Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being helpful or up-ending the wedding?

237 replies

GuttedMOB · 28/04/2025 11:36

My only daughter is getting married in a couple of weeks. I have put away money for many years for this event and have been happy to pay for nearly half of costs ie catering, venue, her dress etc. I love her fiancé and am very pleased for her. All the wedding
choices have been theirs and she has not involved me in any planning, wanting me to “just enjoy the day”. Which is fine-her wedding, her choice. Last week I offered to invite the groom’s parents over for a pre wedding drink, as I have not had the chance to meet them or they us. I also offered to host a casual gathering of our relatives the day after the wedding, before guests departed the area, which I thought would be helpful and a lovely way to ‘debrief’ and relax. My daughter was very upset and that I could do as I like, but she will be too busy and these events don’t work for her. Am I in the wrong here?

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 28/04/2025 11:42

i think yoru suggestions are reasonable, natural for her to be anxious at this point though

Tbrh · 28/04/2025 11:42

Why are you planning all these things a couple of weeks before her wedding, when she is busy and stressed? Just leave it and let her do things the way she wants to. It's not fair suddenly making last minute plans

GeorgianaM · 28/04/2025 11:42

I find it odd you haven't met his parents before now and think it would be nice for you and them to meet up but your plans are very much Queen Bee and look like you are overshadowing the bride, your daughter.

%3D
Octavia64 · 28/04/2025 11:42

I don’t really understand why you would host a second event on the day after the wedding.

surely relatives will have chance to catch up at the wedding? They are mostly standing around and eating and talking.

inviting the grooms parents I suppose it up to you but I can’t imagine the groom and bride will have time to attend and the grooms parents might not want to. Potential for some serious difficulties there if you don’t get on.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/04/2025 11:41

HoppingPavlova · 28/04/2025 11:37

Yes, you are.

For what reason, though?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/04/2025 11:41

I'm not sure if you're being unreasonable.

Are you expecting your daughter to come to the gathering on the day after the wedding?
She's probably got a thousand things to think about at the moment and this is one thing too many for her.

I don't see why she's bothered about your invite to her fiancé's parents though.

Pagwatch · 28/04/2025 11:40

Did she give any reasons as to why she was upset. It’s hard to figure out who’s in the wrong when there’s no indication why she was upset about your proposals

FadedRed · 28/04/2025 11:40

HoppingPavlova · 28/04/2025 11:37

Yes, you are.

No, you’re not.

AlmostSummer25 · 28/04/2025 11:39

No, you're not. You are fully entitled to invite whoever you like for drinks or a get together at your house. You're not demanding that she's there. (I assume) so crack on.

I think it's strange that you haven't met his parents unless they live overseas and yes it would be nice to have a drink together before the wedding day.

As for inviting family around, they are in the area, of course you can so long as you've made it clear the bride and groom won't be there.

KilkennyCats · 28/04/2025 11:39

It’s perfectly normal to have both sets of parents meet before the wedding?
She should have been on that herself, not getting upset about it?

Barrenfieldoffucks · 28/04/2025 11:39

Not necessarily wrong to offer, but if she doesn't want to that's fine too.

Meeting the groom's parents beforehand sounds like a good idea, and I'm not sure you need permission for that as long as you're not expecting her to do anything.

HoppingPavlova · 28/04/2025 11:37

Yes, you are.