Anyone else’s DH like this? Sick of it

I think more people are concerned about her minimising the behaviour of her DH rather than the driving issue.

I know this thread is dwindling but I think some Mumsnetters don’t realise how different the situation around taxis can be in certain areas.

The phenomenon of lots of taxis available and waiting to take you anywhere at the drop of a hat is only where there are lots of people willing to do that work.

In rural areas, even if you live in a small town or village, there might not be a taxi company as such but a few one-man-band operators. So if they are busy taking a fare to the hospital, there is no taxi available for the next hour.

Even where there is a taxi company, drivers can be unwilling to do short trips or alternatively not willing to do longer trips into more remote spots, unless you book them for both journeys. But even then they might not want to do it because it’s a Tuesday, or because they were working late last night and (quite reasonably) need to sleep, or maybe they just don’t feel like it. So it is a different story.

Uber is not everywhere. It is quite literally not ubiquitous!

Agreed.

Then she will talk about his amazing qualities which are contradicted in her OP.

OP is likely exaggerating saying he is fine 98% of the time.

It’s just 1 example but every time our routine goes slightly off piste, or the kids are ill, the implication is I will seamlessly deal with it by interrupting my own work and life while his remains the same. And that if I make him go out of his way, it’s deeply unfair, and he just seems to lose his cool completely.

If he was only like this 2% of the time would she really be so sick of it that she is posting on here. With little kids routines can change every day several times a day.

He offered to drive her - she says this at 16:50. He already knew he was working.

That’s obviously very different then, isn’t it?!

His communication is dire, he seems to think I can read his mind as to finer details of any plans, what his work calendar is like etc and I’ve said time and time again SAY THINGS EXPLICITLY. Tell me you have a meeting and what time, and in advance. He springs these things on me constantly.

But didn't you expect him to read your mind?

You didn't explicitly tell him what you wanted ie for him to stay.

I understand wanting a lift there because, for example, taxis aren't always reliable, but you asked him for a lift there and what you wanted was for him to go to the appointment with you (stay for the duration).

If he's working, why does he have to account for his time during the working day or explain things etc to you? He's working.

That's not to say his response wasn't inappropriate just that I wonder how many of these 'off piste' moments occur when he is supposed to he working and you're not clear in what you want so he agrees to one thing but then discovers what you're actually asking is something else.

Sadly I suspect you’ll be back

different username
Same initial OP outlining a catalogue of behaviours from your DH that are unpleasant
Same defensiveness when majority say “sounds awful”
Same flounce
until the next thread

*Shouldn't

Maybe if he'd been in an office the OP might have needed him home so she could take dd to the dr. Or dd would have been forced to walk - easier for dad, sure, but not so much for the sick child. Being a parent means you sometimes have to leave work to care for your unwell kids. Really, all he had to do was a quick drive down the road. He definitely should be making OP and the kids feel bad about it by moaning and being stroppy. It's not how the OP saw her day panning out either, but like a grown up she just got on with it.

unstable type 1 diabetes is one of the best reasons I’ve heard on Mumsnet for not driving (presumably there have been many posters who haven’t been explicit about their condition) last year in a town near me a man drove into a cafe and killed several people, due to a diabetic hypo.

Sounds like a misunderstanding. If you planned for him to wait around whilst you took DD in then why didn’t you just ask him to take her to the appointment?

Ignore the snide comments re driving.
I don't drive, I live with epilepsy and I would far rather someone (rarely because I don't ask) gave me a lift than take any lives behind the wheel.

This is only one example, so maybe in other cases it's him, but in this case I think you are the unreasonable one. If you said "can you please drop us at the doctor's at 3, DD isn't well enough to walk" and you know that he's meant to be working, then I'd be assuming that he could drop you off and go unless you specifically asked him to also sit there in the car and watch DS until you're finished as well? I think a lot of people would be quite stressed if they are meant to be working from home and they are going to be late for a meeting when they don't have permission to be taking time away from work to do family tasks. If he's fine 98% of the time then I think he's allowed to be annoyed at things every so often, and I can see why he'd be a bit annoyed when he is working and you are off that day but it's still taking both of you to manage a doctor appointment.

Seems like a miscommunication over who was responsible for what but his reaction was not helpful.
I also had to have a chat with my partner this weekend about him getting angry over a pond... apparently his back hurt but he didn't tell me this so when I asked him to do something with the pond he got angry (or so I thought), much to my bewilderment. We had to have a serious chat about communicating. Seems like you need your husband to do the same. He may not realise what his non verbal communication is telling you with his actions.

And all he had to do in this situation was say "I've got a call so I'll drop you off and come back and get you later. Who's taking the youngest?" Most workplaces with wfh policies are very relaxed about this sort of stuff now, my colleagues take calls while on school run or with kids there if they have to, it's not a big deal, unless you're presenting or something.

I asked if he could give us a lift, to which he agreed.

He should have said he was driving you there, you shouldn't have to ask when you have a sick child, can't drive and when it's as hot as today! He didn't offer because he sees it as your problem, not his.
😞

OP, growing up my dad was like this and it wasn't pleasant for us kids. Knowing he would blow up, walking on egg shells etc. tense atmosphere at home. Definitely made me not want to be at home and I left as soon as I could.

I know it's not intentional but it does sound like emotional abuse. he needs to get therapy and work through these reactions because it's not fair on you or the kids.

And no, he's not a good dad if he's having these outbursts and upsetting you all, even if he's "good" the rest of the time.

Also, I know this isn't the point of your post, but could you move to a closer GP surgery at all? Because needing to drive there, when you are unable to drive to your diabetes, doesn't sound like a good solution for anyone.

Your dh was Working from home and had a meeting. You were not working, it is on you to organise!If your husband had to work in the office what would you have done? You need to get an uber.

He looks very nice though!

I don't think he probably looked very nice when swearing under his breath and ranting at the OP!

Did he need to act like a third child that needed placating though?

OPs words:

He just seems unable to deal with any kind of adversity without acting like some kind of tyrant, and frankly a third child that needs extra parenting and placating rather than a team mate.

He’s not really doing these things though, is he? If he loved his kids beyond measure, he would have been ready to take you all to the doctor on time.

If he was attentive and practical, he would have arranged the visit to the doctor as he has a car.

And he let you down on the day of the appointment.

So you say he has these amazing qualities, but they are not apparent.

Ah, that’s not what you said earlier.

Haha! Maybe I mean from the POV of the non-office attender …

Yeah, I did read the posts. She asked him to take them. As she doesn’t drive he didn’t have much choice. Then when he was pissed off about having to log off (OP hasn’t acknowledged that he was AT WORK and it was possibly stressful for him just to up and leave) she offered to leave the toddler behind.

Great! So his choice was to a) try and do his job (including a meeting) with a hyperactive 2yo in the background or b) drive them to the doctors.

He didn’t have a great choice did he?