New mum friend came over, Left my house in a tip

My mam used to tell me about a lady that did this to her when all us kids were younger. She’d arrive in the morning with her 2 kids, sit in my parents house all day wrecking the place & then go home to her own house after dinner. She’d tell my mam how clean she has her own house & it’s great not to cook etc while my mam waited on her hand & foot.
This would happen regularly. Eventually mam got rid of her but it took a while!

I had a similar situation when I moved to where I am now. My friends sister started turning up at all hours day & night. I started answering the door in my coat & telling her I was going out & just driving off but it took a few goes of that to stop her.
Op i suggest you do the same if she arrives unannounced. Fuck that. She only lives 5 mins away so it’s no hardship for her to go back home.

oh and I always bring a pack of biscuits or cakes when I’m invited somewhere for a cuppa. Every time!

No

Sound very bitchy tbf but I'm the type of person to go to someone's house and clean up the dishes but that has had me taken advantage of in the past so I don't make mum friends as I Cba with all the human interaction and natural bitchiness that comes with it.

Block and dump, OP. She sounds horrid.

As I suspected she sounds like a nob. Back off from her, OP. Good luck 🌺

No.

She sounds like my people. Some of my best friends are mum friends I made when my eldest was small. It really didn't take long for us to be at home in each other's houses, letting ourselves in with a little shout rather than a formal knock and wait, make some tea, make all the kids snacks, feet up on the sofa etc. Lord, 2 of my mum friends even have their own mugs in my cupboard. I love that kind of friendship. My house often looks like a bombs gone off after a play date but it's all put back together in a few minutes. OP you have different standards and that's okay, but if one of you is unreasonable, I'd have to say it's you. Embrace it. Mum friends that you click with aren't that easy to come by.

OP will be complaining that her guest had the audacity to use the toilet next 😀

the only real thing that stands out is a mismatch on time expectations - if you invite her again, be clearer that you need to be somewhere at X o'clock.

FFS

Milk! The nerve!

Your high chair will get dirty pretty soon when your baby starts to use it

Tbf you aren't grasping it

No one is going to respond favourably to a post starting with “Can you not grasp?”
Bore off with your “bleeding obvious” 😜

Can you not grasp that someone might just have a different opinion or perspective to you?

Lots of faux shock and judgment on here: pretending not to understand (or just too thick?) how this PITA woman pushed boundaries and has no manners; making stupid comments like “do you begrudge someone a bit of cheese?” and crap like that. Shit stirring or stupid.

i would presume it was my job to clear up after a play date at my house, and their job when it was at their house. I would expect to alternate venues. Toddlers / babies are messy!!

The funny thing is the OP thinks she's better and more generous than other people because she takes Nice Biscuits but she's actually miserly as fuck and resents a guest having milk in their coffee.

No gifts.

She’s invited herself to come round every week indeed. Tell the cheeky mare no!

Blimey Op….. there’s no rule that you take a gift when you go to someone’s house for a cuppa or lunch for a baby play date! Think you’ve set yourself up for disappointment if you expect that.

it’s good etiquette to take something for the host when you go for an evening meal or party though.

as for food mess in the garden - surely that’s not an issue?
do you really begrudge a bit of cheese?

op I wouldn’t host again .. you sound a bit uptight

I would never expect a gift from a friend or take one myself unless of course it’s a bbq or dinner party and I’d take a bottle of wine/desert.

i also wouldn’t bother about the ‘mess’, that’s the best thing about mum meet ups, the kids can play and make a mess with no judgement! That’s how me and my friends are anyway and as for making herself at home.

I think that’s lovely that she feels comfortable. I think you are expecting too much and sharing some cheese and tidying up a bit of food is hardly worth getting annoyed over.

Nope.

It sounds like you’ve both got different social etiquette understandings.

I may take something to contribute but certainly don’t expect it, and if doing it regularly I wouldn’t, that’s more for those I don’t see very often, we’re eating together, that sort of thing.

Is the high chair annoyance because it meant your own child didn’t get to use it themselves? Presumably you have children of a similar age? I can understand how that would be annoying! My sister had a lobster chair when she was doing BLW, it was great. Maybe you can ask if she has something like this? Suggest she gets something? Very useful for going anywhere with a small child.

You can alternate houses each week, ask her to help when clearing up at the end.

I agree with the risk of having been snared though. She sounds like maybe a bit more of a taker than a giver. Everyone is different, it doesn’t make her a bad person or friend, just maybe one you may need to have some boundaries with.

Despite the lack of biscuits contributed, and arguably more importantly, did you enjoy her company?

I don’t see a big issue. It wouldn’t take long to clean up. Though she should have done that before leaving.

You invited her for a play date and she brought her baby’s food except for a little cheese and you resent it? I assume you’re not doing baby led weaning -you can provide a Mat for under the high chair and offer to watch the baby while she cleans up.
It is usual to give some snacks for visitors but it sounds like you didn’t set any time frame to the visit - 3 hours is obviously too much for you and you’re not sure you like her enough to invite around again. You can say you’d prefer to meet outdoors at the park or visit her home for now. Beware of letting anyone make assumptions over your time - you seem quite passive - the old mumsnet phrase ‘that doesn’t work for me’ may come in useful.