Page 9 | To not be happy that my new work lanyard has “she/her” on it without me asking?

TheNavyAnt · 2025-04-29T08:03:11+00:00

I’ve just started a new job and noticed that my staff lanyard/pass automatically has my name and “she/her” printed underneath it. Nobody asked if I wanted pronouns added - it was just assumed and put there by default. I don’t have anything against people sharing pronouns if they want to, but personally, I wouldn’t have chosen to have it printed on my pass. It feels a bit forced, like I’m being made to take part in something I didn’t ask for and I’m not sure why it needs to be there at all unless I choose it. AIBU to feel slightly uncomfortable about this? Or should I just let it go as one of those “modern workplace” things?

Scottishskifun · 29/04/2025 10:15

I would feel the same, I've silently rebelled against my work trying to introduce things like my email signature to include them. I just never updated it and nobody has pulled me up on it.
People can use my name!

TropicofCapricorn · 29/04/2025 10:15

Thiscouldbefun · 29/04/2025 10:13

I think you should say nothing. You do not want to be that person HR are talking about in day 1.

I get the whole assumption / choice argument. I also get that probation periods, promotions and redundancies don’t happen by accident

yes, but what if she was struggling with her gender identity and didn;t want reference to "she/her" - what if she was actually thinking about being they/them and HR have assumed her gender? It;s awful.

Original poster

TheNavyAnt · 29/04/2025 10:14

TroysMammy · 29/04/2025 10:06

Why would you need pronouns on a work email? I roll my eyes when I see someone has done this. I don't care what they are or think they are as long as the email makes sense a reasonable request and no spelling mistakes.

I would not be wearing a lanyard with she/her on it.

That’s pretty much how I feel too. I’m happy to respect how people want to be addressed but I don’t see why it needs to be pre-printed or made mandatory without asking. It should be a personal choice, not an assumption - especially when, day to day, most professional interactions aren’t even about pronouns.

OP posts:

TheTigerWhoCameToBrunch · 29/04/2025 10:13

Sticker over it, maybe a rainbow to keep the weirdingtons happy?

TropicofCapricorn · 29/04/2025 10:13

complain and ask them to be removed.

Thiscouldbefun · 29/04/2025 10:13

I think you should say nothing. You do not want to be that person HR are talking about in day 1.

I get the whole assumption / choice argument. I also get that probation periods, promotions and redundancies don’t happen by accident

ThisWOMANWontWheesht · 29/04/2025 10:12

WhatDidIComeInThisRoomFor · 29/04/2025 09:06

Go back to HR and say you’re very upset that someone made an assumption about your preferred pronouns.

Whilst I like the directness of this, saying this would imply you actually had preferred pronouns in the first place. I don’t. I’m she/her because I’m female. Not choice or preference.

lifeturnsonadime · 29/04/2025 10:09

I think preferred pronouns should be knocked on the head.

Load of navel gazing bollocks that show you support a regressive ideology that harms women and children.

I can understand that you might not wan to rock the boat OP but GC beliefs are worthy of respect in a democratic society and alternative beliefs should not be enforced in the workplace.

VickyEadieofThigh · 29/04/2025 10:08

Ladybuglamp · 29/04/2025 09:51

Are you a she/her? If so, I don’t understand what the issue is?
It’s helpful for colleagues to know how you like to be referred to. No different from having your name printed on the badge.
I’m sure HR will remove it if you’re genuinely that bothered about people thinking you’re a woman.
I find it really helpful at work (There is a trans woman at my work and not to sound mean, but I would have just assumed she was a he/him if she didn’t have her pronouns in email sig - and I could have ended up really hurting her feelings)

The thing is, nobody ASKED her! I don't believe in the pronouns nonsense and I'd be saying so; however, the organisation I work for has at least one person who is a "they/them" - he (for it's a bloke) will have declared this. Nobody has the right to assume another person's pronouns.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 29/04/2025 10:08

Ineedcoffee2021 · 29/04/2025 10:06

I think she had a very valid point”

" I think Rachel raises a very valid point"

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In reality of course we use gendered pronouns all the time, but we don't need to be told which ones to use because they correspond to people's sex.

If anyone asks me to do anything different I will avoid the use of gendered pronouns because I believe it is the best compromise between not upsetting them and not perjuring myself.

Middleagedstriker · 29/04/2025 10:08

MidnightPatrol · 29/04/2025 09:09

And - how did they know you are she/her if they haven’t asked you?

Are they making assumptions?

My preferred pronouns are those which are only used in a sentence.

Ineedcoffee2021 · 29/04/2025 10:07

Id be asking to have it removed due to the assumption, not being asked and dont wish to disclose

ilovesooty · 29/04/2025 10:07

AngelinaFibres · 29/04/2025 09:38

That's why we're here in this current world mess though.
Oh everyone's doing it
Oh it doesn't matter
I don't mind so you shouldn't
You're new/ a woman so don't make a fuss

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I honestly don't think it does matter, except that she should have been asked first. Just my opinion of course, but it's not something I could get worked up about.

Ineedcoffee2021 · 29/04/2025 10:06

Ladybuglamp · 29/04/2025 10:00

Many scenarios in the workplace.

In a team meeting
eg. “I agree with what Rachel just said, I think she had a very valid point”

Show quote history

I think she had a very valid point”

" I think Rachel raises a very valid point"

TroysMammy · 29/04/2025 10:06

Why would you need pronouns on a work email? I roll my eyes when I see someone has done this. I don't care what they are or think they are as long as the email makes sense a reasonable request and no spelling mistakes.

I would not be wearing a lanyard with she/her on it.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 29/04/2025 10:05

Ladybuglamp · 29/04/2025 10:00

Many scenarios in the workplace.

In a team meeting
eg. “I agree with what Rachel just said, I think she had a very valid point”

Show quote history

What's wrong with, "I agree with Rachel" or "I thought Rachel's point was very valid"?

You've just said the same thing twice in this sentence for no particular reason.

In fact, one huge benefit to training yourself to avoid the unnecessary use of gendered pronouns is that it helps you become less verbose.

JifNtGif · 29/04/2025 10:05

TheNavyAnt · 29/04/2025 10:03

Exactly - most of the time in direct conversation, you’re not using pronouns anyway. That’s part of why it feels unnecessary to put it on a badge by default. It’s not that I’m against people choosing to share their pronouns - it’s just that automatically assigning and publicising them feels a bit over the top for day to day interactions.

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What about when you be bitchin' about somebody?

Ze sooo fat now!

Throckmorton · 29/04/2025 10:05

People would be up in arms if companies publicized any other protected characteristics like this (your religion on a lanyard anyone?), but when it's sex, oh that's apparently fine

Ereshkigalangcleg · 29/04/2025 10:04

notsureyetcertain · 29/04/2025 09:29

Tell them you are unhappy your pronouns were assumed and you don’t wish to disclose your pronouns so please could she/her be removed.

This.

Original poster

TheNavyAnt · 29/04/2025 10:03

Throckmorton · 29/04/2025 09:57

In what scenario are people addressing people to their face using their pronouns? To their face you just talk to them, and in their absence you can use their name.

Exactly - most of the time in direct conversation, you’re not using pronouns anyway. That’s part of why it feels unnecessary to put it on a badge by default. It’s not that I’m against people choosing to share their pronouns - it’s just that automatically assigning and publicising them feels a bit over the top for day to day interactions.

OP posts:

Throckmorton · 29/04/2025 10:02

Ladybuglamp · 29/04/2025 10:00

Many scenarios in the workplace.

In a team meeting
eg. “I agree with what Rachel just said, I think she had a very valid point”

Show quote history

So if you are unsure on preferred pronouns: "I agree with Rachel's very valid point".

It beggars belief that people feel they need to know the sex of their colleagues in order to work with them.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 29/04/2025 10:01

I would definitely complain and ask for a new one. For one thing they’ve assumed your pronouns without asking you, which goes against the whole argument in favour of doing this at all!

Many people don’t want to publicise their pronouns for a wide variety of reasons, ranging from not agreeing with the whole idea of stating them to not being ready to make their preference known. In the second case in particular , it achieves the opposite of what is intended to do this without your agreement.

Ladybuglamp · 29/04/2025 10:00

Throckmorton · 29/04/2025 09:57

In what scenario are people addressing people to their face using their pronouns? To their face you just talk to them, and in their absence you can use their name.

Many scenarios in the workplace.

In a team meeting
eg. “I agree with what Rachel just said, I think she had a very valid point”

Original poster

TheNavyAnt · 29/04/2025 10:00

Ladybuglamp · 29/04/2025 09:51

Are you a she/her? If so, I don’t understand what the issue is?
It’s helpful for colleagues to know how you like to be referred to. No different from having your name printed on the badge.
I’m sure HR will remove it if you’re genuinely that bothered about people thinking you’re a woman.
I find it really helpful at work (There is a trans woman at my work and not to sound mean, but I would have just assumed she was a he/him if she didn’t have her pronouns in email sig - and I could have ended up really hurting her feelings)

I am a she/her - that’s not the issue. I have no problem if someone wants to share their pronouns. My discomfort is with it being assumed and printed without asking me. It’s about choice and autonomy, not about hiding my gender or objecting to pronouns themselves.

OP posts:

Throckmorton · 29/04/2025 09:57

In what scenario are people addressing people to their face using their pronouns? To their face you just talk to them, and in their absence you can use their name.