New partner over 40 grand debt

Relevant question is is the debt more or less than last month and the months before and by how much, and what will it be in 6 months?

Gambling or cocaine.

I'd be wary of this man.

Yep, I would end it.

Huge red flag.

So many red flags you could make bunting.

As others have said, debt in particular circumstances isn't such an issue. I once house shared with a lovely man absolutely sinking because he'd helped out his parents after the death of a sibling. He wasn't bad with money, just took on too much in horrible circumstances.

I once had a boyfriend who was like this. Money just slipped through his fingers often on just doing things inefficiently so he ended up paying a premium for things, then high interest on that premium because he didn't restructure it in time etc.

I didn't realise until I left him (and then genuinely had no money and a tiny budget) that life was still so much less stressful.

Yes. It's never a good idea to get involved with people who can't manage their finances...it's not going to end well.

Yes.
She should end the relationship.
But not because of what you say, or anyone on MN says. Importantly, because you’ve mentioned that she wants to.
That is ALWAYS sufficient reason to call off a relationship (even in a no debt situation).

What is his earnings in relation to 40k, how long will it take him to clear it, does he have kids and how old is he. If 40 k is going to be cleared off by his summer bonus then its not a big deal.

His ex girlfriend could have been coercive, my DHs ex emotionally blackmailed him into buying the expensive handbags and shoes and champagne and threatened to leave him etc if she didnt get what she wanted, then love bombed him etc.

I'd advise to leave, yes. I think similar attitude to finances are probably fundamental to a successful long term relationship. Only exception that I'd think would be acceptable would be for something like medical treatment for an ill child or something

I am going to go against the grain and say that unless he was asking her to help him pay the debt - I wouldn't see it as any of my business - unless it was accrued through addiction. It is a new relationship - they're not going to be planning on buying a house or anything for a while so I don't see it is any of her concern. My friend met someone who had a massive amount of debt - the issue she had with it was he did not tell her - and it only came to light when they went for a mortgage and it came out then! She was furious about it - not the debt itself but the not telling her when it was relevant.

So he spent £40 grand trying to keep an ex partner happy, and now your poor daughter gets landed with a broke man with no assets. Run a mile.

Personally I would be running a mile. He is at best impulsive and lives beyond his means. Or he has some kind of addiction issues that she does not know about.

Either way I would be moving on as I could not see a future with man.

I'd tell her to run a mile

Not sure she would

That level of debt isn't a red flag in itself. The question is what are his plans to pay off the debt and how realistic are they? Someone earning £250K a year would be able to pay that off relatively quickly if they put their mind to it. Someone on minimum wage would probably struggle to make the minimum payments.

If he has no plan, desire and ability to pay the debt off in a relatively short period (a year or two at most) then she should run a mile. Equally if he intended to declare himself bankrupt to "clear" it, she should end things quickly.

The point being, how he got into this mess is one thing, but it shows who he was. The important thing is how he intends to deal with it, because that shows who he is.

It depends what your dd is looking for really

Someone fun to date - no problem with that surely?

He's not husband/father material though is he, lets face it.

I'd also be concerned he was looking for someone financially solvent to hitch his wagon to going forwards.

£40k and nothing to show for it?

No chance. Even if he's not gambling or doing something else dodgy he is shit with money. Unless she wants a lifetime of policing his spending or him spending her money as well as his she needs to run.

Life's hard enough without your partner making it harder.

Bin.

I was in a lot of debt in my 20s with ‘nothing to show for it’. I think it really depends on how he is handling it now and if he’s better with finances to be honest. I wouldn’t rule someone out for being in debt but it would depend on other factors too. £40,000 is a hell of a lot though.

Surely that depends on how much disposable is left every month? 6 figures but spending the majority on mortgage/bills etc with barely anything left to service the debt is not great either.

what ever she does dont get married if she stays with him and everything in her name and use a credit report service like experian etc incase he tries to take out a credit card in her name etc @Dontwanttobeapinkponygirl

This doesn’t sound good OP, he spent it on holidays and frittered it away and he’s only in his 20s? This suggests he is really poor with money, and I was too in my 20s although my debt was only a fraction of that it was still unmanageable on the salary I had and it took me years to pay it off. Thankfully I learnt my lesson young and before it got past 5K.

If he isn’t taking steps to go to debt counselling or start budgeting and is just trying to normalise this it’s a red flag. Does he live frugally now?

Like others I think it would be different if it was something like a failed business that he had genuinely thought was viable and had made a sound business plan for etc or his salary is so much that he is paying huge amounts of it rapidly.

But I assume he is not a super high earner and this debt is no longer on zero % interests rates - if it ever was. So it’s possible it may be building as time goes on. I think if your daughter gets serious with him she will want to know things like is he managing to pay of significantly more than the minimum payment. The monthly interest of all his bills and what steps he’s taking for that not to happen again.

He may well be a nice man but not someone you ever want to share finances with. And like others I’d be interested to know how she knows, did he offer up this info voluntarily and if so why? Also is your daughter a higher earner than him or really good at saving? This is relevant because sometimes men like that look for women with good finances to help sort theirs out.

I’m assuming it’s not student debt from actually financing his studies from what you said?

What does he mean by “from a previous relationship”? Relationships shouldn’t cause debt.

Holidays would have to be pretty huge to make up this much debt.

How much does he earn?

That said, she can end it if she’s unhappy, debt or no debt!

I'd wonder. She should run and not look back.

Run for the hills ..

I don’t really understand how someone in their 20s had access to that much credit and just for holidays. A failed business I could understand.

It would depend for me, has he turned it around, has a great job and is paying it off? Does he have a good credit rating?

Ultimately, it’s your daughters decision anyway and if he’s only a boyfriend then it shouldn’t affect her that much.

He wants her to believe that he spent 40k on holiday ls with his ex (probably with a sob story about how she "forced" him)?

I expect his ex is as baffled as your daughter and kicked him out.