My DH has a favourite child..

I have a holiday home in France with 7 bedrooms. I have a DD, sil.and 2dgc, and 2 DS's with no DC. Each year I offer them all to come to visit me in France and I'll pay for the ferry fair and all food on holiday so basically it would just cost them spending money. This year DD, sil and 2 dgc are choosing to come but neither of my 2 DS's are. I certainly won't be offering my DS's a cash equivalent. Other years 1 or other of DS's have chosen to come but not DD, sil or DGC. Some years one of my sister's and nieces have come for a couple of weeks. I've treated my younger DSis and niece because she wasn't very well off.

Is he also suggesting giving youngest significantly less because of the lack of partner and kids, or less to son with one child than the daughter with two? No. The fairest way is to give them all the same amount and how they spend it is up to them.

Coming back to your original idea: it’s a non-starter to get all four and their kids together at the same time. But could you achieve part of the aim by taking two separate holidays? Two kids and their kids on each trip? That way you get the family time you wanted, albeit segregated a little.

You want to shout your kids a holiday, but give the same amount to 1 person to cover 1/2 people (don’t know if they are partnered), as you give to another person to cover 6 people? That’s madness if the intent is to shout a holiday. It should be paid on a per head basis to each family member unless you want all your kids to go on a solo holiday away from their families???

Your DH is not being unreasonable. Of course it would cost more to take 4 DC on holiday than just a single person going. If they were all going with you you would be paying more for 6 people than 1. I'd pay the single person for 2 so they can take someone with them, then a holiday for 6, a holiday for 4 and a holiday for 3. Look at how much a holiday to somewhere would cost for those groupings and then pay them that amount. You could ask them when they wanted to go then book it for them.

you can have one you get on with more due to shared interests and similar temperaments. I see nothing wrong with that. Doesn't mean you love them more. No need to be labelling as a favourite. Seems a bit juvenile. Course it will cost more for the one with 4 kids and you want to pay for their holiday so you will have to pay them more. A non issue

^ this makes the most sense to me.

Or you scrap the idea and do a long weekend somewhere localish instead - might be more realistic and kids only missing a day off school or joining later that evening?

Don't know what to think really - I know it is specifically for a holiday, but it doesn't feel right that your oldest DS gets given more because he has chosen to have more children (so far) than the others. I have been on both sides of this - as the parent and as the child, not for holidays certainly, but for money generally, and I still think equal treatment is the only way not to cause resentments.

Book a holiday home for a couple weeks or so spanning all the half terms. Kids come stay in shifts with their various sized families. They all get a holiday although not together but you get to enjoy an extra long holiday that includes all kids.

you know which child is the favourite and your kids will know too. If you act like you agree with your husband your own relationship with your kids will suffer. My parents hero worship my brother, my dad was always in contact with him. Mum always pushed for us being treated equally but really meant the non favourite kids as she never objected when dad gave more to eldest son. Dad died. Brother does not bother with mother who is now lonely, unfortunately her daughters don’t feel close to her after years of clear preference for her son don’t see why they should fill the gap the ungrateful golden child has left by stepping back.

just side step the issue. Don’t give anyone money or try work out what’s fair just book a holiday home big enough for them to come in shifts and as you want spend time with them as that’s more important than dividing money and causing upset no matter how you slice it

This is a good idea! Whatever you do, be up front about it as secrecy / deceit will make it worse.

It’s not as simple as numbers either though. Teenager costs as much as adults and will likely need their own room, where small kids are cheaper (sometimes free) and can share with their parents. Some holidays cost more than others etc.
I think they should all be given the same, just something towards their holiday. You could give each grandchild some spending money.

Give the money per person - what it would have cost eqch family for them to book to go away.

I've got the least amount of dc between my siblings too and it really wouldn't bother me if they got more money either.

My parents would do what your DH proposes, my ILs would do what you propose. My ILs are sanctimonious as hell and would be so annoying about it that I wouldn't even want to go in the end, even if they weren't attending. My parents would do it graciously and although I wouldn't get the most I'd be fine with it.

As the sibling with no children, this would be my idea of hell, I would only like to go for 3 days max despite loving my family a lot.

I suspect there's also a spouse or two who might not be as excited about the idea too.

Would you consider seperate breaks with each of them or even two of your children at a time...for example, go somewhere for July and each family joins you at a different time thst month that suits.

Whoops meant to quote @LadyRoughDiamond .

Brilliant idea.

That does seem a great idea, if possible.

If you've used the real ages and sexes of your children then your post is very identifiable. You might want to remove it or change the details.

If you were funding it, and all going together, would each sibling for arguments sake receive one lodge (with same dimensions, and rooms), or would the one with 4 kids get a larger lodge than the one with no kids?

There's your answer. You are funding it, you're just not all going together.

To save arguments, buy the holidays yourself sp no one gets to know the actual monies.

I think giving them the equivalent of what you would have paid for a holiday is fair. Or giving a bigger family more because there's more of them.
However I can see why this would annoy you if your DH has got previous for treating them differently and having a favourite. I completely disagree with a pp that it's perfectly fine to have favourites once they grow up.
It's really not.

For him to be able to have the same type of holiday as everyone else, then he would need more money.

But it opens a can of works because does your DD with no kids get less than everyone else?

It would make sense for me to give more money for a holiday to a family of 6 than to a family of 2 or 3.

That your DH gets on better with one of his children than the others isn't really unusual, just as we get on better with some people than others.

But a lot of people don't like holidaying alone and even if she does it usually costs a lot more than half the price of doing it as a couple.

I think it’s perfectly fine to have a favourite child once they are all fully grown adults, moved out with their own families.
If you’ve got for kids, your going to have more in common and get on with one more than the others. It’s about friendship more than parenting at this point.

but I don’t think thats the issue, he’s not saying let’s give ds(40) the most because he’s likes golf like I do but because he has the most children and so an equal holiday will cost him the most.
give x per child and y per grandchild.

What you want is a family holiday with your kids. So I agree with the approach suggested above. Take somewhere for two weeks and let them come at different times for whatever length suits them - a week, a weekend.