Stepdaughter and Daughter's Wedding

There is a history of the step children declining to stay, the cruel quips about B-Tech Betty and now this demand... I would guess they have disliked the OP's dd since first meeting.

I do not lack imagination, I lack tolerance for petty bull shit.

You invest a lot of time in these threads @InterIgnis. I have recognised your name all over another similar thread too recently.

Even if pp's are making comparisons that aren't entirely the same, I suspect they are a lot more genuine on this that you are being. Just a hunch.

Because he’d be sharing a special father-daughter moment with someone that isn’t his daughter. It has a deeper meaning for her than it does for you, clearly. That OP’s daughter fatherless is irrelevant, it doesn’t mean her stepdaughter is required to be okay with him doing that.

You failing to comprehend that her motivations could be anything other than spite and/or a desire to sabotage and control reflects only a lack of imagination on your part. Not even OP thinks this is about spite, and she actually knows the girl.

These posts from people trying to be all no nonsense saying “Well DH and I would NEVER stand for that from our kids - they would be told straight!” make me laugh. Because they’re all immediately caveated with “But of course, my kids would never behave like that”. So if you’re 99% certain this situation would never happen to you, how do you actually know how you’d handle it?

I reckon a lot of you might feel very differently if your child actually told you they’d be really hurt by this, to the point of it being a deal breaker.

I guess I feel sorry for DD. Her dad died and she has to watch her stepdad doing all the fatherly things with his dd, driving home the point she doesn’t have a dad.

my dad died as a child. These events which he should be there for, my wedding, my child, hit hard.

i didn’t want to walk down the aisle on my own. I didn’t want to walk with my mum either. If you’re going traditional, wrongly or rightly, this just seemed wrong. I have no brothers, no uncles I’m close to. They have their own kids anyway so from this thread it would have been a massive no no to ask them.

so right from the start I couldn’t have the wedding I wanted. We ended up at Gretna green with strangers as witnesses. I still mourn the lovely church wedding and wedding dress I never got to have.

i have missed out on so much with no dad. If the SD can’t see that she is lucky to still have a living dad and has no empathy for her step sibling, well it’s not someone I’d want a relationship with.

i know it’s not top trumps in these situations but come on, I’d have gone for my dad leaving over dying every day.

And another child watching the other have a relationship with both her biological mum and dad. Which she doesn’t and can never have.

I understand the step sister may be pissed off, but she doesn’t appear have one scrap of empathy for a child who has lost her father as a teenager.

maybe she should think for one second how she’d feel if her dad had died.

And another child watching the other have a relationship with both her biological mum and dad. Which she doesn’t and can never have.

I understand the step sister may be pissed off, but she doesn’t appear have one scrap of empathy for a child who has lost her father as a teenager.

maybe she should think for one second how she’d feel if her dad had died.

Yep! What we have here is a child who didn't get to live with her father whilst another child did. A man living with his DC and DSC and doing a good job with both is not the same thing.

Personally, I am baffled why anyone thinks DH is relegating his own DD to a lower status by simply walking the fatherless woman, he has helped raise, down the aisle.

Again, I really hope the OP's daughter uninvites the noxious SD and sibling.

The excuses trotted out over the feelings of the SD are stretches at best. This is about spite and exerting complete control over part of an event they wish to sabotage.

If either of my daughters behaved like this I would laugh and suggest they take themselves off for a proper think. However, I am certain that they aren't capable of this level of malice over what is, just a nice gesture.

Having discussed this post with my hubby ( he is a step dad to my daughter since she was 3 and we have another daughter together) he looked at me like if I was crazy for even asking . In his words if this was ever an issue then he would put her right in his place and would be told to get over herself . There is no way he would tolerate this level of blackmail but as you say none of our kids or stepkids would do this . They all have been brought up better and if they did then they would have the consequences for it .

Also a lot of them are misunderstanding the situation and comparing it to themselves and their cousins, or older stepsister, when they were raised with their dad living with them full time. So completely irrelevant!

I think its lovely too, But im merely pointing out that the rest of the world doesnt think the same way that MN feminists do Im simply being realistic

These posts from people trying to be all no nonsense saying “Well DH and I would NEVER stand for that from our kids - they would be told straight!” make me laugh. Because they’re all immediately caveated with “But of course, my kids would never behave like that”. So if you’re 99% certain this situation would never happen to you, how do you actually know how you’d handle it?

I reckon a lot of you might feel very differently if your child actually told you they’d be really hurt by this, to the point of it being a deal breaker.

Having discussed this post with my hubby ( he is a step dad to my daughter since she was 3 and we have another daughter together) he looked at me like if I was crazy for even asking . In his words if this was ever an issue then he would put her right in his place and would be told to get over herself . There is no way he would tolerate this level of blackmail but as you say none of our kids or stepkids would do this . They all have been brought up better and if they did then they would have the consequences for it .

It’s in the o/p

At 15 a strange man arrived at the door wanting me to talk to him without my daughter present., obviously I wouldn't but my husband went out. It was the husband of my daughter's aunt to tell us that her dad had died

Having discussed this post with my hubby ( he is a step dad to my daughter since she was 3 and we have another daughter together) he looked at me like if I was crazy for even asking . In his words if this was ever an issue then he would put her right in his place and would be told to get over herself . There is no way he would tolerate this level of blackmail but as you say none of our kids or stepkids would do this . They all have been brought up better and if they did then they would have the consequences for it .

@Whatsgoingonherethenagain I don't think the DD dad has died, he is just not in her life.
From what I interpret, it's the SD who had to watch her dad doing things with the DD.

Personally, I am baffled why anyone thinks DH is relegating his own DD to a lower status by simply walking the fatherless woman, he has helped raise, down the aisle.

Again, I really hope the OP's daughter uninvites the noxious SD and sibling.

The excuses trotted out over the feelings of the SD are stretches at best. This is about spite and exerting complete control over part of an event they wish to sabotage.

If either of my daughters behaved like this I would laugh and suggest they take themselves off for a proper think. However, I am certain that they aren't capable of this level of malice over what is, just a nice gesture.

I guess I feel sorry for DD. Her dad died and she has to watch her stepdad doing all the fatherly things with his dd, driving home the point she doesn’t have a dad.

my dad died as a child. These events which he should be there for, my wedding, my child, hit hard.

i didn’t want to walk down the aisle on my own. I didn’t want to walk with my mum either. If you’re going traditional, wrongly or rightly, this just seemed wrong. I have no brothers, no uncles I’m close to. They have their own kids anyway so from this thread it would have been a massive no no to ask them.

so right from the start I couldn’t have the wedding I wanted. We ended up at Gretna green with strangers as witnesses. I still mourn the lovely church wedding and wedding dress I never got to have.

i have missed out on so much with no dad. If the SD can’t see that she is lucky to still have a living dad and has no empathy for her step sibling, well it’s not someone I’d want a relationship with.

i know it’s not top trumps in these situations but come on, I’d have gone for my dad leaving over dying every day.

I guess I feel sorry for DD. Her dad died and she has to watch her stepdad doing all the fatherly things with his dd, driving home the point she doesn’t have a dad.

my dad died as a child. These events which he should be there for, my wedding, my child, hit hard.

i didn’t want to walk down the aisle on my own. I didn’t want to walk with my mum either. If you’re going traditional, wrongly or rightly, this just seemed wrong. I have no brothers, no uncles I’m close to. They have their own kids anyway so from this thread it would have been a massive no no to ask them.

so right from the start I couldn’t have the wedding I wanted. We ended up at Gretna green with strangers as witnesses. I still mourn the lovely church wedding and wedding dress I never got to have.

i have missed out on so much with no dad. If the SD can’t see that she is lucky to still have a living dad and has no empathy for her step sibling, well it’s not someone I’d want a relationship with.

i know it’s not top trumps in these situations but come on, I’d have gone for my dad leaving over dying every day.

I guess it's because I feel sorry for SD. It must be really hard to lose your Dad and see him playing happy families with someone else. Adults are messed up later in life over much more trivial things than this. This really demonstrates there are some major underlying issues that haven't been resolved. It was also the OPs way she spoke of the whole situation and about SD. Initially I did think SD was a bitch, and I still think it's sad she couldn't be the bigger person but I wonder how your upbringing was to end up like that 🤷🏼‍♀️

Personally, I am baffled why anyone thinks DH is relegating his own DD to a lower status by simply walking the fatherless woman, he has helped raise, down the aisle.

Again, I really hope the OP's daughter uninvites the noxious SD and sibling.

The excuses trotted out over the feelings of the SD are stretches at best. This is about spite and exerting complete control over part of an event they wish to sabotage.

If either of my daughters behaved like this I would laugh and suggest they take themselves off for a proper think. However, I am certain that they aren't capable of this level of malice over what is, just a nice gesture.