To think she’s just lucky her kids aren’t fussy and not to do with parenting

So you’re an advocate for sleep training then? Not judging, genuinely asking! Because I would say that sleeping is also a lot to do with the temperament of the child, and luck 😂 Unless you mean older kids getting up in the night?! Is that a thing? I’ve got a 3 year old that sleeps through and a 9 month old that doesn’t, so was hoping there’d be some light at the end of the tunnel with the baby sometime soon!

@shalamakooky
chives are a good starting point replacement for onion
cheese covers a multitude of hidden gems
oatcakes instead of bread
if he will eat eggs try an omelette with a tiny amount building up of spinach

anything like that

if he says he hates fresh tomato say (don’t believe him!) but agree you won’t give him that without asking

ask him “we need to get the odd bit of fruit and veg in you baby to help your brain grow so how are we going to do that?” That seemed to work by seemingly giving him a choice (closed choice)

There's definitely a cultural/parenting issue.

I've never bought a jar of baby food nor cooked 'baby food'. I always cooked a meal that included something I can mush for weaning. My daughter was also aware I don't cook individual meals, so she will find something to eat from what is provided.
As her dad said - its unusual for a child to starve themselves to death with food available, so just 'wait it out'.

@shalamakooky

So we looked at what he would eat
say fish fingers
so how about if you got salmon fillets or or fish - whizz up bread crumbs and olive oil and add a tiny amount of dried (or fresh or build up to fresh) parsley
coat the fish in breadcrumb mixture, bake until cooked and crumbs crispy

that sort of thing so they were effectively fish fingers but homemade

we didn’t just plonk a fruit bowl in front of him and demand “go!”

I cut oranges into “wheels”
cut an orange in slices, not too thick, across the segments, cut them in half and then pull the sides apart so all the little pieces of segments separate and you eat each segment off the rind.
I would cut it in middle of table and encourage him to share it with me, brother and dad. Or just me.
He only had to try/eat one half a slice at first nothing overwhelming

He he liked sunflower seeds so we tried him in pumpkin seeds “because they were green” to introduce green is good vibes

so if you son likes sausages could you try a small one sausage toad in the hole?

I always tried to put similar looking food on the rabid so if we were having pasta he would have the same pasta, our sauce would be full of onion and garlic, his would be at first tomato purée, but then we added a tiny bit of olive oil, then a tiny bit of basil, each meal, a tiny suggestion of taste

If we went too far, too much garlic say, we would wind it back and go again

it takes months

simply look at what he will eat and enjoys and work out from there

I have 3 DC, all with varying levels of autism. My oldest ate anything until he was 15 months old. I remember him sitting at a toddler group meal out eating potato salad and beetroot and people who exclusively used pouches and jars of baby food being amazed. Then he just stopped eating, pretty much overnight and developed what would now be diagnosed as ARFID. It's taken years to get him to a stage where he can eat out and find something acceptable on the menu. My middle one is a hollow legged 14 year old and eats anything he sees. The youngest is like the oldest and we're awaiting CAMHS. He pretty much lives on fishfingers, popcorn and chocomel at the moment. There is always fruit etc in. I eat a variety of foods. So I'd say it's the child.

Most French kids are brought up on sugary breakfasts, chocolate in bread (it’s specially made into that shape), lots of upf long life bakery goods (just look at the aisles dedicated to it in the supermarkets). Most bistros have little variation in children’s meals (all with chips similar to the UK, but I have noticed a lot of places in the UK offer a choice in sides). The French do not like spice in general! I grew up in France (with an extremely snobby French mother who had no qualms about sugary breakfasts) and spent holidays in the UK. Even now I don’t notice too much difference in the food except the UK (at least where I live) has a huge selection of world cuisine and it’s very good.

At nursery my child is given curries, Middle Eastern food, Caribbean food, tradition British food, a huge range of things! They eat it all up, I’m very impressed.

My son is autistic but I was so lucky as he would and still does try anything once. Feeding him as a child was sheer joy, I do think at 22 he’s going through a delayed teenage phase (if it’s not beige and deep fried etc). However even now he will give new things a go.

I think if you have a kid who eats….rejoice but don’t kid yourself it’s superior parenting. It really isn’t.

I agree!
And to that I can only say, when DD was 6 or 7 she had an extremely fussy stage and simply wouldn't touch her food or eat very little. We ignored her... (DH was rushing off to night shift, so it was me and the DC)
Anyway, I also had a toddler DS so the evening after Dinner was taken up with having some family time with both DC and then toddler had bath & bed time.

I would not sort the table & kitchen until both DC were in bed... to cut a long story short, many a time DD would eat her cold dinner while I put DS to bed.... she eventually would eat with us again.

My conclusion: DC won't starve themselves and will eat what is available! And you can't blame them for holding out for the good stuff!

Totally agree.
Some kids with significant SN would rather starve than conform and that obviously needs a different approach. But all the rest with nothing wrong with them other than being bloody awkward can just suck it up.

i think there is a huge amount of genetics involved in fussy eaters. But, there is also the possibility that we have a lot more choice. I hated meat and most traditional British food as a child. My mum was not a great cook either. But I ate all my dinner: because there was nothing else if I didn’t.

my son is a wonderful eater: has been since we started weaning. Aside from the fact that we eat a wide variety of fruit and veg, we never really put much pressure or drama around food: it was basically put on the plate for him to eat or not. But aside from a yoghurt or fruit after dinner, there wasn’t the offer of anything else.

I have a Spanish friend who is brutal with her kids. But it works.

They eat what she puts down for dinner. If they refuse, they go hungry. No pudding or snacks- that’s it.

she reckons she can get any kid to eat anything within a week.

You’ll have someone along in a minute to tell you their child would literally starve…

Given that my three will eat basically anything, I’d be happy to say it was all down to parenting, though accept that there’s an element of luck.

Nutrition is a big bugbear of mine, so I’ve made a conscious effort to expose them to different foods and experiences. I would never use a pouch or a processed baby snack or order beige food from a kids menu. Everything they eat at home is made from scratch, no snacks, no cake or sweet food before the age of 2. This approach seems to be derided on MN, but it seems like common sense to me!

It's hard to say. My 10 y.o. loves seafood and curry. My 4 y.o. only eats beige/crispy stuff. Sometimes you have no idea why things happen like that.

Of course it’s to do with parenting/culture/environment. Do you think there are ‘fussy eaters’ in the slums in India, in tiny villages in Africa? No, because if they don’t eat they will literally starve. There are no choices.
In a less extreme sense, feeding in the Middle East/Europe often follows the same vein - children simply eat what is served at the table. There is no choice to have chicken nuggets instead.

It's definitely cultural, not just luck. In other European countries, there are no 'kids meals' the children eat what the adults eat. We did the same with our children - they each have their likes and dislikes like anyone but they all eat a wide range of foods, see vegetables and salad as a normal part of a meal and we rarely eat desserts. We ate out with them when they were small and they ate Indian, Thai, Chinese and Spanish etc food from a young age. I think there's obviously some luck involved but it's also just exposing them to a wide range of foods repeatedly, not making food a battleground and eating together as a family.

Exactly this. British culture is so centred around the child, whereas in Europe they’re expected to fit in with the adults. They’re not in charge.

We’re a nation of helicopter parents.

I’m an early years teacher and see what the children have in their packed lunches. It’s most common for lots of processed snacks, cheese dippers, fruit winders, chocolate, crisps, cakes and more unusual to see chopped fruit, vegetable sticks, homemade cakes/biscuits etc. The same parents then tell me how constipated their child is but can’t see the connection with their diet.

I think you only need to look at the difference between typical French and British school lunches to know that expectations are different. My DC have cousins who lived in France for a while and they couldn’t believe how good the French lunches were. Even the best menu days at my DC schools are pretty poor in comparison.

I do think a lot of parents are more afraid of their child not eating than they need to be. I obviously don’t mean you should sit back and watch them get ill and starve. More they have natural fussiness and fluctuations in appetite and it not eating dinner doesn’t necessarily mean you should offer them something else. I think other factors come into play in fussiness too. I think being the main focus at mealtimes is probably quite stressful for some children. I remember visiting SIL when DN was younger he was sat in the middle of the kitchen in a high chair SIL, BIL and PIL all around him cajoling him and trying to distract him so he would eat. I can’t imagine anyone would enjoy eating in that situation.
You often read on threads about fussy toddlers that the parent has tried everything which is understandable as obviously we all want our children to eat. However if you think about it trying loads of different methods in a short space of time is probably again quite stressful for the child. They don’t know what’s going to happen next. Overcoming fussiness is a long game and it’s probably best to be consistent and stick with a method that suits your family life and expectations.
All my four have had periods of extreme restrictions of their diet. DC4 was the worst after a particularly nasty illness aged 2 where he didn’t really eat anything for nearly two weeks and had to go to hospital. To be honest had he been the first child things might have been different as I was initially so pleased he was eating anything I gave him what he wanted. However it became clear after a while he was heading towards only eating fish fingers and yogurt so I got a bit stricter and starting ignoring him at mealtimes and going back to family style eating. It took a year before he was eating normally again and I had loads of arguments with my parents and PIL who would try and cajole or bribe him. Now the only foods he doesn’t like are mushrooms, coffee and cauliflower.

What other techniques did you use if you don’t mind me asking

my dc is So Picky, I’ve just started not giving him anything until he is ‘starving’ today he finally nibbled at a bread and egg roll, yoghurt and apple

Making him hungry again for fish fingers/cheese in a hot dog bun
he is 3

Isn’t that almost all of us? 😁

Annoyingly he will also do it just out and about, like for example, Mexican burrito truck
”What do you want in it?”
“oh a bit of everything”
“salad? Chilli? SALSA?”
“yeah sounds good”

fuming mother to one side because eating a fresh tomato anything at home is impossible apparently - or was more accurately

this truck was a mere 5 miles from home! The tomatoes aren’t that different!

I am convinced it’s nothing to do with “I don’t like this” and more “I could get this if I kick up a fuss’

We now have homemade salsa with Mexican at home!

Definitely culture, although I’m sure a bit of luck too. I come from southern Europe but live here with my dd who is British - she’s so picky with food, but when we visit my family abroad she’s much more adventurous because she sees what her cousins are doing. Example: I took her to a holiday camp there and they had 3 course meals including things like chickpea salad, cod stew, etc…

It's French culture. Even in nursery schools children are expected to enjoy a wide variety of foods. Tastes, textures, varieties are all served as a matter of course, so by the time kids are 6 and at main school they are eating more or less like adults. And traditionally French children are not the boss at home either. It's a more adult led society.

@frozendaisy aaah you have a child who is cut out for a life of luxury, being on a permanent holiday!

Would the fussy child not eat the food?