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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

613 replies

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:49

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

OP posts:
SparklesGlitter · 30/04/2025 08:47

Just a thought… is there any chance it could’ve been your son? And too embarrassed he blamed his friend. It sounds like something a lot of kids would do to detract from being embarrassed

Hwi · 30/04/2025 08:45

FOJN · 30/04/2025 08:42

I suspect Mr Chekhov was unfamiliar with how tablecloths got clean again so could easily afford to turn his ignorance into a virtue.

I doubt I'd notice who made a mess if I had zero responsibility for cleaning it up.

Show quote history

Your point is absolutely fair.

FOJN · 30/04/2025 08:42

Hwi · 30/04/2025 08:34

A good upbringing means not that you won't spill sauce on the tablecloth, but that you won't notice it when someone else does.
Anton Chekhov

I suspect Mr Chekhov was unfamiliar with how tablecloths got clean again so could easily afford to turn his ignorance into a virtue.

I doubt I'd notice who made a mess if I had zero responsibility for cleaning it up.

EmotionallyWeird · 30/04/2025 08:42

I wouldn't forbid him to come round again but I would say something to him (not his mum) next time he comes. Just show him where the toilet brush and/or cleaning liquid is and say you'd appreciate it if he uses them if he makes a mess.

RoadtoVima · 30/04/2025 08:40

Did photographic evidence accompany this message? 😂

I do think the age matters here. I constantly tell my 11yr old to flush etc. She is always being reminded that toilet manners exists too. But if a mum messaged me in this manner I would feel it was designed to shame my child.. If she were 16 however, I would rightly pull her up about it.

I agree with pp's regarding toilet brushes. Monstrous things, so I would have been pissed off having to clean up after this boy.

Still wouldn't have messaged his mum though.

Arlingtonchase · 30/04/2025 08:40

nomas · 30/04/2025 07:30

If basic civility is letting a random child shit all over your toilet repeatedly then count me out.

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"All over"? Or "in"? Silly me, I thought that’s what toilets were for.
"Repeatedly"? Where did that come from?

feelingrobbed · 30/04/2025 08:39

His mum should be embarrassed. I don’t have sons but my DM would never let my DB leave the toilet I see some men do. It’s disgraceful and without meaning to put it on woman it’s when we clean up this shit they don’t learn. I’d never live with a man who behaved this way. Yuck

Soontobesingles · 30/04/2025 08:37

FishfingerFlinger · 30/04/2025 07:37

Mumsnet really is a window into a whole different world about how people’s minds work.

I can’t even begin to imagine being so uptight about a skidmark in a toilet that I’d have even given this a second thought - just fling bleach in the loo in the course of normal cleaning and move on with my day. Texting the friend’s mum. Is just WILD.

Also reading down the thread about people being “taught never to do a poo in someone else’s toilet”?! This is so weird and not healthy!

Honestly I’m mortified for you OP. It’s an unhinged reaction to something totally normal (poo in a loo, whatever next!) and socially ignorant (embarrassing absolutely everyone involved - the mum, the son, your son, yourself).

This 💯

Bonbonvanilla · 30/04/2025 08:36

Hwi · 30/04/2025 08:34

A good upbringing means not that you won't spill sauce on the tablecloth, but that you won't notice it when someone else does.
Anton Chekhov

Quite, embarrassing the boy and his mother is shocking manners.

Arlingtonchase · 30/04/2025 08:36

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:58

Why should he be able to treat my house with no respect at all and expect me to clean up after him? I’d be mortified if my DS behaved in such a manner. The message I sent was perfectly polite and I ensured it was worded in a reasonable tone.

He’s just a thoughtless teenager who doesn’t know, or forgot, that he should clean the loo after he's used it. He probably leaves crisp packets on the floor too.

You could have mentioned it in a jokey way to him the next time he came round. That might have been embarrassing for him - but you chose to embarrass his mother as well.

Hwi · 30/04/2025 08:34

A good upbringing means not that you won't spill sauce on the tablecloth, but that you won't notice it when someone else does.
Anton Chekhov

Arancia · 30/04/2025 08:31

Dweetfidilove · 30/04/2025 08:20

It's obvious now who's raising the useless, filthy husbands of mumsnetters who leave their houses in a state - damp towels, shit and garbage everywhere 🙄.

Clean up after them, don't embarrass them, just tolerate it like I do ...Leave them to grow up as absolute slobs who are mollycoddled and enabled, then send them off to make someone's daughter's life a misery 🥱☹️.

Exactly...

Bonbonvanilla · 30/04/2025 08:30

This is so ridiculous I am reminded of the poo troll.....

ra89 · 30/04/2025 08:29

You messaged his MUM? This can’t be real!

Arlingtonchase · 30/04/2025 08:27

Dweetfidilove · 30/04/2025 08:20

It's obvious now who's raising the useless, filthy husbands of mumsnetters who leave their houses in a state - damp towels, shit and garbage everywhere 🙄.

Clean up after them, don't embarrass them, just tolerate it like I do ...Leave them to grow up as absolute slobs who are mollycoddled and enabled, then send them off to make someone's daughter's life a misery 🥱☹️.

Poo in toilets! Damp towels! The horror!

And please don’t faint but I only wash those towels weekly and I keep my shoes on in the house!

Sometimes Mumsnet is just beyond irony.

iseethembloom · 30/04/2025 08:27

BeanQuisine · 30/04/2025 08:05

Um no, it's people like nearly everyone. Toilets are for pooing in, sometimes not all the poo gets washed away. It's a mundane, everyday thing, not something to weep or shriek about, or take to the streets with torches and pitchforks, or message other people's hapless mothers about.

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Indeed this.
the poll is 80/20 you’re unreasonable/ not being unreasonable.

I’m surprised it’s not even higher than 80%

Christmasmorale · 30/04/2025 08:26

As a mum I’d be grateful to be messaged about that- I don’t know how my kids behave in other people’s houses despite my best efforts to house train them here. So it would just give me a heads up to practice that area with them to ensure it didn’t happen again.

I’d rather be messaged than my son be bitched about every time he visited that friend, or worse no longer be allowed to visit and left wondering why.

iseethembloom · 30/04/2025 08:25

AngelinaFibres · 30/04/2025 08:24

He treated your loo that way because that's what he and his siblings and father do at home. You are expecting a teenager with zero life experience to understand that other people do things differently.

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Totally this. He can’t help that he’s a teenager and hasn’t been taught this at home.

AngelinaFibres · 30/04/2025 08:24

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:58

Why should he be able to treat my house with no respect at all and expect me to clean up after him? I’d be mortified if my DS behaved in such a manner. The message I sent was perfectly polite and I ensured it was worded in a reasonable tone.

He treated your loo that way because that's what he and his siblings and father do at home. You are expecting a teenager with zero life experience to understand that other people do things differently.

Dweetfidilove · 30/04/2025 08:20

It's obvious now who's raising the useless, filthy husbands of mumsnetters who leave their houses in a state - damp towels, shit and garbage everywhere 🙄.

Clean up after them, don't embarrass them, just tolerate it like I do ...Leave them to grow up as absolute slobs who are mollycoddled and enabled, then send them off to make someone's daughter's life a misery 🥱☹️.

Funnywonder · 30/04/2025 08:14

Shit in a toilet. Well, of all the nerve …

Maybe I’m a bit less sensitive about stuff like that. One of my children has Crohn’s Disease. If one of his friends left my toilet dirty, I’d probably roll my eyes a bit, but I would NOT text their mum. What a ridiculous thing to do. If he had done a dump in the bath or on the floor, then certainly I would text. But shit inside a toilet bowl? My heart breaks for what might happen in my child’s future if he ever has any sort of accident because of his Crohn’s Disease.

Ohthatsabitshit · 30/04/2025 08:13

I can’t imagine ever mentioning to any guest what they did in the toilet. Here toilets are cleaned before bed not during the day.

Question285 · 30/04/2025 08:10

I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all. And in light of his mother’s response, you can clearly see that they are ‘shitty’ people (pun very much intended).

You’re within your right not to have him over again. His mum (and dad) should have absolutely taught him some manners instead of expecting everyone to put up with his shit as she does.

rwalker · 30/04/2025 08:10

Arancia · 30/04/2025 07:49

Shit Boy is the bigger laughing stock. How embarrassing for him to have reached teenage, and he's still not potty trained.

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teenager boys will not be embarrassed by mates taking the piss over skid marks they will find it hilarious

legsekeven · 30/04/2025 08:09

Can’t Believe you sent a message to the mum. What a silly thing to do. What did you expect her to do about it.

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