To think people should stop pretending they don’t care?

How do you know they aren’t being honest, though, @SnugShaker?

We are all different, and don’t necessarily all feel the same way.

You’d probably think that about me. Im not cool or emotionally shut down or whatever other insulting thing you said, I just don’t wear my heart on my sleeve and am very pragmatic. At the very most I’ll give DH a hug or watch the dog house and have a cry in private but other than I just want to get on with things. I absolutely don’t want to sit and wallow in shit stuff or cry or talk to people about ‘feelings’ because it doesn’t help, it makes me feel worse.

An example is that I have a long term health condition and so many people seem to want me to get upset about it but I would rather just find a way to adjust to it, it’s not going anywhere and I can’t change it so I need to work out how to live with it.

Meh, Catherine Tate though, innit?

I think I can explain this attitude. I grew up in an enmeshed miserable family. We were all in an awful pressure cooker environment and forced to be together. Because of this, I like having people in my life, but I’m also happy to not have people in my life. It means that someone really has to slot in with my personality perfectly to make it worthwhile for me to invest, because close relationships can be as distressing as they can be rewarding.
So I would be one of these people who love having friends, but if one of those friends decided to dump me, I would totally be ok with it, because being alone brings as much happiness as being with people.

This is interesting. Because I'd say if people are not feeling comfortable inw hat should be safe spaces or with close friends, that says more about those spaces or those friendships.

I had a friend once who meant well, but tended to think she had all the answers. And sometimes it was easier not to tell her things.

If it's genuine, it's a very free and easy way to live. There's very little I care about because most of it is not in my control anyway. I just enjoy each day as it comes. I don't care what other people think of me because if they don't like me, they don't have to be in my life and vice versa.

But if you are pretending not to care then that seems pointless I agree as no-one else cares what you think anyway.

But in what context? So, if I have lost a friend and it hurts, I'm not going to be hoenst about that on the school run with random women I a) don't know that well or b) who are friends with her. I don't want to be that vulnerable and/or give anyone ammunition.

I WOULD be honest about it on here - no one knows me - or with DH or with a very close friend.

I don't expect every person I know to be completely honest with me about how devastated they are that yet another date from an app didn't work out. I, personally, would like to think I'd be sympathetic and understanding, but I completely get that they don't wnat to discuss tha twith me.

I sort of understand OP especially in relation to being viewed as weak or embarrassed by caring. I think it is a quite a British thing to feign indifference. Maybe linked to the old stiff upper lip.As a child if I said I didn’t care my late DM used to say ‘don’t care was made to care’.As I get older I do genuinely care a lot less about things that I cared about when younger.

Tbh, I’m more bothered by people who virtue signal and pretend to care about things that don’t affect them in the slightest. People taking offence at every turn, or, worse, taking offence on behalf of someone else.
There are lots of Qs on here with people asking ‘should I be bothered about this?’ ‘Should I report this?’ ‘ Is this rude?’ etc.
Please, stop looking for reasons to be unhappy or create drama!

Opcan you give some examples?

Some people don’t care as a kind of self defence. It’s not always about being a nob.

Are you doing a psychology degree?

No
I think this is a you issue given that most of us have no idea what you aare talking about!

Where is this 'trend'?
In your head I think because -meh!
Who the hell cares?

I agree, it is up to you how you deal with your own issues, but telling somebody else how to feel about theirs? Not okay at all.

I really dislike seeing "it's not that deep" about things that really are upsetting someone or do matter. Like trying to enforce apathy.

I think a lot of it is cultural pressures, especially on women.

Some of the biggest decisions of our entire lives, who we choose to marry and have kids with, we're conditioned into having to sit back and just wait and see. Don't scare a man off by talking about commitment! You don't want to coerce someone into marriage right? So don't pressure him to propose! Sit back and wait indefinitely until he decides he wants to propose to you. Same with kids. You're supposed to not scare someone off too soon talking about all of that. It's seen as pretty crazy too if you actively try for a baby. When we were ready to try we got so much 'don't sweat it, just have fun, relax, it'll happen', and people thought I was ridiculous for monitoring ovulation and timing sex etc., I guess in case I scared the egg away!?

I think it filters down into a lot of things. Some people are so insecure they're scared of showing they care about someone cos then the other person has ammunition and can hurt them. So it's easier to just pretend to be nonchalant so nobody can get to you on anything, or remove something you care about.

Being passionate about stuff is seen as being quite nerdy or 'full on'.

For all MN will encourage women to be open about what they want and 'just propose to him ffs' there are still very real and impactful cultural pressures at play.

I agree with pp that it can be a shield for people, to enable them to cope with what life throws at them. I read a book once, it was called 'The Subtle Art of not giving a Fuck.' Sometimes it is best not to sweat the small stuff. I realise this doesn't apply to everything though op.

Yes, I think there's a trick to getting it right.

There's a lot I don't care about that others do, and a lot I do care about that other people don't. We're all different.