To shriek from the rooftops that there is No Such Thing as “preferred pronouns”?

I'm obviously female, so totally happy with people assuming my gender.

But, shoe on the other foot, how would you feel if someone refused to refer to you the way you wanted?
Wouldn't you be offended? Feel bullied? iyswim

That's just it, preferred pronouns don't relate to what they 'call themselves', it's how they expect others to regard them when talking to others.

So someone who goes by they/them pronouns, will expect ME to use those pronouns in conversation with others. I personally think referring to one person as THEY is one of the most idiotic things I've ever heard, so being compelled to do this would absolutely bother me, yes.

Why does it bother you what people call themselves?

Google might help. @Enough4me 🤔

I won’t call a man a woman because that’s lying. It’s also deeply disrespectful to me and other women. Our sex is not a costume and our lives are not live-action role-playing.

A man has no more right to demand that I join in his pretence that he’s a woman, than he has to demand that I clean his shoes or provide any other service.

I won’t call women men either. But they are generally less aggressive and demanding, so less offensive.

Honestly, OP, you're coming over as a really nasty piece of work. Sex is immutable, yes. But identity isn't. If a transwoman would like to be referred to as she/her, why wouldn't you be respectful enough to use those pronouns? It's kind, it's inclusive, and it makes fuck all difference to how you live your life. I'm GC too but I'm not an arsehole.

I agree. It's sad to see that this thread has descended into sneering at all trans people.

That is a very warped perspective. @Enough4me

Also, if they truly know in their bones that they're a woman, unicorn, Napoleon, whatever, then why do they need the constant validation from others?

It's just a way for, hitherto, totally mediocre, inadequate people to hold sway over others. We should never have pandered to them.

“I think the only thing email pronouns are good for is knowing who is on the woo woo bandwagon.”

Exactly. Or the spineless let’s all be a #bekind handmaid. Both best avoided.

I recently read an article revealing that use of preferred pronouns in communications were much, much older than I thought, and had nothing to do with chosen gender identity. It started because recipients could not tell the sex of the person with whom they were communicating, especially those with "unisex" names and those from other cultures.

If you received an email from Harini Amarasuriya, Carol Reed or Gro Brundtland I'm pretty sure you would welcome their preferred pronouns in their email signatures.
(BTW - the examples are all famous people and you can google them)

I don’t believe in God, I’m not going to refuse to call a reverend, Reverend or a Rabbi, Rabbi because they are asking me to use a title based on beliefs I don’t share. I don’t think humans can change sex but if someone states their pronouns, I go with it. It’s up to them.
It’s kind of silly to draw an equivalence with pronouns and safeguarding. The pronouns aren’t the problem. They aren’t the thin end of the wedge, the problem for me was always the weasel organisations dressing up misogyny as progressive rights, rapists using the trans umbrella to cover themselves and their kinks and sports cheats. The pronoun bit is hardly the point.

I thought it was so 5 years ago yet people can't stop talking about and that they hate it? Maybe stop talking about it?

Mine is I/me people can make of that ehat they want

That is not preferred pronouns, though. That is someone having a unisex name letting others know their sex so they know, following the conventions of English, what words to use. (Though I’m not sure I would need to know Carol Reed’s sex in order to send him a fan letter. I don’t use third person pronouns in direct communication with someone.)

No preference involved. Which is my (perhaps badly phrased) point. A female person with a typically female name doesn’t need to tell others her “preferred pronouns” are she/her, because those are the pronouns that apply to her in English. To say that’s a preference is nonsense, just as saying “I’d prefer that you refer to this chair as a chair” is nonsense.

I deal with a lot of colleagues in a particular non-Western country, who in turn deal with a lot of colleagues in the UK. Not one of them has pronouns in their signature. And no one in my department does either, and certainly never would have before about 5 years ago. We are able to get on and communicate with each other absolutely fine. Our sex is irrelevant to our job. If someone gets it wrong, so what?

Some people have said that this doesn’t matter. Language does matter. Words matter.

As soon as you refer to a male person using a female word you sow the seeds that that person is female. And that is a lie. A lie that can cause a lot of damage.

I think this is what I struggle with . The requirement I give them constant validation. I 'm a middle aged disabled woman and I'm tired. So tired of being a people pleaser. I only learned to say no to others relatively recently . I don't think I'm the only person who feels this way.

So I just tend to change the subject of not engage anymore with them. I'm not against the majority of transpersons who are decent but it's not my job to keep them safe from themselves or their own lack of validation .

Anymore than its their job to do that for me .