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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not be happy that my new work lanyard has “she/her” on it without me asking?

264 replies

TheNavyAnt · 29/04/2025 09:03

I’ve just started a new job and noticed that my staff lanyard/pass automatically has my name and “she/her” printed underneath it. Nobody asked if I wanted pronouns added - it was just assumed and put there by default.

I don’t have anything against people sharing pronouns if they want to, but personally, I wouldn’t have chosen to have it printed on my pass. It feels a bit forced, like I’m being made to take part in something I didn’t ask for and I’m not sure why it needs to be there at all unless I choose it.

AIBU to feel slightly uncomfortable about this? Or should I just let it go as one of those “modern workplace” things?

OP posts:
NannyOgg1341 · 29/04/2025 09:55

Tbh I wouldn't die on this hill, but then we're all different and if this matters a lot to you then see HR about it or put a sticker over it. In my experience I've found it doesn't change much day-to-day in the office, except we have the chance to address each other in the manner we'd prefer.

Ladybuglamp · 29/04/2025 09:51

Are you a she/her? If so, I don’t understand what the issue is?
It’s helpful for colleagues to know how you like to be referred to. No different from having your name printed on the badge.
I’m sure HR will remove it if you’re genuinely that bothered about people thinking you’re a woman.
I find it really helpful at work (There is a trans woman at my work and not to sound mean, but I would have just assumed she was a he/him if she didn’t have her pronouns in email sig - and I could have ended up really hurting her feelings)

mummytoonetryingfortwo · 29/04/2025 09:46

I’d be a bit of a shit and go back and ask who assumed your pronouns and why

Pluvia · 29/04/2025 09:46

OP, go to HR or whoever is in charge of lanyards and say you want one without pronouns, thank you very much. If they want to know why, say that your pronouns are a private matter to you and you don't care which pronouns others use. And ask them if they're aware of the Supreme Court ruling two weeks ago.

teksquad · 29/04/2025 09:44

what if you identify as a non binary they/them? also bonkers but how dare they assume you are she/her under their own silly rules, the whole point of which is that you shouldn't assume women are boring old she/hers? I'd be raging about this OP.

I'd also go back with 'someone has assumed my pronouns without asking me which is outrageous, I am upset now and dont wish to disclose them, please remove these pronouns and reissue without.

Pluvia · 29/04/2025 09:43

xanthomelana · 29/04/2025 09:05

I feel the same, we had to add our pronouns to our signature on our work email. As you said it feels a bit forced and I don’t see what difference it makes having it there.

You didn't have to do it and in light of the Supreme Court ruling the other day you can quite confidently remove it again. They have forced you to express an allegiance to an ideology you don't share. Your employers should be the ones who should be worrying.

TheSecondMrsCampbellBlack · 29/04/2025 09:39

https://sex-matters.org/posts/updates/pronouns/

coconutpie · 29/04/2025 09:39

Yes, this is a hill to die on. I would go straight to HR and ask for a new one to be issued.

AnSolas · 29/04/2025 09:38

TheNavyAnt · 29/04/2025 09:12

Exactly - I wasn’t asked and I didn’t volunteer any pronouns on any forms either. It’s the assumption and automatic display that bothers me. It feels like something that should be a personal choice, not a default setting.

Show quote history

Data protection policy and HR data.

If the company knows the gender of a person should they be publishing the data without express permission?

What are the controls around collection and processing
And is the publication on an access/ID card legitimate interests or excessive

https://ico.org.uk/for-organisations/uk-gdpr-guidance-and-resources/lawful-basis/a-guide-to-lawful-basis/legitimate-interests/

Legitimate interests

https://ico.org.uk/for-organisations/uk-gdpr-guidance-and-resources/lawful-basis/a-guide-to-lawful-basis/legitimate-interests

AngelinaFibres · 29/04/2025 09:38

ilovesooty · 29/04/2025 09:24

If everyone else has them and it's company policy I don't see what the big deal is. I certainly wouldn't be making waves in a new job. They should have confirmed them with you though not made assumptions.

That's why we're here in this current world mess though.
Oh everyone's doing it
Oh it doesn't matter
I don't mind so you shouldn't
You're new/ a woman so don't make a fuss

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 29/04/2025 09:31

Go back to HR and ask if you can have a lanyard without pronouns on it because you don't feel comfortable displaying this information for personal reasons.

notsureyetcertain · 29/04/2025 09:29

Tell them you are unhappy your pronouns were assumed and you don’t wish to disclose your pronouns so please could she/her be removed.

VickyEadieofThigh · 29/04/2025 09:29

WhatDidIComeInThisRoomFor · 29/04/2025 09:06

Go back to HR and say you’re very upset that someone made an assumption about your preferred pronouns.

Absolutely this. It's utterly bizarre that they're going along with declaration of pronouns but not even asking people!

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 29/04/2025 09:29

Buy a differnt lanyard, stick your id on that
Or discuss with your manager

Dweetfidilove · 29/04/2025 09:27

WhatDidIComeInThisRoomFor · 29/04/2025 09:06

Go back to HR and say you’re very upset that someone made an assumption about your preferred pronouns.

I agree with this.

I didn't do the email nonsense either and no-one has ever mentioned it.

ilovesooty · 29/04/2025 09:24

If everyone else has them and it's company policy I don't see what the big deal is. I certainly wouldn't be making waves in a new job. They should have confirmed them with you though not made assumptions.

FortyElephants · 29/04/2025 09:15

Request a new one without pronouns and point out that you weren't asked. Someone has just done this automatically, it won't be a problem for you to ask for a replacement.

EasternStandard · 29/04/2025 09:14

Bizarre. What’s the point if they didn’t check.

I’d get it removed anyway.

Original poster
TheNavyAnt · 29/04/2025 09:12

Smittenkitchen · 29/04/2025 09:05

Were you even asked what your pronouns were? Had you put it on a form? Seems incredibly misguided, it could even out somebody unintentionally?!

Exactly - I wasn’t asked and I didn’t volunteer any pronouns on any forms either. It’s the assumption and automatic display that bothers me. It feels like something that should be a personal choice, not a default setting.

OP posts:
MyLegoHair · 29/04/2025 09:11

I can see that in a new job it is potentially very difficult to go to HR and demand a new one, if you had be working there a while and they were newly issued it would e different. That said, no way would I wear that as it is. Sharpie or sticker or whatever will be the least prominent. Hopefully it will be a while before (if!) anyone of importance notices, but you can have a polite but firm answer prepared for when you are asked about it.

AgathaX · 29/04/2025 09:11

Definitely get it reissued. If you don't fancy requesting that, understandable in a new job, get the Sharpie on it.

HufflebuffsAreOn · 29/04/2025 09:11

Flightfromhell · 29/04/2025 09:08

I don’t understand why your chosen pronouns need to be publicised?

Agree. But for the vast majority of us they are not chosen pronouns. They are just pronouns that go with the sex we are. We need to change the language around this.

Hamandpineapplepizza · 29/04/2025 09:11

WhatDidIComeInThisRoomFor · 29/04/2025 09:06

Go back to HR and say you’re very upset that someone made an assumption about your preferred pronouns.

I'd be doing exactly this!

Happyspendingthedayinthegarden · 29/04/2025 09:10

WhatDidIComeInThisRoomFor · 29/04/2025 09:06

Go back to HR and say you’re very upset that someone made an assumption about your preferred pronouns.

Yes this.

Your employer has discriminated against you by making an assumption that you want to use 'she/her'.

At work we are encouraged to specify what pronoun we would like to be used, but it's not obligatory.

MidnightPatrol · 29/04/2025 09:09

And - how did they know you are she/her if they haven’t asked you?

Are they making assumptions?