Page 2 | Is my neighbour a CF or AIBU?

Allaboutthetrilogy1985 · 2025-04-29T20:44:40+00:00

Has anyone had trouble with neighbours because of their SEN children? I have a DS who at the minute is going through headbanging. So we have him in a travel cot next to us as its safer. However, he likes to rock the cot which admittedly does make a racket and of course we try to limit the rocking by using furniture to pad him in - but you know - stimming!!! Our neighbour has text tonight saying how the banging day and night is ruining his life and keeps them awake. I feel bad that our son is disrupting them, but even on his worse days he crashes by 9 (being put to bed at 7) i can imagine those two hours are irritating but what else can i do? He sleeps through so i just cant understand the argument for keeping them awake unless they go to bed at 7? And all day is crazy as he goes to a childminders? Neighbour is fully aware of DS needs. Our neighbour also complained about our dog barking all day when we were home all day with said dog and heard not a peep! So should i be polite and try and ‘do better’ as he suggests, or shall i tell him to do one and fall out?. Both neighbour and us own our properties. Ps he doesnt seem to worry about noise when revving his stupid midlife crisis vespa outside our house at 7am on a weekend…. AIBU for not doing better?

Strawberrycupcakes · 30/04/2025 00:03

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Reported

raysan · 30/04/2025 00:02

Sounds like CF to me, complaining about times when yous arent even home

11thofNever · 30/04/2025 00:00

Does your neighbour know you own your home OP? I only ask because is it possible he thinks you rent/have a council property and is trying to make a log of instances for proof to complain?
Regardless, he is making things up and exaggerating, for that alone you should minimise contact. If he complains about something that hasn't happened, tell him that's not possible because xyz. Don't apologise!

vipersnest1 · 29/04/2025 23:58

@Pussycat22 disgusting comment - you should be ashamed of yourself.
@Allaboutthetrilogy1985 would pool noodle material work on the feet and side rails help for the time being?

IWillAlwaysBeinaClubWithYouin1973 · 29/04/2025 23:53

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How is this post OK? does a comma and 3 !s make it acceptable to suggest you put a pillow over a toddler's face? Is there actually something wrong with you @Pussycat22

TwoWithCurls · 29/04/2025 23:49

It sounds like you’ve got enough on your plate without having to deal with your neighbour! Do what you can to minimise the sound, but, ultimately, they are not your priority.

humptydumptyfelloff · 29/04/2025 23:47

@Allaboutthetrilogy1985

i have no ideas to help but I really feel for you it must be bloody stressful for you both.

tell the neighbour to just suck it up for a minute until you can get things sorted.

all the people saying to do something instantly probably have never had to deal with it.

my youngest had severe reflux as a baby ands screamed and cried her way through the nights for the first 18 months.

it was absolute hell for us but our neighbour who we are joined into and whose bedroom is next to ours never ever complained.
she doesn’t have children but whenever we apologised she always said she didn’t hear anything which I know must be untrue but she was really good

you’ve just got a shitty neighbour I’m afraid.

grit your teeth and carry on with what your doing and ignore it

Original poster

Allaboutthetrilogy1985 · 29/04/2025 23:47

ASimpleLampoon · 29/04/2025 23:26

@Allaboutthetrilogy1985 There's a charity called Caudwell that might be able to help with funding for a safespace cot, could you consider crowdfunding perhaps (send a link to neighbour lol) and as for Mr Vespa, yes tell him to do one. What a hypocrite. Your child can't help the noise and there's very little you can do. We currently have a little banger next door, but having been through the same stage with our autistic teen 10 years ago we basically find ways to cope, it's not hard. Mr Vespas just not very resilient probably.

Thank you. Weve bought a floor bed for him which im sure will do the trick - its coming on Wednesday. We just had to wait until pay day as wed paid out for new carpets with thick underlay to try and appease out of this months salary!

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JollyLilacBee · 29/04/2025 23:45

Bushmillsbabe · 29/04/2025 23:03

How old is he now?
Support shouldn't be dependent on a diagnosis, it's based off his functional and developmental needs. Services are nore stretched than I can remember in 20 years as a children's physio, but you should have had some contact from nhs teams.

By safe space I meant this
https://safespaces.co.uk/
There is funding available, but an OT referral is usually needed.

Show quote history

Please don’t do this unless you have tried everything else possible, including making the room safe/padded and using a mattress on the floor. I have seen so many parents buy a single bed sized one for their child with asd when healthcare professionals won’t provide one, and massively regret it down the line.

He will get used to sleeping in that space and may really struggle if you go on holiday as he gets older. I know families that have had to come home after the first night as their child will only settle in the safe space or cotbed.

Aside from that, as he gets older, it becomes restraint. It’s one thing having a 2yo in an enclosed space, but imagine him at 18 when he becomes an adult? The situation then becomes much more complicated regarding the law.

Go down every behavioural route possible before getting something to shut him into. If it doesn’t work then any professional recommending or providing this type of bed should be writing and providing you with a very clear ‘best interest’ care plan, detailing what has been tried, and the clinical reasoning behind restraining him

Original poster

Allaboutthetrilogy1985 · 29/04/2025 23:45

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Are you seriously suggesting i suffocate my son to appease my neighbours noise sensitivity?

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Original poster

Allaboutthetrilogy1985 · 29/04/2025 23:43

Ohnobackagain · 29/04/2025 23:13

@Allaboutthetrilogy1985 are you sure it’s you they hear? If you were away one week I’d be saying ‘are you sure - next door doesn’t here, we were away and you said you heard us and DS is asleep by 9. Plus ddog did not bark the say you said. Happy to try and improve things but not sure all of it is us. BTW, as we’re discussing noise, could you agree to push your scooter up the road before starting it, if you’re leaving before 8 at the weekend’

We did try this with the dog. He insisted our dog was barking all day when i was working from home. When i said i was home, he the. Only complained when our car was gone. So we ended up putting a camera in the living room so that if we were out and he text we sent him a video of the stream. Honestly its exhausting. Im sure he's just very sensitive and im sorry about that but ita difficult to deal with ontop of everything else!

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Pussycat22 · 29/04/2025 23:27

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ASimpleLampoon · 29/04/2025 23:26

@Allaboutthetrilogy1985 There's a charity called Caudwell that might be able to help with funding for a safespace cot, could you consider crowdfunding perhaps (send a link to neighbour lol) and as for Mr Vespa, yes tell him to do one. What a hypocrite. Your child can't help the noise and there's very little you can do. We currently have a little banger next door, but having been through the same stage with our autistic teen 10 years ago we basically find ways to cope, it's not hard. Mr Vespas just not very resilient probably.

sheldonRockz · 29/04/2025 23:22

Allaboutthetrilogy1985 · 29/04/2025 23:05

I just think the CF comes from over exaggerating. Hes saying its all day (DS at childminders) and all night keeping them awake (DS is asleep by 9) I accept that it is disrupting for them intermittently between 7-9 whixh weve apologised for and spoken to them about. but i do expect a bit of grace whilst we are able to find a solution.

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Have you pointed out to the neighbour that the times they’re claiming your son is disturbing them he isn’t even in the house?
Then feign concern and sweetly suggest they maybe they should speak to their GP as they’re hearing noises 🤷🏼‍♀️

ChimneyPot · 29/04/2025 23:22

If he is complaining about the noise when you are not there and when DS is at childminders just tell him he must be mistaken about the noise because there is no one in your house at those times to make it.

Ohnobackagain · 29/04/2025 23:13

@Allaboutthetrilogy1985 are you sure it’s you they hear? If you were away one week I’d be saying ‘are you sure - next door doesn’t here, we were away and you said you heard us and DS is asleep by 9. Plus ddog did not bark the say you said. Happy to try and improve things but not sure all of it is us. BTW, as we’re discussing noise, could you agree to push your scooter up the road before starting it, if you’re leaving before 8 at the weekend’

Original poster

Allaboutthetrilogy1985 · 29/04/2025 23:12

He's in that awkward stage of dropping his afternoon nap. If he goes without his nap he will crash at 7:30 but be irritable. If he has a nap its closer to 9. As i say this has only been going on 3/4 weeks. I just hoped for some grace whilst we figure it out!

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Original poster

Allaboutthetrilogy1985 · 29/04/2025 23:10

Bushmillsbabe · 29/04/2025 23:03

How old is he now?
Support shouldn't be dependent on a diagnosis, it's based off his functional and developmental needs. Services are nore stretched than I can remember in 20 years as a children's physio, but you should have had some contact from nhs teams.

By safe space I meant this
https://safespaces.co.uk/
There is funding available, but an OT referral is usually needed.

Show quote history

He is 2 and a half. He is under NHS paediatrician, community paediatrician, OT, physio, cardiologist, neurologist, ENT due to hearing loss, he has been admitted hospital at least once a month since we was born at 28 weeks due to chronic lung disease. Hes on every agency radar but the only physical/practical support we have received has been paid for privately. We are currently around 20k in on this.

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pinkdelight · 29/04/2025 23:06

If he doesn’t crash till 9, do you need to put him to bed at 7? I know you say the cot is a safety thing but presume he’s safe the rest of the day when he’s not in a cot? If those two hours are the problem - and they do sound a problem - then I’d try something other than just accepting that’s how it is every night, at least until you’ve tried having him elsewhere till he crashes.

Original poster

Allaboutthetrilogy1985 · 29/04/2025 23:05

ToKittyornottoKitty · 29/04/2025 22:57

I think you should just explain again it’s for 2 hours and you are doing your best but can’t change it right now. Really struggling to see how the neighbour could be a CF though

I just think the CF comes from over exaggerating. Hes saying its all day (DS at childminders) and all night keeping them awake (DS is asleep by 9) I accept that it is disrupting for them intermittently between 7-9 whixh weve apologised for and spoken to them about. but i do expect a bit of grace whilst we are able to find a solution.

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Original poster

Allaboutthetrilogy1985 · 29/04/2025 23:03

AllosaurusMum · 29/04/2025 23:01

Is the cot near the wall with the staircase? It maybe conducting the sound and thumps up making it sound louder than you'd think.

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No its on the other wall. Ive talked to our other neighbour who says he doesn't hear him. He goes to bed at 10 and the cot is basically against this neighbours headboard

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Bushmillsbabe · 29/04/2025 23:03

Allaboutthetrilogy1985 · 29/04/2025 22:55

Absolutely. Would love this. DS needs his own room and a safe space. However he has no diagnosis and no support despite being on the radar since birth sue to his prematurity. We are currently building a dividing wall and will purchase the equipment he needs privately. However this has only been happening a matter of weeks. We can only do as much as we can

Show quote history

How old is he now?
Support shouldn't be dependent on a diagnosis, it's based off his functional and developmental needs. Services are nore stretched than I can remember in 20 years as a children's physio, but you should have had some contact from nhs teams.

By safe space I meant this
https://safespaces.co.uk/
There is funding available, but an OT referral is usually needed.

Safespaces For The Best Safe Living And Sleeping Spaces

Custom-made safe living and sleeping spaces for people with complex needs, including learning disabilities, autism, epilepsy and behaviours that challenge.

https://safespaces.co.uk

AllosaurusMum · 29/04/2025 23:01

Allaboutthetrilogy1985 · 29/04/2025 22:52

We are in a townhouse and we are mirror image with the complaining neighbour. We have a landing and staircase between us and the same their side. They also sleep on the second floor and we sleep on the first. My neighbour on the side where our walls join doesnt hear anything x

Show quote history

Is the cot near the wall with the staircase? It maybe conducting the sound and thumps up making it sound louder than you'd think.

Original poster

Allaboutthetrilogy1985 · 29/04/2025 22:58

Byebyechicken · 29/04/2025 22:53

2 hours every night is a long time to listen to banging and I say that as a parent of a headbanger!
Is there anything you can do to stop the banging?
I wouldn't want to fall out with my neighbour if it was preventable, no.

Its really not two hours constantly. We go up at the same time as him beachse im worried about his headbanging. Its not that thats causing the noise its the rocking. Weve put new carpet in with extra insulation and we hold the side of the cot when he starts. Sometimes he will drip off straight away. Sometimes he starts ricking again after 10 minutes and we do the same. Hes always asleep by 9 at latest and wakes about 6;45

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ToKittyornottoKitty · 29/04/2025 22:57

I think you should just explain again it’s for 2 hours and you are doing your best but can’t change it right now. Really struggling to see how the neighbour could be a CF though