To think that marriage is mostly about financial security and love is just the sales pitch?

They’re not expected to do everything. The ones that do just married shit men. None of my friends’ husbands are anything like the horrors you read about on MN.

You wouldn’t marry someone you’re not in love with.

You can have a loving relationship without having to get married.

I would marry someone I loved just purely based on the fact that I really loved them

I suspect more understanding of the implications attached to both marriage and unmarried cohabitation would lead to different decisions being taken on both sides of the spectrum.

Wish I’d read this before getting married 4 years ago. The process of divorce really has been a rude awakening, leaving me worse off than when I was single.

Agreed, so people should look in to marriage if financially it protects all vulnerable parties. DP and I co-own our house legally as joint tenants, so if I die he legally inherits my half of the house. I can’t leave it to anyone else in a Will without legally severing the tenancy first so he is secure. We don’t own any other assets.

property rights are not as well protected without marriage.. You can be disinherited for example, or if one dies intestate...

A friend of mine just got engaged after 10 years of being together and it prompted me to think about my own relationship. I don’t need financial security, I have plenty of savings, good pension, own my own home. I would love to be married, but it did make me think. I want the romance, I want my partner to be bowled over by me, want to marry me and get on with it.

If it takes him 10 years, then it is very much a formality and I don’t need formal. I want the love and romance and for him to be sure I am the one- I think for me 2 years to engagement tops. He has nothing to offer me financially, after 5 years for me it has lost the romance and I wouldn’t want it.

I married the person I love and wanted (and still do fortunately!) to spend the rest of my life with. The reason we married was the legal contract. And we married before having kids. I certainly wouldn’t want to be married to someone I didn’t love!!!

A better way of putting it, I think, is that marriage (and CP) have a monopoly on certain aspects of financial security. You can't have those things without the institution, whereas you can have love and commitment without it.

However, some people are more financially secure without being married. The majority of women aren't, hence the focus on this women's board, but it's important to point out that it doesn't matter what's best for the median woman if you aren't the median woman.

And we'd all be better off if we thought critically about finances and practicalities not just when considering marriage, but also when considering cohabitation without marriage.

Marriage isn't a sign of a good relationship or how committed people are in reality or how likely they are to stay together.

There aremassive legal and financial differences between cohabitation and marriage however.

I can’t speak for everyone - but mine is very much a love situation. We were very young when we got together and both broke. My husband was £3000 into his student loan by the time he graduated. We had ups and downs and stable now but it wasn’t always the case.

Because they get to procreate, which men can't do on their own. They also used to get free childcare (wife), a tidy house (wife) and meals on the table (wife). Now, women are expected to do everything - work full time, pay bills, have children, do childcare, clean, cook and run the house. It's not a good deal anymore, so I'd absolutely encourage women not to marry for some sentimental rubbish like love and be more hard headed about it. After reading about some of the dreadful specimens some women end up with, I'd rather remain single if I was starting out now.

Yep, agreed. At least, most of the successful marriages are like that.

It’s very much a legal contract. It doesn’t benefit either DP or I to get married so we haven’t. We still love each other very much though, and if we would benefit from the inheritance tax breaks you get when married, we would do it.

I think if more people understood the financial implications of marriage and divorce, they’d think a lot more carefully about it. It’s still sold to women as romance and commitment, and something they have to passively wait to be asked by a man.

in theory im guessing religious wise they never presumed people would devoice, but modern times human nature being as it is im not sure the purpose any more

My dad told me don't marry someone you wouldn't go into business with!
We’re doing okay - 30yrs this autumn!

Basically yes. It's got nothing to do with love. It's a legal contract.

Seems a bit one sided. You could wonder why the majority of men whose wife are sahm or worked very part time married them!