made me clean up your shit, do it yourself next time, eh, dickhead?) if he wanted to.

Imisschampagne · 30/04/2025 07:45

Thatsalineallright · 30/04/2025 07:01

I think you're getting a hard time, OP. I don't think I'd have messaged the mum, but I completely agree that it's unacceptable for a teenager to leave his shit for others to clean up. The amount of posters saying they'd "clean it and forget about it" is appalling - now we know where the husbands who can't even clean a toilet come from.

We can absolutely expect better from teenagers. They are fully capable of cleaning, they just need to be in the habit of it. Start early, young primary, and be consistent, and you'll have a teenager who leaves the toilet clean.

Same! I find the message weird - would have taken it to the kid directly. But the posters saying basically it’s not a biggie… of course it is! Would you say this about a girl too? I imagine the answers would be different and more aiming towards the girls behavior than accepting it.

It‘s unacceptable to leave a toilet shit stained - for girls and boys. Some women here should have higher standards and expectations for adolescent boys. Otherwise their future partners or romantic interests will have to deal with their (literal and figurative) shit.

eternalopt · 30/04/2025 07:44

eternalopt · 30/04/2025 07:39

Maybe at home there are toilet brushes - if you haven't got them he wouldn't have known how to clean it up without knowing where your cleaning kit is?

Regardless, you can be angry and annoyed, but messaging the mum to embarrass a teenager is a step too far.

Hang on. My bad. Thought you said there wasn't a toilet brush in there but you said there was.

Anyway, I don't think you need to worry - I'm sure he won't come round again!

What does your son think about you messaging his friends mum about this? Is he not cringing ??

Mumtobabyhavoc · 30/04/2025 07:44

Rubber gloves. Bathroom cleaner. Mask. 😂
Sorted.

rwalker · 30/04/2025 07:43

Whilst obviously grim you’ve made your son a laughingstock by his mum kicking off about skid marks
I would of told your ds to sought it if you absolutely couldn’t

YourFunnyTiger · 30/04/2025 07:41

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:58

Why should he be able to treat my house with no respect at all and expect me to clean up after him? I’d be mortified if my DS behaved in such a manner. The message I sent was perfectly polite and I ensured it was worded in a reasonable tone.

Totally agree op.
I'd hazard a guess your ds friend is used to having everything done by mummy.
I'd be mortified if my ds did that.
I bet the mum was embarrassed and that explains her response, covering her embarrassment.

Arancia · 30/04/2025 07:41

FishfingerFlinger · 30/04/2025 07:37

Mumsnet really is a window into a whole different world about how people’s minds work.

I can’t even begin to imagine being so uptight about a skidmark in a toilet that I’d have even given this a second thought - just fling bleach in the loo in the course of normal cleaning and move on with my day. Texting the friend’s mum. Is just WILD.

Also reading down the thread about people being “taught never to do a poo in someone else’s toilet”?! This is so weird and not healthy!

Honestly I’m mortified for you OP. It’s an unhinged reaction to something totally normal (poo in a loo, whatever next!) and socially ignorant (embarrassing absolutely everyone involved - the mum, the son, your son, yourself).

Maybe you enjoy seeing other people's shit and skidmarks, and cleaning other people's excrements, but most people don't. It's not about being uptight, this is just really disgusting and unhygienic.

chaosmaker · 30/04/2025 07:40

FortyNineAndABit · 30/04/2025 07:26

Would you have shamed an adult guest in that way? Very rude. Just clean it up.

It's not shaming though, it would be definitely expecting that that adult could leave as they found. Or that they would explain if they had to leave. Why should the host clean it up?

eternalopt · 30/04/2025 07:39

Maybe at home there are toilet brushes - if you haven't got them he wouldn't have known how to clean it up without knowing where your cleaning kit is?

Regardless, you can be angry and annoyed, but messaging the mum to embarrass a teenager is a step too far.

Arancia · 30/04/2025 07:38

I'm shocked that you all think OP shouldn't have called the friend's mum. Of course she should have! Although, in this instance, the kid's mother sadly doesn't give a shit. So her boy is literal shit. No way he'd be back at my house. I'm nobody's toilet cleaner.

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