DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

Quite. "Laugh it off"? Really? Some women here to to get a little self respect 😞

You told his Mum?
You should have just cleaned it/told DS to do it and make sure he told his friend not to do it again.
If one of DS's friends Mums messaged me like that I would have thought she was nuts

Well yes. As I said, he's probably just a thoughtless teenager who doesn’t know, or forgot, that he should clean the loo after he's used it.

I can’t believe you messaged his mum!
I would have cleaned it and then spoken to your son and asked him to have a little word with his mate about cleaning the loo after use. He could have then done it in a jokey ‘lads’ way rather than embarrass his friend.

Some kids probably don’t think much about that sort of thing at that age.

I run a tight ship and have 3 kids aged 1-8. While I certainly would expect better from them (at secondary school age), I would not contact a guest’s mother about that. Having a clean house is important, but when you host children there is a level of wear and tear to take on the chin.

A part of me wonders if this was a teenage girl, would it be as acceptable?

I wonder if the OP texts about other 'transgressions'
*Incorrect placement of cutlery at end of meal
*Not pushing chair in post meal
*Not taking plate to the kitchen, scraping and popping into the dishwasher (rinse plate first?)
*Leaving a used cup in the kitchen (or elsewhere in the house)
*Raised voice in house
*Not putting toilet seat down
*An audible body noise
*Profanity

The list goes on. We all hope our kids do the right thing at other people's houses - and each house has different rules (shoes on / off is always a topic here...) , but if they don't, except in the case of violence and rude out of control behaviour, I wouldn't expect to text the other parent. In fact, I've never had to text another parent.

Even more disturbing is that so many posters think it’s fine to teach your son that cleaning up his shit is womens’ work.

“Oh skid marks, pass the smelling salts I can’t cope!”

If this was a younger secondary child (11-12) I’d have just rolled my eyes and thrown bleach in the loo. They’re young enough to be still learning, or embarrassed or not notice or whatever.

If it was a 16 year old and it was a particular mess I’d have got my DS to sort it out (then he can take it up with his mate as he sees fit). If it was a kid I had a good relationship with next time they were over the might get a jokey comment from me. But at that age the idea that you would message a parent about it?! Madness.

I just cannot begin to imagine feeling so strongly about something like this that I wouldn’t stop and think “is this going to help me or my DS to send this message or am I going to look unhinged and potentially impact my son’s friendships?”.

Well no. It was quite clear from the mums reply that he’s never been taught because mummy does it for him. Also quite clear that mummy expected OP to accept these low standards and just suck it up. So many apologists for disgusting manners in someone elses’ home.

This is why women end up doing the majority of household labour. Because we ‘laugh it off’ and clean up after the men folk.

He's an old enough lad that he can clean his own shit stains.

I’d have asked your son to address it with the friend - in a jokey way but letting him know it’s not how you roll in your house. You’d be doing the friend a favour as his Mum clearly hasn’t taught him how to behave.

One of my friends doesn't have one. It was also an issue on a really old episode of four in a bed. One place had no loo brushes, the owner said if it was needed they could call to reception to ask and she would do it 😳

WOW I actually can't believe you texted his mum.

Should he have used the toilet brush, absolutely, but he didn't. I do find it manky when people don't but some really don't seem to see it as something needs to be done every person I lived with at uni

So there was just marks where poo had hit the toilet bowl when he did his business?

I really hope the friend doesn't go into school and tell your dc mates that you messaged his mum. You may have created loads of ammo for teasing

Was it just skid marks in the toilet? Or was there any on the seat or anywhere else other than the toilet bowl?

Totally this.

what in heaven’s name is it with (some……. hopefully a tiny minority??!) of people not having a toilet brush?

To save visitors’ embarrassment, if nothing else…

@JojoM1981 @Motnight and the OP @LeahYoga I’m so sorry, I’ve only just realised my comment was put on the wrong thread! I blame my baby for my sleep deprived brain 😂 sorry - to add my opinion, of course the friend needs to be held accountable! I wouldn’t personally message the mum though, I’d maybe make it clear to your son about his friends leaving everything clean - or generally say to friends and son, be tidy boys etc. Defo not nice to come across that in your bathroom 😖

I can't believe you messaged his mum 😳 at lot of young people that age wouldn't feel confident helping themselves to the loo brush in someone else's home and chances are they already felt embarrassed they'd left skid marks and potentially a smell.

Given the number of adults who don't bother sorting out after themselves as evidenced by work place toilets regularly left a mess I think you are a bit unreasonable. Have you got nothing better to do with your time than message a kids mum asking why he didn't scrub your loo after using 🙄

Hold on a second. It was very stupid for the mum and not the dad to of even flagged it up in that case 😂.

I think you are totally overanalysing how teenagers view things like cleaning the toilet! Infact I reckon in our house the dad cleans them more anyway so I don’t think they apply the logic that a women will clean them up regardless …

And also more likely if he has a mum with form for - ahem - losing her shit over something so trivial.

A bit twee but I'd put one of those "please leave the toilet as you find it" notices next to the loo.
Good for you for being considerate enough to provide a toilet brush, not everyone does and it's most embarrassing if you are a visitor and need to clean after yourself.

You mean that YOU would be embarrassed to tell him?
Thats on you, then - I’d have pulled him aside and explained kindly that he needs to leave the loo, any loo, as he finds it - ie. clean for the next person to use, and especially when not in his own home, although he should have some consideration for his family, too!
I’ve had to educate a small number of DC’s friends in etiquette/manners issues occasionally over the years. Most have continued to visit our house and DC’s, and a few have expressed gratitude for these moments, years later, that I’d prevented them from future embarrassment!

Oh gosh. I worry my son will do this. We have three toilets and two of them don't flush properly, so my DS's (now 11 and 13) have learnt to leave it until mum or dad come along to flush them. I really worry they will go to friends houses and not flush because they r used to not flushing. And as they don't flush, they also don't use the brush. Again, I worry how this will go at other people houses.

We reaaaaly need to get our toilets fixed but no money at present. They've not flushed for years

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