Stepdaughter and Daughter's Wedding

His daughter and family are being daft but have probably got him over a barrel.
I totally understand how upset you must be as I would be too but this might be the time to be a bigger person and walk your daughter down the aisle yourself. A few of my friends have done this for their daughters.
Will husband do a speech or is he banned from that also?

Put his biological child and his step son in extreme danger at the same time… I’d put a lot of money on your husband prioritising saving his biological son first.

YANBU for feeling upset, angry, hurt etc or for worrying about how your daughter will feel.

YABU for emotionally blackmailing a man who is already being emotionally blackmailed.

You want him to accept that his daughter will disown him and just pick your daughter over SD. That is hugely unreasonable.

You should walk her down the aisle

Do you realise people can love their step kids as their own right ? My husband has a step son from
his previous marriage that he lived since he was 4 until he was 14 , this now adult young men is just as part of our life’s as his biological son , treated as his son , loved like his son , when questioned how many sons he has he says 2 not 1 . His love is no different.

You are not unreasonable to be upset. It seems a very strange stance from your stepdaughter. I think you are going too far to say you’d divorce your husband though. None of this is of his doing and he sounds as upset as any of you. Your first instinct is to protect your child, you must understand he also wants to protect his relationship with his child. Agree with others, give your daughter away yourself. It is more meaningful anyway as her primary parent.

Evil? 😂😂😂

In your eyes maybe it does, but the fact remains that he is neither legally nor biologically her father, and when it came down to him having to choose, he chose his daughter. That would suggest that no, he didn’t and doesn’t consider them to be the same in his eyes.

She hasn’t given her dad any ultimatum.

She’s told her mother and clearly brother that if her dad does this thing she’s done with him.

They have relayed it to him.

This is clearly a camels back not a horrible brat situation. She’s fed up of being the second best daughter when she’s actually his only daughter.

This is about his relationship with his daughter. You say he's like a dad to your DD, but what is his relationship and history like with his own DD? Why couldn't she have this conversation with him herself? Does she feel she has been replaced by your DD and if so is she justified in feeling that way?

Do you flakes this is a very grownup woman right ? Not a child or a teen ? It is evil to give her dad this ultimatum

it is the same thing for me and clearly it was , until now , the same for the step daughter . 22 years in a child life imo makes them a child no matter what dna they have .

Evil? Seriously? 🙄

How does she have 2 parents pandering to her when one has had to go through the awkward process of inviting their ex round because they were so worried about her and the other had to go to the pub when confronted with the reality that he has allowed his daughter to feel insecure, hurt and jealous because of his choices and lack of action?

If I was about to blindly do something that hurt my child, I’d be thankful for someone telling me.

while I can imagine this is upsetting - asking him to choose between his daughter and your opinion is not very fair.

Nor should he be. She and her brother should be his no.1 and should have been since the day they were born.

Evil? Seriously? 🙄

How does she have 2 parents pandering to her when one has had to go through the awkward process of inviting their ex round because they were so worried about her and the other had to go to the pub when confronted with the reality that he has allowed his daughter to feel insecure, hurt and jealous because of his choices and lack of action?

That isn’t the situation here. She doesn’t have a sister, and her dad only has one daughter.

There’s a difference between doing it for your biological sisters before you and doing it for a child who the daughter may feel she already lost so much of her father to don’t you think?

he doesn’t need to do this, her mother can walk her down the aisle, make a speech, do the dance etc.

Because she does 🤷🏻‍♀️

She’s his daughter, he loves her, and he’s not willing to lose his relationship with her for the sake of walking OP’s DD down the aisle.

She may be a spoilt brat who believes she should get everything her way (although I suspect that if this were the case, her father would never have acted as a father to OP’s DD for fear of upsetting her in the first place), or she may have spent her life feeling replaced in her father’s affections by the girl he acted as a full time father to. We don’t know. Regardless, she feels as she feels, and her father isn’t willing to lose her.

Agreed.

His child experienced her parents splitting up. DD may have had her bio father leave her but DH has been a full him live in father figure to her. Meanwhile SD has a part time dad.

Out of interest @CopperWhitehad the friend you borrowed the father from for your wedding been married already? Just wondering had he already done those traditional ‘firsts’ like walking down the aisle, FOB speech, father/daughter dance etc with her already?

I agree with a lot of what you say. I also believe that the biological daughter has behaved atrociously, that ultimatums are a particularly low and cruel form of emotional blackmail, and that anyone who makes one fully deserves to have it backfire. Probably the right thing to do is refuse to capitulate and say he's sorry about any decisions she makes, but these are fully her choice and he hopes she'll come around. Or, better still, take her mother out of the picture and have a proper, heart-to-heart talk with her and get to the root of whatever may be behind this attitude. Ultimately, however, this decision would have to be his.

'Do what I want or I'll go NC' is cruel and grubby, and this is what this man's daughter and now his wife have done to him. DD's behaviour was awful (that's assuming her mother is being completely truthful), but OP has now hit him with precisely the same (no less awful) behaviour. He must feel as though his head's on backwards, and either way he's damned to lose someone dear to him. He must wonder if either of them actually loves him. I'm sorry for the poor bloke.

To me, however, the whole thing is moot, as I can't abide the silly social diktat that a woman requires walking into her new marriage by a male relation. Fair enough if that really is what some want, but it's as though the option of walking in alone or with her mother, the woman who actually gave birth to her, doesn't even occur to them.

It's 2025.

I think you're being unreasonable not giving more details. Did you get together from an affair? How is the relationship between the children? Does he have a good relationship with his daughter? They all make a difference to the responses.
You're immature and emotionally manipulative threatening to divorce him.

I have a sister , so you think it will
be less special because my dad did it before ? I doubt it ! In fact I know it won’t . I have 3 kids and I loved them equality in every milestone of their life and I’m just as excited with every milestone doesn’t matter if it was from my oldest or my youngest

Has this been fact checked? Is this coming from the ex or the dd?

@WickedMotherofthebride your h needs to speak to his dd.

he also needs to tell her that ultimatums don’t work and she has no right to demand what anyone does.

but I think you should walk her down the aisle.