AIBU Not wanting my partner to go to his ex's house?

Are they divorced yet?

The child stays at his Dads a couple of nights in the week, so already has days to get him ready for school. At 9 they don't need dressing by a parent (if NT & no disabilities)

it's not sweet.

it's confusing for the child and just plain weird, even weirder that he's doing it when it's 50 miles.

@ThreeM id be having words about his boundaries. It's great if you have a good coparenting relationship, it's not good if you just do anything to please the ex-wife because you're too wet to stand up for yourself your child or your partner

You would shit yourself op at the relationship I have with my ex.

it’s nice, we’re friends, chat a lot about what’s best for our girls.

as my eldest can’t stand his girlfriend, he comes to mine to see them. Sometimes I go out, and sometimes I don’t. We had a bbq last night.

our girls aren’t confused at all. Of course I like him, I married him, just wouldn’t touch his cock with a barge pole.

I really hope you're not planning kids with this man OP.

I suspect you'll try to interfere even more if you do.

Yes, this really does suggest that you see his ex and dc as competition.

I don't think a father taking his son to school is an example of a mother punishing their ex.

You admit you are a jealous person.

Given all you have written, I'd suggest this type of set up won't work for you.

Look for a man with no children.

op: Aibu?
Mn: yes
op: no I’m not!

🙄

He’s being a good dad! They are being good grandparents! The child is their prerogative. Not you. And you shouldn’t have an issue with that.

The problem here is most definitely you. You sound really jealous of his ex and the time he spends with his child. Although I doubt you’ll take that stance.

This is about your insecurities and jealousy, not their coparenting.

You aren’t suited to this sort of arrangement. Someone with a child isn’t a good fit for you because the child should always be the priority for his parent. That means getting on with the ex, doing things together sometimes, and a lot of give and take lasting decades.

And yes, at the theoretical wedding of this boy, you will (and should) be sidelined because he will want his parents there.

Call it a day.

He does seem to have form for choosing crazy women

This says it all - please just move on from this relationship.

Sorry but it doesn’t seem like she’s got the child as much to get money. It seems like with the distance, there’s no way that dad can have the child stay during weekdays to be able to do the school run. And it’s not fair for him to have the other half of the weekends or she won’t have downtime with the children.

she is asking for help on ONE morning a week. I assume that she works that day? Or needs downtime or something that time, it’s the least he can do. You seem so incredibly bitter.

You sound rather immature.

Your partner’s ex does about 60% of the care of the child, so she does most of the legwork, but you’re acting like your partner is father of the year and he’s being manipulated into looking after his own child.

My ex used to come to my house 1 morning a week to look after the kids, get them ready and take them to school. The school is on my way to work too but I needed to leave home at 7.30am so it was either this option or the kids would go to breakfast club. He doesn’t do this anymore but he does come over one evening a week to see the kids. Why shouldn’t he? I don’t even want him in my house but I tolerate it because it’s good for the kids because they get to see more of him and I think it’s good for them to see us get on.

Out of interest how many school runs does your partner do? Why do you think his ex is controlling when perhaps she just expects him to be a present parent?

you sound very jealous to be honest. i can understand any person putting up with a fair bit if it means they can continue a relationship with their child, especially one so young. i dont find it at all odd that grandparents still visit and see the child.

remember, you only have one side to this story and thats his. i note that you say 'others' around you have said the same about her. the question is 'why'? why are you asking other people about his past relationship?

You sound like your jealous of their co-parenting relationship. Which is for the good of the child.
Would you rather they had screaming rows and slagged eachother off in front of him?.

His child is his priority and rightly so. You can't ban him from going there occasionally to see his kid. If you think he wants to get back with her then you should dump him. Otherwise it's not your concern how he brings up his kid.

This makes no sense.

Did you reply to the correct post?

How does you calling your partner's 9 year old son 'the kid', mean no-one's going to figure out it's you, given the level of detail you've posted?

Either way, how long do you think your partner and his family are going to put up with your jealousy?

And more to the point do you think it's fair that they should?

I had a similar situation but it got to the point whereby my partner was attending barbeques, having meals at his ex, having haircuts, umpteen phone calls about nothing, driving 40 miles to help her when her tyre burst, doing DIY despite her having a partner who she left my dp for. I blew up eventually and partners mum took my side, and he nipped it in the bud & kept it to just the necessary stuff involving his son. He took umbridge at me taking in a delivery of a kitchen for my ex whilst he was at work & he lived very near to me. Sheesh....I think it's control and manipulation, power trip stuff.

“ I just need to know exactly where I am or I go into a massive decline mentally“

This is an enlightening line OP and shows the issues are yours. Stop trying to control this situation, you are trying to take something away from a child.

@ThreeM so what is the ex doing while your partner is getting child dressed for school?? mind you, shouldnt the child be old enough to get themself ready for school now??? she obviously see your partner as a bit of a pushover!

He's too nice and needs to put boundaries in place with her - when it's his time with child he doesn't need to tell her anything if hes stops it elimistes some of her control. The rest I dnt think is an issue and you would be best placed to keep out of the 50 mile trip to get the child ready for school will naturally come to an end contact evolves as children grow up

They have a child together - of course he goes into her house! He needs to do whatever is best for his child, and that includes having a good relationship with the mother.

This with bells on. There’s a child in the middle of this (and it’s not you).