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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have a pull to move back 'hone' that won't go away?!

29 replies

SlB09 · 29/04/2025 10:33

I've lived in the next city from 'hone' for nearly 20 years. It's just over an hour away from home town/area. I feel silly as it's not that far in the grand scheme but I just have this draw to going back home to live. I miss it, I feel I miss it in my bones, I miss being able to pop in for a cuppa with my parents, being there to help them if they need it etc. I moved for uni and have had my child here, got married, have a few good friends here etc but something inside me still doesn't feel content. I miss that 'village' feel, I now live in the suburbs and have done for 4/5 years but when you don't grow up somewhere it just doesn't have that feel about it. I feel like we're abit invisible, not linked to anything.
However this may be true at home, I don't keep in contact with any friends from home, it's quite a deprived area, my child would need to move schools (potentially not as good as where we are now) and my husband really doesn't want to live there. I don't know how to peel myself away from this feeling and just be grateful for what we do have! Objectively we have a good life. This feeling waxes andvwanes but has never really gone away and as my parents get older I wonder if I'll regret not moving back and loosing that link forever.

Not an easy one to advise on I understand but anyone had similar experiences and moved/not moved etc?

OP posts:
wateraddict · 29/04/2025 12:36

How old are your DC? Getting involved with your local community can really build a sense of home. It wasn’t until mine was in school and really doing play dates and after school clubs and things that I really felt close to people, as my job takes me away a lot. Do you volunteer? Things like PTA, scouts, a local charity? Do you have hobbies locally where you can meet new people?

I wonder if it’s worth channeling that feeling you have into making your current area work better for you before you conclude it’s better to leave? I hope you feel more settled, whatever you decide.

Bbq1 · 29/04/2025 12:28

Are you deliberately calling it hone, Op? Only asking because with you highlighting it in the title of thread, I thought it wouldn't be a mistake.

SlB09 · 29/04/2025 12:19

Hmm interesting!! I don't know despite all these things potentially not materialising that I would just 'feel' more 'at home' purely in the geographical area x

OP posts:
MumJumpers · 29/04/2025 10:39

We made the move, spurred on a lot by the fact we'd be able to afford a nicer house and offers of childcare from multiple people, and it was the worst idea ever. We're now stuck in a very run down place that looked better than it actually was, we should be 20 mins from family but the roads are so bad it's 40 mins on a good day and up to an hour on a bad day. No one visits. Everyone's always busy when we ask to visit. The schools are shit and DS is unhappy. DH hates his job since he transferred and is getting to the end of his tether.
I honestly wish we'd never moved and we're looking to move away again asap but don't know where because we can't afford to go back to where we just moved from and we don't want more upheaval for this to happen again.
Oh and the childcare never materialised either.