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DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

613 replies

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:49

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

OP posts:
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iseethembloom · 06/05/2025 17:39

Lostcat · 03/05/2025 19:52

I dont understand these posts, I just don’t. Fair enough if OP had said something to the lad directly - I wouldn’t have the gall/ nerve but I would thoroughly respect and support a woman who did. but that’s not what OP did!! She didn’t hold this boy responsible / to standards at all, the person she held responsible was his mum- for the fact that her teenage son did a messy poo!!! Who does this? How is this feminism???!!!

Bonkers.

Edited

When you put it like that, it’s a great point, @Lostcat

It’s passing the issue straight back to another different woman. Would have been far nicer for @op to have had a smiling friendly word directly with the boy. Perhaps he’d left by the time she discovered the mess?

For anyone about to reply saying, ‘but it’s not her job to socialise other people’s kids!’, of course it isn’t. But it would have been a nice, tactful compromise.

Gossipisgood · 06/05/2025 13:54

You rang his Mum to tittle tattle on him for not cleaning your toilet? How to embarrass yourself, your DS & his friend. Kids don't think about these things. I doubt very much he thought 'I'm not cleaning that. I'll leave it for xxxx mum to do' You do know his Mum will tell others about this & you're going to look a right div.

Thegodfatherreturns · 04/05/2025 10:10

Illegally18 · 03/05/2025 19:24

Well, they'll know what not to do! And why should anyone not want to visit?

Because they will probably think his mother's behaviour is batshit.

PassingStranger · 04/05/2025 01:09

Edenmum2 · 29/04/2025 23:13

You did not message his mum. Please tell me you did not do this.

Wind up??

TheHerboriste · 04/05/2025 00:59

Valeriekat · 04/05/2025 00:45

I find it very strange how many women replying seem to think it is OPs job to clear up the mess and that it is no big deal. The boy and his mother should be mortified that this happened.

Exactly.

So many urging OP to be a good little woman and not “embarrass the lad.”

No fucking wonder so many males are growing up to be losers and undesirables.

Valeriekat · 04/05/2025 00:45

I find it very strange how many women replying seem to think it is OPs job to clear up the mess and that it is no big deal. The boy and his mother should be mortified that this happened.

Valeriekat · 04/05/2025 00:40

Scratchingaroundinthesameoldhole · 29/04/2025 22:51

I think i would have just dealt with it, rolled eyes and laughed. I definitely would not have messaged his mum. How embarrassing

It should be embarrassing for the shitty boy and his Mum. You were right to call them out on that. No one should be expected to clean up someone else's shit unless they are very young or very old.
The Mum is clearly trying to minimise the fact that her child hasn't been taught decent behaviour.

Lostcat · 03/05/2025 19:52

TheHerboriste · 03/05/2025 18:23

People who believe in holding teenage boys to some rock-bottom standards of decent behaviour, for one.

He's not four.

I dont understand these posts, I just don’t. Fair enough if OP had said something to the lad directly - I wouldn’t have the gall/ nerve but I would thoroughly respect and support a woman who did. but that’s not what OP did!! She didn’t hold this boy responsible / to standards at all, the person she held responsible was his mum- for the fact that her teenage son did a messy poo!!! Who does this? How is this feminism???!!!

Bonkers.

Illegally18 · 03/05/2025 19:24

Thegodfatherreturns · 03/05/2025 18:28

And what did OP's son ruin because he's the one who could potentially suffer the most consequences if no one wants to visit?

Well, they'll know what not to do! And why should anyone not want to visit?

Orangeoranges42 · 03/05/2025 19:24

do you think the poor boy had an upset stomach?

Thegodfatherreturns · 03/05/2025 18:28

Illegally18 · 03/05/2025 18:18

???? Well, for the first point, that's good, and as for avoiding the OP's house, he ruined that by not cleaning up after himself.

And what did OP's son ruin because he's the one who could potentially suffer the most consequences if no one wants to visit?

TheHerboriste · 03/05/2025 18:23

Justhere65 · 03/05/2025 18:21

I can’t believe this post is real! It’s not great but contacting his mum? Who on earth would do that?

People who believe in holding teenage boys to some rock-bottom standards of decent behaviour, for one.

He's not four.

Justhere65 · 03/05/2025 18:21

I can’t believe this post is real! It’s not great but contacting his mum? Who on earth would do that?

Illegally18 · 03/05/2025 18:18

Thegodfatherreturns · 02/05/2025 21:47

But what will the "teaching" involve beyond telling him to clean up after himself and probably to avoid OPs house.

???? Well, for the first point, that's good, and as for avoiding the OP's house, he ruined that by not cleaning up after himself.

Thegodfatherreturns · 02/05/2025 21:47

But what will the "teaching" involve beyond telling him to clean up after himself and probably to avoid OPs house.

TheHerboriste · 02/05/2025 21:03

Thegodfatherreturns · 02/05/2025 21:00

What is there to "teach" . It is hardly complex. Just because he didn't clean the toilet on this occasion doesn't mean that he will be forever unable to. I am sure most children occasionally don't clean after themselves however much they have been told to including OPs son.

"Teach" him to respect others' homes, to be meticulous in cleaning up after himself, to be aware of his surroundings, to be considerate of others. The list goes on.

Thegodfatherreturns · 02/05/2025 21:00

Illegally18 · 02/05/2025 20:16

And the 'poor' lad who left a mess. Since his mother didn't teach him to clean up after himself, then Life does.

What is there to "teach" . It is hardly complex. Just because he didn't clean the toilet on this occasion doesn't mean that he will be forever unable to. I am sure most children occasionally don't clean after themselves however much they have been told to including OPs son.

ohyesido · 02/05/2025 20:33

TheHerboriste · 02/05/2025 20:08

The "lad" humiliated himself.

I shudder to think what some people here are raising.

My DH and my DC sometimes mess the toilet up. A simple “please clean up after yourselves in future please fam” is enough, they don’t need to have it verbally rubbed in their faces though. That’s poor class

Illegally18 · 02/05/2025 20:16

Thegodfatherreturns · 02/05/2025 19:55

In what way is it courageous? OP won't be the one to suffer any negative consequences for her action. That will be her poor son.

And the 'poor' lad who left a mess. Since his mother didn't teach him to clean up after himself, then Life does.

TheHerboriste · 02/05/2025 20:08

ohyesido · 02/05/2025 19:51

why humiliate the lad? I can’t quite believe that you text the other mum that and expected anything over than a shitty response

The "lad" humiliated himself.

I shudder to think what some people here are raising.

Thegodfatherreturns · 02/05/2025 19:55

Illegally18 · 02/05/2025 18:56

I disagree - it's courageous.

In what way is it courageous? OP won't be the one to suffer any negative consequences for her action. That will be her poor son.

ohyesido · 02/05/2025 19:51

why humiliate the lad? I can’t quite believe that you text the other mum that and expected anything over than a shitty response

TheHerboriste · 02/05/2025 19:09

FunMustard · 01/05/2025 15:45

Wish I'd come back to this thread sooner tbh.

I am embarrassed for so many of you, excusing your son's leaving shitty toilets because the poor lamb might be embarrassed.

It's a properly crap (pun intended) part of current life that some parents feel they can't do anything that might make their little cherubs feel uncomfortable in the slightest. This kid might only be 12 or so now, but if he continues with no one ever telling him to not leave a shitty toilet he'll still be doing it at 16, at 20, and one day, you'll be the one using the toilet after him in Costa or something. Then you'll be bemoaning the lack of manners in leaving a toilet so nasty.

But because OP isn't a wet lettuce and actually addressed it with his mum (and no, that isn't shaming the mum, it was shaming the kid until the mum decided to admit she doesn't bother teaching her sons important things like this) she's apparently the bad guy?!

And all the "you've embarrassed your son" - no, if people bring it up all he needs to do is say you know what, friend can't wipe his own arse so I'm not sure how that's embarrassing to me!

My god. Like I said - embarrassed for a lot of you.

Very well said.

Stop excusing sub-par behaviour, people. Stop coddling your oafish offspring. Raise your standards and expectations.

Illegally18 · 02/05/2025 18:56

MrBiscuits24 · 30/04/2025 22:07

No way would I have the audacity to message another mum about their teen sons toilet behaviour- it’s very odd.

I disagree - it's courageous.

Tessasanderson · 02/05/2025 10:02

Arancia · 30/04/2025 17:13

I'm a mother of boys, too, they don't leave the toilet behind in a mess. You have gross kids, probably because you are 'lax about shit. Congratulations.

Have you ever asked them if they left skid marks in a friends house?

Have they ever gone for a shit in away from home noticed a few skid marks and assumed the water would flush them away?

Chances are the answer to both of those is yes and the houseowner just squirted some bleach in the bowl and didnt give it a second thought.