Stepdaughter and Daughter's Wedding

You need to stay out of this as much as possible. Clearly your stepdaughter has a lot of complex feeling about her dad and their relationship. This is something you can’t fix, your DH needs to step up and get to the bottom of why she is feeling so upset and try and work on their relationship.

Secondly, I would suggest you walking your DD down the aisle. It is by far the most sensible option in the circumstances.

Finally, I can’t believe you would threaten divorce over this. You should be trying to keep everything calm for your DD’s sake, not fanning the flames.

Walk her down the aisle yourself.

He is her stepdad, and that's bound to have been hard for his daughter through the years too.

This is how it's manifested itself.

The op can either be pissed off and divorce her husband, or she can try and make things easier for him.

Being livid won't change a thing.

A modern woman doesn't need to be given away by a man, FFS. Just let your daughter walk down the aisle solo/with bridesmaids/with her fiance. There doesn't need to be all this ridiculous drama.

Yes exactly - he lived with and was dad to your daughter. He probably saw more of your daughter than his own.

That's what is causing this. Years of hurt and upset for his daughter.

How old is this horrible stepdaughter? What the hell is wrong with her? Unless there is a backstory where your DD made her life a living hell during their younger years, I would hope that your DH tells her to go whistle. I am not sure I’d leave him over it though.

I think you're very wrong to issue your husband with an ultimatum like this. You're adults, you're supposed to love each other and be a partnership, so you sit and talk it over and find a solution. Talk with your daughter also.

If it were me I'd be doing whatever I could to help my husband, not fight with him. I'd suggest that you escort your daughter and that your husband makes a loving and proud speech at the reception. That way you both take an important part in the wedding and no one's nose is put out of joint.

I think you as her mum should walk her down the aisle. You have been there through thick and thin therefore I think younshould do it. Your husband can maybe give a father of the bride speech?

What happened to you take on the kids when you marry and treat them as your own! Op and her child are a package!! OP DH has raised this child and his daughter is ridiculous.

I don't blame OP for issuing an ultimatum. Id do the same in her position. You don't get to push one child to the side for another. The step daughter needs to grow up.

Don’t make this an issue that splits your family up. Your stepdaughter is jealous. She doesn’t want your daughter to get her dad to walk her down the aisle first. She is being unreasonable but at the same time I would try to respect her feelings and come up
with a solution. As others have suggested you being the one to walk your daughter down the aisle could
be the solution.

He didn't just live with her, he was her stepdad. She didn't see birth family because she had her stepdad.
I'd be livid if my partner, who is stepdad to my DCs, just dropped them even though they also have a dad. I'm part of a longterm package.

Do a Meghan Markle and have her met halfway down the aisle?

I’m not impressed with the step daughter and her ultimatum but I’m even less impressed with your suggestion that you’ll divorce your husband over this!

That’s awful.

The idea of you accompanying your daughter down the aisle is beautiful (well done to that PP).

don’t give her away though - yuck. She’s not an object or a possession to transfer from one family to another.

Your SD is being unreasonably, but you expecting your DH to give up his relationship with his own DD to do this is unreasonable on your behalf. TBH in your shoes, I’d walk my DD down the aisle to keep the peace. It’s not your DH’s fault his DD is being a bitch but sometimes you have to be the bigger person. I’m sure your DD wouldn’t want your DH to do this and forfeit his relationship with his own DD

My initial thoughts were what a cow sdd is but I suspect your sdd feels as though she lost her dd to your dd and has feelings of resentment.

I know my DH has often felt left out when his Df moved in with a woman and her 2 children and became a family unit. Dh was always an outsider.

You poor DH though.

Why don't you compromise.

You walk her down the aisle. Dh meets you at the end and you both walk her to the final point.

He needs to speak to his dd and find out what the problem is.

how important is it to your dd?

personally my response would be to tell sd that if he can walk who he likes down whatever aisle he wants. He can also choose not to. If she wants him walking her down the aisle he’ll also be walking dd down. Both or none.

sd can’t dictate other people’s relationships.

I kind of get where ops step daughter is coming from.

She's had to watch her dad live with another girl of a similar age, while she gets him part time, and when she was there she would have had to share him.

She wants this moment to be something special just between her and her dad, something she hasn't had to share with her step sister.

I don't necessarily agree with it, but I do understand it.

Or this, just say to her you would love to be the one walking her down, it’s more appropriate anyway.

Being given away is a horrible tradition anyway, I walked down the aisle with my husband - maybe you could suggest that to her? It doesn’t have to be the catalyst for divorce

I know understand why your DH and his daughter aren't talking about this? (Why her mother?).

He is essentially being emotionally blackmailed by his own daughter. I doubt there could be any logical reason for her request.
Their relationship will never be the same now anyway given her behaviour but I understand he's in a horrible position.

What's your daughter's view on this as her view is more important than yours right now?

So your SD is upset because her dad is going to walk her step sister down the aisle? I don't really understand this unless there's some massive backstory between your DD and your SD?

I don't have any step siblings, but there are at least two women I can think of who are friends of mine/my siblings' who might have asked my dad to walk them down the aisle. And honestly, I wouldn't have blinked an eye but been pleased that they felt they could ask this of him.

Has your DH spoken to his daughter? At face value I would find this manipulative of her.
In the circumstances i honestly wouldn’t cause anymore further drama that’s what step D maybe after, Id walk my own DD down the aisle.
How has your dd taken the news?

If he truly was acting as your DD dad he would have refused to be put in that position by his ex & other DD; his other DD would need to get over her jealousy. His other DD could pull this act in the future to control his behaviour with your DD (stopping him seeing GC etc). He's the one who needs to say he has 2 DDs.

can't DD and her husband to be just walk together? who needs to be 'given away' anyway nowadays

Absolutely.
She's not a possession to be given from one man to another.

Ask your daughter if you can walk her down the aisle.

He's been there, been supportive to you and her by the sounds of it, and he's been issued with an ultimatum by his child, now is your chance to make his life a bit easier rather than force him into a choice between you and your child, or his own child. Nobody will win in that situation.