Stepdaughter and Daughter's Wedding

This is awful, I feel for OP and her daughter. DH has backtracked on walking his DSD down the aisle a few months before her wedding, just awful.
His daughter clearly had her own feelings about this but it was not her decision to make or interfere with as it was already decided.
My father walked my cousin down the aisle in the absence of her own father, she asked him and he was honored to do it ,and I was proud that he stepped up on her special day.
This is awful jealous behavior from DH's daughter.

There's lots of jealously involved in siblings and step siblings by rhe osunds of it. Rooted from when they were kids.

Their step sister got their bio dad full time basically like a replacement dad (in their eyes) while they not only had to share him with step sister but they only had him part of the time too. I'm guessing this is the root and then their dad acting as father of the bride brings back all the childhood jealously.

They don't hate your dd or you - there's just lots of complicated emotions from being kids of separate parents and having to share a parent.

I don't think anyone would want their dad to be father of the bride to a step sibling first before them

This is so blown out of proportion. Why don't you walk your daughter down the aisle, that makes more sense and is nicer anyway. Problem solved.

You can't make a child feel unwelcome and then use them not staying at your house as an excuse to treat them badly later

@Anxioustealady I suspect this is the crux of it

Same. Poor OP and her daughter. But I can't bring myself to see stepdaughter in a negative light. She clearly feels replaced and I'm sure this is a reflection of all of that.

Is he going to do a speech, or is that vetoed too ?

Honestly. Is the daughter getting married, what if she doesn't ?

Your H could tell her, that it's too late to play the rejected daughter, when she hasn't wanted to stay at your house over the years.
The failure of his marriage to her mother, was not Your or your daughter's fault.

In fact, he can tell dd he thinks its best to walk no-one does the aisle, that way the hurt, selfishness & pain she has meted out, can bounce back into her lap.

As opposed to bowing down to what OP wants? At what point does he get credited for having his own mind?

It’s not OP’s wedding. It’s up to her daughter to decide if she wants to disinvite them or not, not OP.

There are people on this thread who have posted that OPs daughter and her stepdad arent family so it doesnt matter if he doesnt give her away.
Yet next min its a different tune gets hummed when its suggested that the SD doesnt come to the wedding. You cant have it both ways

Because he is choosing to bow down to his silly spiteful adult daughter and cares nil about how heartbroken the op daughters is . That’s why !

Your poor dd, what a mean thing for step daughter it say and do. It’s absolutely not like she is choosing a step father over her dad because a- her dad is alive and b - she has a relationship with him. Neither of these apply to your dd! So it’s not the same at all. How unkind.

Op , can I give you an advice? Make sure you have a will and your husband clearly just bends down for his bio children and if you pass away first your child will be left with nothing if it comes to his choice . I honestly can’t grasp how anyone is defending your step daughter , as she is just spiteful . Take care of your child first , he clearly is doing simply that without caring about your daughter so at least do the same

Ridiculous. Are you always this much of a bloody drama queen?

Ask them not to come . In fact tell your husband , he owes your daughter as much so he can uninvite them .

For heaven’s sake, why? The OP’s daughter is a grown woman - if she no longer wants her stepsister there, SHE can tell her. Why would OP make a difficult situation worse by trying to force her husband to make an unnecessary intervention?

It’s horrible for you, I couldn’t come back from this.
Jealous, selfish, 33 year old baby

Nobody in this story comes across as being reasonable.

It’s not ‘ridiculous’, and based on a minuscule snap shot of someone’s life, doesn’t justify you describing a stranger as ‘vile’. I’ve given my life experience, you’ve give yours which is different, and neither of us know what experience growing up that the stepdaughter has had. OP has given us her version of a happy blended family, with no issues when they were growing up - that’s how OP might have perceived it, but it doesn’t make it true. Her husband should always put his daughter first above any none blood relative. Should the marriage with OP break down, it’s pretty likely he won’t have any relationship with OPs daughter at all. Yet his daughter will always be part of his life.

Your SD is a spoilt little bitch.

I was your DD in a similar scenario though my (S)dad wasn’t given an ultimatum, my ss did have a strop about something he said in his father of the bride speech (not sure what) and didn’t talk to him again. Her loss, not his. Yes he was upset but he died before they could ever reconcile. That was on her not him.

I do know that if he had have been given an ultimatum, he would have still walked me down the aisle and given exactly the same speech.

If your dh gives in to sd on this, what will be the next demand?

I do feel for you dh, he’s been out in a terrible position, but did he give in to all her toddler demands? She may be hurt and upset, but tough shit. He can still walk her down the aisle and give a great speech at her wedding if she ever gets married.

I’d be able to forgive your Dh (eventually) but I’d never forgive your sd. From your opening post she sounded like a teenager, not a grown woman who should know better.

OP, imo you need to walk away from this awful family. They have zero respect for your daughter, they have never had respect for your daughter.

What’s going to happen when she starts having children? Is your stepdaughter going to kick off and cry down her legs if your DH gets called grandad?

Walk away.

It really isn’t ‘ridiculous’. You have a minuscule snapshot on someone’s life based on a one sided story. Neither of us know near enough to qualify labelling a stranger ‘vile’. I told a story from my life experience/perspective. You had a different experience. What experience his daughter had, we’ve no idea. Of course OP is going to paint this picture of how the family blended well, and everyone got on fabulously with each other growing up - and that’s how OP perceived it; doesn’t make it true though….

Uninviting his children may very well mean that he doesn’t go either. Which is fine if she doesn’t want him there obviously, but if she does then it would be an issue.

They may have no intention to attend anyway.

100% the DH would expect OP to lie or think up a lie himself. Personally I'd be univiting the stepchildren no way should they especially the SD get to sit there gloating and enjoying a front row seat to see what she's done.

I simply cannot understand a grown woman behaving like this towards another woman who has simply asked the man they both love, to walk her down the aisle.

Your SD isn't a nice person, she is spiteful and manipulative. I would absolutely uninvite her and the brother. They won't be attending with good energy or intentions so the very least they can do now, is stay the fuck away from your DD's wedding.

I think your H is a weak ineffectual coward. I wouldn't be able to look at him, let alone stay married to him.

There are a few posters really bending themselves out of shape on here, defending the step daughter. Odd, because what she has done is malicious and cruel, designed to put OP's daughter back in her place.

I wouldn't want to be around these people again.

I admit to not having read everything - a lot going on here. Yes, blended families are hard and I don’t think you losing your shit has helped. But honestly, accepting what is essentially blackmail and not walking your daughter down the line is poor form. Grow a strong pair, explain that you will be honouring your commitment to walk your step daughter down the aisle and deal with the fall out. Don’t accept your adult child and former partner blackmail you.

Your step daughter is a twat.