To shriek from the rooftops that there is No Such Thing as “preferred pronouns”?

Many of the pronoun police would be outraged at being called them.

They've been outraged by it for years and demand to be called She!

We aren't responsible for anyone's dyshporia. We can protect our own mental health and boundaries . We can be respectful and say "I can't call you she/her, but I will use your name or they/them as.a compromise. "

I'm kind as anyone else. But I'm not an emotional support poodle for someone's offended feelings.

But that's not what people call themselves, that would be something like I or me; they are asking others to use those terms

I don't give a shit as to how people identify but I refuse any form of compelled speech. I won't call a male a female no matter how dysphoric they are.

you can't seriously compare "it" with a perfectly respectful "they/them?"

They/them can never be disrespectful as a pronoun.

Of course they exist. It means 'the pronouns by which a person prefers to be called'. The fact that nobody has to comply does not mean that the preference doesn't exist.

If someone called Samantha prefers to be called 'Sam', that's her preferred name. It doesn't stop being the name she prefers just because some people continue to call her Samantha.

I'm fully gc and will not be compelled to use non-sex-based pronouns, but your claim that they don't exist is, frankly, bizarre.

So I can call you 'it' then. Regardless of what you'd prefer?

I actually couldn't really give a shit about it pronouns, but the people making a massive fuss about what other people prefer AND the people expecting me to guess what their preferred pronoun is on any given day without some clear indicator can both fuck off as far as I am concerned.

I would call this offensive clap trap that was written to be deliberately alarmist.

Indeed. There is a lot of addressing a point no one was making in this thread isn't there.

Fair enough . I suppose I was being a bit disingenuous to mention it in this context . I just get frustrated because there is an ideological falsehood that not using pronouns or allowing access to female only spaces can use a TW to become suicidal and I wanted to be sure to address that . Even though that's not the point you were making.

Who said it was the same?

I simply said this isn't the origin or the sole use of be kind.

I don't think anyone is saying that exactly. Like I said, comparing a suicidal person who has been actually bullied is not the best comparison to a man demanding they be called she/he and women not wanting to do that. Which isn't bullying and doesn't lead to suicide.

I think what people are saying is that the TRA scene is an example of where women are told to put up with doing something that makes them feel uncomfortable just to appease the feelings of a man. It's an example of how women are taught to be people pleasers who disregard their own boundaries at the expense of a privileged man. Usually white and middle class too. I don't see poor people in the third world needing to use women's spaces.

It's time people started thinking a bit harder about the unintended consequences of their actions. Well meaning as they might be.

If you agree to call a man 'she' you make it that little bit harder to argue why 'she' shouldn't be allowed into women's changing rooms, sport teams, domestic violence shelters, prisons.

Prioritising gender identity over sex by using preferred pronouns can distort the reality of what's going on and can make safeguarding women more difficult.

Take the recent Sandi Peggy case. Here are two ways to describe Dr Upton's actions ...

She entered the women's changing rooms and took her clothes off in front of the women present.

Or ...

He entered the women's changing rooms and took his clothes off in front of the women present.

Both of those statements describe exactly the same act, involving the same person. But they evoke very different reactions, don't you think?

Exactly . It isn't a cause for angst. Also people mispronounced or mispell my name all the time, it's frustrating but not a cause for angst

I am kind. I would simply use they/them if a TW asked me to call them she/her. That's not bullying . That's me holding a boundary for my own mental health (actually been in hospital due to suicide and self harm issues) and being respectful that they don't want to be called he/him. That way both of us are happy.

Don’t be kind then, you clearly aren’t!

are you seriously saying that the only people say to ‘be kind’ is in relation to the trans community?!

I've come across one transperson in the workplace in my time. He's female to male, has a pregnant wife, looks like a man, probably just a bit shorter than your average man. All the preferred pronouns people are obviously the sex that is the same as their pronoun so I don't really know why they bother. That said, I've no idea why it causes op such angst

To be fair the transpersons I know are not about imposing pronouns on anybody. They don't get upset if the preferred one isn't used. I suspect most transpersons aren't bothered much either way as long as they feel free to identify as they chose . I suspect what is going on is a loudmouthed and very vocal brigade of TRA types getting offended on behalf of minority groups. I've seen it with race as well. White Europeans being in a tizzy about cultural appropriation. Most people of colour don't care how we we wear our hair!

You can call yourself by whatever pronoun you want, just so long as you remember that it does not give you the right to correct me when I call you by whatever pronoun I want.

YANBU.

Has the situation actually happened to you or are you frothing at the mouth about a hypothetical?

I've worked in HR in several large organisations and never actually come across this situation

My lovely Turkish friend does! She often uses she/her for my DS. Her English is pretty great too but this remains a blind spot for her.

As much as I roll my eyes at preferred pronouns on emails, especially when it's people who are clearly either male or female and the preferred pronouns match their sex, obviously preferred pronouns exist. I would argue preferred adjectives also exist to an extent

Well no one is bullying anyone by not using preferred pronouns, so it's not comparable to Caroline Flack's situation. Also CF was a suicide risk, different scenario. So no, we don't need to "be kind" and bend over backwards to appease a few TRAs. Nothing bad will happen if we don't "be kind."

Don't use them then. I will continue to use them. Shrug

I have preferred pronouns.
I prefer the correct ones ie he for males and she for females.
I refuse to be part of someone else’s delusions.